June 10, 2008
LETTER OF THE DAY:
I wrote the following letter to the NYT based on an observation previously made in this blog and, since it appears that they have decided not to publish it, I figured I'd post it here:
Recently, the U.S. Army confirmed that more U.S. soldiers had killed themselves in 2007 than in any year on record ("Suicide Rate for Soldiers Rose in '07", NYT 5/30). Of the 115 U.S. Army suicides reported, 32 of them had been committed by troops stationed in Iraq. While it is difficult to find figures to confirm this, it appears that -in what would be an excruciating irony--the number of troops who committed suicide in Iraq last year may very well be greater than the number of troops who were killed by suicide bombers.
Could one possibly ask for a more acute indictment of the moral clarity of our mission or of the material and mental preparedness of those brave individuals whom we've asked to carry it out?
Tragically, despite empty symbolic appeals on bumpers everywhere, we are not supporting our troops.
MORE UNNATURAL SHOCKS THAT FLESH IS HEIR TO: (Only 924 to go!)
Seeing the house you grew up in from the instantly accessible, totally impersonal perspective of satellite Google maps.
The Swiftboating-Waterboarding Axis of "Good."
The permanent campaign model of the Presidency.
The walking cane as ironic hipster accoutrement.
Jeans with holes in them costing more than jeans without holes in them.
Those Existenz ads that run during ESPN Sportscenter for a supplement that makes "a certain part of the male anatomy larger." (I suspect that in order to meet the legal standards for truth in advertising, that they do indeed make a certain part of the male anatomy larger: Only that part is the liver or kidney.)
The greasy film left in your mouth after a meal at Qdoba.
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Pet time-shares for the wealthy and noncommital
Corn-fed Steer.
Ralph Nader's relentless campaign to tarnish his own legacy.
Seeing Roger Federer with totally defeated body language.
The use of Glade as a drug.
The fact that amputated legs of albino human beings are now considered a good luck charm in Indonesia.
Athletes using Viagra as a performance enhancer. (And I thought that whole "I take it so I can score whenever the manager puts me in the game" business was metaphorical!)
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/baseball/yankees/2008/06/09/2008-06-09_source_roger_clemens_host_of_athletes_po.html
The NYT's failure to publish my letter.
SOON TO BE UBIQUITOUS EUPHEMISM OF THE DAY:
I had no horse.
FOOTNOTE OF THE DAY:
The above phrase comes from the jockey of Big Brown, the overwhelming favorite to win the Triple Crown today at the Belmont Stakes but who came up with bupkis--and actually finished last. When interviewed about what happened the jockey, Kent Desormeaux, explained "I don't know what happened. He's the best I've ever ridden, but coming around the turn, I just knew I had no horse."
TRIBUTE OF THE DAY:
RIP Jim McKay. With whom I spent the five hundred Saturdays of youth and, in the summer of 1972, lost a big part of my innocence. (The Munich Olympics).
STRANGE REFLECTION OF THE DAY:
Saw "I'm Not There"--Todd Haynes' fractured po-mo Bob Dylan bio-pic. The film posits the death of a fictional Bob Dylan character and then tracks the loose storylines of his 6 internal personae (The Liar, The Poet, The Actor etc.). What was strange and dislocating was seeing the fictionally dead living person (Dylan) played by an actually dead actor (Heath Ledger.). Yet another of life's ironic inversions.
GREATEST THING EVER OF THE DAY:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rssxrTmpm48
An amazing performance of the best break-up song ever--and one of the most moving expressions of wounded pride, defiant anger and raw pain in any artistic medium.
PAINFUL EXPERIENCE OF THE DAY:
Seeing Father's Day ads popping up everywhere.
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
His motto was "I don't like to whine, but they say you shouldn't hide your gifts."
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Posted on 6/10/2008
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June 04, 2008
ONLY 939 UNNATURAL SHOCKS TO GO!!!.
A bunch more unnatural shocks towards the realization of our glorious goal of 1000!!!
"Heckuva Job, Brownie"
Celebrity Super-Premium bottled waters
The Electoral College
The fact that the mirror that Michael Jackson looked into in "Man in the Mirror" didn't crack.
The sudden prominence of Xantham.
Plot spoilers in Coming Attractions and Movie Reviews
The comedic success of Carlos Mencia
Cheetos
Below the line advertising efforts/Paid undercover brand ambassadors.
Greg Popovich’s miraculously disappearing baldspot.
Bill Clinton going from being the first black president to the last racist president.
The distractingly variegated Chevron billboard in left field at the San Francisco Giant's AT&T Park
The corporatization of culture that leads to Candlestick Park becoming PacBell Park becoming AT&T Park and Cominskey Park becoming U.S. Cellular Stadium etc.
Randy Sowder passing up a contested jumpshot.
POLITICAL THOUGHTS OF THE DAY:
Really striking how gracious and big spirited Obama was in giving his historic speech last night and how myopically, defiantly. pettily egotistical Hillary was in refusing to concede what had already been lost. Sort of sad that the race between two excellent candidates devolved into a race between "an African-American man" and a "White woman"--and while I will not pile on the Clintons when they are down, I definitely hold them largely responsible for that becoming the case. Loved the fist bump Michelle "She's hot!" Obama gave her hubby on stage. That's gotta be the coolest moment in American political history.
(The gesture was every bit as hot as it was cool and suggested the radical possibility of a President and First Lady who actually enjoy having sex. With each other!!!)
But a few more words about Hillary (and again, the disclaimer, perhaps dismissible, that I'm not kicking her when she's down; a disclaimer about as credible, i suppose, as her claim that this election wasn't about her, it was about her supporters and her claim that she she is going to act only in the interests of what it best for the Democratic Party only just not right now.). It's really unfortunate that she didn't take that once-in-a-lifetime moment to to bow out gracefully on national TV and to elevate the interests of party unification and November success over those of personal pride. It is sad, because it would have allowed everyone to forgive and embrace her and celebrate the remarkable achievement of her historic campaign. Instead, we can only think of her legacy of petty narcissism and thwarted entitlement.
Which gets us back to the controversial comments the (not so) Good Reverend Pfleger made about the former First Lady. Lost in the to-do over the toxic racial component of his mockery was the essential underlying truth of his claim. He was exactly half right. Hillary did have a huge sense of entitlement about the presidency. It was hers. It was promised to her. She deserved it. And now someone was trying to take it from her. And she was screaming "Mommy, mommy make that mean man go away." But in truth, it had precious little to do with his being black. It had to do with his being not her.
I suppose at this point, I have a guarded optimism about Obama's chances--but in no way underestimate the huge challenges he faces. It's gonna be really hard to convince white working class Americans that he really "gets them" and is on their side. And it's gonna be really hard to persuade the electorate that this 46 year old Ivy League wunderkind is qualified to be Commander-In-Chief in a time of (unnecessary) war. And of course, there is stilll a lot of hatred, ignorance and racism lurking out there. Happily, McCain is an angry erratic nutjob. And happily Obama is tall and good looking.
HIGH ANXIETY EXPERIENCE OF THE DAY:
Toggling between that terrible "this is too good to be true" anxiety of imminent assassination as I watched Obama give his gracious, compelling and historic speech (never once mentioning himself or his race) and that terrible "this is too good to be true" anxiety of an imminently snapping hamstring or torn rotator cuff as I watched Pedro in his comeback outing. My heart was racing and I literally exhaled in relief when--nearly simultaneously-- Obama left the stage and Pedro finished the first inning. It was more suspense than one should be able to experience on TV.
REFLECTION OF THE DAY:
Mortal Daze:
The sheltering sphere has been smashed open and everyone staggers around, loss-startled, death-dizzied and deeply on their own--exposed to the end and to the unending.
Things persist. Everything is changed. And nothing.
MODIFIED PLATITUDE OF THE DAY.
Only the young die young.
ANECDOTE OF THE DAY:
I hear a woman from the advertising agency adjacent to where I work complaining that “the lawyers said we can get in trouble if we ask the music company to compose a piece of music that sounds like Bob Dylan and he then ends up complaining. So we have to find some other way of describing what we want. I hate lawyers.”
OVERHEARD IN MY HEAD MOMENT OF THE DAY:
“And Bob Dylan hates you.”
LFAQs of THE DAY: (Less Frequently Asked Questions)
How do you ask for a Bob Dylan soundalike song without mentioning Bob Dylan?
(Attempted answer: “Uh…can you give me something that has a 60s folk sound…very nasal vocals…maybe something that sounds like the singer dated Joan Baez and got into a motorcycle accident and created a big to-do by unexpectedly going electric? Let’s see…maybe you can work a harmonica into it and the intimation of a mid-career born-again phase? And umm… let’s see. Oh, yes…maybe some rambling lyrics that sound loosely metaphorical and profound to the extent that they are intelligible at all.")
Will the image of Michelle Obama giving Barack a badass congratulatory fist bump/pound be shamelessly exploited in hate-based, Fear of a Black Nation advertising by the Republican Party?
Will Hillary bow out of the race before the inauguration?
SPECIAL SIGNIFICANCE OF THE (OTHER) DAY:
Today--June 2--is the anniversary of my Bar Mitzvah.
PSYCHIC SNAPSHOT OF THE (OTHER) DAY:
From the schizoid life ot Theodore Vegas. Thinking about llife, loss, death, the anniversary of my bar mitzvah and the passage of time one minute and then screaming “Baby Make Wee-Wee!! Baby Make-Wee-Wee!!” in a shreakingly high quavering voice the next...and getting paid for it! (The aforementioned utterance was the "safe word"--nay, "safe phrase"-- for the squirrely animated character I play on the upcoming Adult Swim cult-classic-to-be “Superjail.”)
IRONY OF THE DAY:
It is truly ironic --but some would argue, strangely appropriate--that I celebrated the day on which I symbolically became a man by repeatedly screaming "Baby-Make-Wee-Wee!" in a high-pitched voice.
ENTERTAINMENT COMMENTS OF THE DAY:
a)
SNL has been brilliant lately. The best it's been in years. Kristin Wigg: Ingenious. The writing: inspired. Andy Sandberg: a no-talent ass clown—with cute hair.
b)
The Strangers
The Happening.
Do I detect a return to the most basic and primal notions of otherness and terror?
RIGHTEOUS THING OF THE DAY:
Indian Muslims Issuing Fatwa Against Terrorism.
http://www.thehindu.com/2008/06/01/stories/2008060159940800.htm
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
He was a slow starter but that was nothing compared to the way he finished.
SHAMELESSLY SELF-PROMOTIONAL NOTE TO READERS OF THE DAY:
If you like this stuff, you can find more like it at:
www.nyc.com/people/Teddyvegas/blog
and:
www.teddyvegas.blogspot.com
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Posted on 6/4/2008
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