May 29, 2007
IMAGE OF THE DAY:
(Note: The bowing on the right side of this image does not exist in the original and is a function of my having photographed it with the page slightly curled--and my being too lazy to shoot and scan it again. Ditto for the apparently wrinkled surface.)
MEMORIAL OBJECT AND OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
In the untitled image, we see a pattern of vertical bars-with the rough proportions of a flag rotated 90 degrees. There is a color shift at the exact center of the composition so that the bars are clearly perceived as constituting two separate but equal rectilinear entities. Just to the right of center, we see an indistinct black and grey shape obscuring the geometrical design and violating its elegant symmetry.
While the image is untitled, it is effectively titled by context. It appears in the New York Times book review besides Frank Rich's review of Don Delillo's 9/11 novel "Falling Man."
Seen through this prism, we now see a smudge of death on the abstracted twin towers. At first, we see it as a falling body, mercifully blurred. But as we examine it for traces of an identifiably human form, we notice that the indistinct shape has a black hole at its center and an unmistakably smoky periphery. It has ceased to be a falling man and has suddenly become the entry wound where the hijacked plane punctured the tower and blew a hole through our collective innocence.
When we look again, it is both a falling man and a gaping fiery hole. And it is neither.
It is a shadow. It is a stain. It is a terrible terrible mistake.
Much like the Maya Lin Vietnam memorial, this work achieves a powerfully elegant economy of expression. As if obeying the logic of dreams, discreet elements of a traumatic event are condensed and abstracted into a composite --and less viscerally disturbing--form.
It is the still falling figure forever falling still. It is the flume of deathly smoke eternally pouring out of the still standing towers. It is the enduring stain on our collective consciousness.
And it is the strange boundary where the horrifyingly literal is transformed into the hauntingly symbolic.
Before our very eyes.
--
There is another, presumably inadvertent associative overtone to the piece. At the bottom of the page, just to the left of this striking work, we see a bar code--whose constitutive elements instantly evoke the bars in the image. In looking at these contiguous patterns, I could not help but interpret the piece by Ji Lee as a comment on the serial representation and shameless commercialization of the catastrophe--with the blur or smudge functioning as a defiant attempt to jam the code and with it the system by which everything (including our most primal collective traumas) is scanned, ordered, processed and consumed.
AFTERTHOUGHT OF THE DAY:
How is this meditation in any way relevant to Memorial Day--with its themes of death, loss, honor and memory? Well, superficially, because it is obviously a piece of memorial art. And a piece commemorating the very event used to justify our current military misadventure in Iraq (which, in turn, is the engine that has produced the war dead we commemorate on this day.) But more fundamentally, if more abstractly, there is something about that fascinating process by which the actual events get transformed into their symbolic representation (by which the literal become the abstract) that seems to have something essential to do with death, loss and memory.
At least it was a way of focusing on Memorial Day in a way that didn't devolve into a rant against Bush. Oops, too late.
SUITABLY SOLEMN AND RESTRAINED RANT OF THE DAY:
In that self same Book Review, I read a quote by Deepak Chopra about Bush's smile. Granted I'm not a big Deepak Chopra fan (in fact, I much prefer his brother Sixpack Chopra--who, I hear, will soon be coming out with a book on building firmer abs) but I liked the quote a lot and will reprint it here in its entirety:
"Bush is smirking to put you on warning. In a moment, he might blow his top. Bush's smile also tells us, almost guilelessly, that he isn't suffering inside. This fact maddens his critics the most. Lincoln suffered terribly during the Civil War, as Churchill did in World War II. Bush has to remind himself to put on a sad face when he talks about his war. Have we seen a more inappropriate smile from any politician since Nixon? I doubt it."
Arggg.
The lack of intelligence, dignity and gravitas. The lack of grace, honesty and humility. The lack of good old fashioned, healthy human doubt. And that infuriatingly entitled, provocatively petulant little smirk!!
The tragedy of having in these profoundly troubling times a leader so profoundly unequal to the challenges we all face is a tragedy that rivals--in its scope and enduring consequences-- that of 9/11 itself. And I don't just mean that the number of Americans killed in Iraq has now passed the number of Americans killed on 9/11.
When he spoke at Arlington this morning, I really half expected him to ask us to honor our fallen heroes by going out to our local malls in one of our troop-supporting SUVs and buying something at one of the terrific Memorial Day sales.
I'll wind up this little rant with a quote from Al Gore's new book "The Assault on Reason."
And speaking of tragic. If only Gore had been this passionate and combative in December 2000 when he was having the election stolen from him by Bush and Co. instead of getting all "Don't get snippy." If he had fought back against that petulant emperor chimp instead of abandoning the fight in the name of high mindedness and collective national healing. Wow. It just hurts to much to think about.
Anyhow, back to the quote.
"President Bush has used a counterfeit combination of misdirected vengeance and misguided dogma to dominate the national discussion, bypass reason, silence dissent and intimidate those who questioned his logic both inside and outside the administration....Reason, logic and truth seem to play a sharply diminished role in the way America now makes important decisions”
Oh and one more thing:
Argggg...
But enough, I will channel the moral high-mindedness of the 2000/2001 version Al Gore and stop the divisive commentary. But before I do, I will name...
MY HERO OF THE DAY:
The bird who shat on Bush last week.
LFAQs of the DAY:
Who has the Bush administration benefitted most: Osama Bin Laden, Al Gore or Halliburton?
Did the unholy Cheney granddaugher spring fully formed from Cheney's undisclosed location?
Which are we most inured to: Sports-related crimes, political scandals, corporate malfeasance, journalistic abdication, presidential untruths, governmental incompetence, the degradation of public discourse or Donald Trump's hair?
Why has it taken so long for a book like Gore's "Assault on Reason" to come out when its claims are so obviously true and have been for so long?
COUPLET OF THE DAY:
Terminal sincerity is something of a curse.
But terminal insincerity is, alas, even worse.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"The war on terror is a bumper sticker, not a plan."
-John Edwards.
IRONY OF THE DAY:
The above quote would make a good bumper sticker.
RANDOM POLITICAL OBSERVATIONS OF THE DAY:
Edwards saying all kinds of intelligent, serious things about crucial national issues and all anyone wants to talk about is his haircut.
Dem Democrats caved in again. Like Gore did in 2000. And they wonder why no one respects them. We hate them for their freedom. From conviction. From courage. From spine.
HEADLINE TRYPTICH OF THE DAY:
Blind sailors circumnavigate the globe
Condemned man given bathroom break in the middle of botched execution.
60 year old woman gives birth to twins.
Read any three headlines and you will know the madness of the world and the folly of writing fiction.
MOVIE COMMENT OF THE DAY:
Saw Se7en again. Love those kinds of scenes where the entire apparatus of the state is mobilized in an attempt to prevent an event which turns out to have already happened. Or is happening entirely outside their realm of control or relevance. Like the Imaginary's relationship to the Real.
It's not about inadequate force. It's about inappropriate means. And inadequate understanding.
And sometimes it's about plain old impossibility.
I did take it as a sign of increased compassion and diminished bitterness that watching it this time I took no pleasure in seeing Gwyneth's head end up in a box.
NEOLOGISM OF THE DAY:
Mundacity. This describes the act of making something appear to be banal, trivial and pedestrian when it is in fact, mind blowingly profound. Usage: People who hang out with Teddy Vegas are vey familiar with the concept of mundacity. That dude is veritably mundacious!!
E-MAIL EXCERPT OF THE DAY: (From a friend currently living in Venezuela.)
"Thought you might like to know that Chavez here has come up with the brilliant idea of making all military men add the phrase "Homeland, socialism or death" to any remarks they make. Can you imagine? "Hi, Juan- homeland, socialism or death." It reminds me of the time that my gestalt therapist made me say to every single person I spoke to during the course of one day "I am afraid of living and I am afraid of dying." I did it: no one seemed to notice."
Also reminds me of that silly game where you have to add the words "in the bedroom" to any fortune cookie you read.
AMBIVALENCE OF THE DAY:
I don't know which I am alienated by more: Really driven people or total slackers.
CURIOUS FACTOIDS OF THE DAY:
Zebras kill more zookeepers than lions or tigers do.
America's health care system was recently rated as being just below Costa Rica's and just above of Slovenia's.
REMINDER OF THE DAY:
Almost three years ago, I predicted a (winning) Gore-Obama ticket. I'm just reminding people I said that. No reason. Not that I still think it's gonna happen. Not that I think he's thinking of running. Not that I think Obama would even consider running as a Veep. Not that I think he's finally hit his stride or that he's come a long way from "Don't get snippy." Not that I think it offers us a redemptive chance to return to 2001 and do things right this time. And certainly not that I think what America needs is a moral, intelligent courageous leader who is comfortable in his own skin. It was just something i remembered, that's all. And since it's Memorial Day and that has something to do with remembering, well...I figured I'd mention it. That's all.
SPORTS AND DRUGS UPDATE OF THE DAY:
In one of my recent postings, I think I wrote about sports history being rewritten by drug revelations. Or maybe I just intended to. Well anyhow, now the 1996 Tour De France winner just admitted to steroid use and offered to give up his title. Soon it will transcend the realm of sports. What will we discover next, that the Sermon on the Mount and The Gettysburg address were stimulant-aided texts and drug-enhanced performances that now need to be erased from the historical record or at least have an asterisk next to them? It's starting to feel like in Blade Runner when the replicant woman realizes that all of her most intimate, precious childhood memories--the very cornerstones of her sense of self--never really happened but were rather implanted by a biotech corporation. Oh innocence...you torn and tattered thing.
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY: (With thanks to P.G.)
One day he's gonna have to be Med-Vacked out of the cookie aisle.
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Posted on 5/29/2007
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May 22, 2007
LITERARY/JOURNALISTIC OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
Read and very much liked Adam Gopnik's piece on Lincoln in this week's New Yorker. I know I ragged on AG in a recent posting, but I have to say that this piece felt free of some of the preciousness that tends to plague his writing. I suspect this had to do with the subject. Indeed, Lincoln's grave, dignified, quasi-Biblical status seemed to have a sobering, normalizing, effect on Gopnik--his prose becoming more calm, his tone more mature and measured. Writing about this great American father figure seemed to free The Gop of his ostentatious "Look mommy, mommy" cleverness. Seemed to make him write more like a man than a not fully oedipalized boy.
This is one more reason to love and admire Abraham Lincoln.
It is ironic that the article (which I hardily recommend) was largely about Lincoln's linguistic influences (classical, legal, biblical, Shakespearean) and that it had such a perceptible linguistic influence on its author.
CONFESSION OF THE DAY:
Just after I wrote this bit about Gopnik and his "Look mommy mommy" prose, my mother called me to thank me for taking her out to a nice birthday dinner. She asked me what I was doing and I said I had just written a few things for the blog--including a little blurb about Adam Gopnik and his Abrham Lincoln article. I asked her if she wanted me to read it to her and she said she'd love me to but her cell phone was running out of juice. I was really disappointed not to be able to share my "look mommy mommy" prose about someone else's "look mommy mommy" prose with my mother.
NON-SPORTS PHENOMENON OF THE DAY:
The passive aggression of the lame duck filibuster.
SUGGESTED BAND NAMES OF THE DAY:
Felonious
Lame Duck Filibuster
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
“Sorry, I’ve been out of pocket here, but just wanted to jump in to clarify the b2b Index spike for the wired boomer demo.”
MOVIE OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
Oliver Stone and Spike Lee. Two outsize egos and self-declared giants of 80s and 90s American movie making. They remind me of each other in that for a long time both --at least in their early, pedantic, provocative years--made loud, abrasive, unsubtle films that were not nearly as good or as smart or as persuasive as you had the sense the film makers thought they were. In fairness, Spike Lee has, in my estimation, matured into a truly quality film maker. But Stone is still something of a mess: a raving mis-shapen ego whose reach constantly outstrips his grasp.
ADDITIONS TO THE LIST OF GOOD FILMS WITH ANIMALS IN THE TITLE OF THE DAY:
Dog Day Afternoon
Whale Rider
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
My Life as a Dog
Wolf
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
Lion King (?)
RINGTONE IDEA OF THE DAY:
The sound of me groaning as I leap 4” up for a rebound or as I reach down to dry my feet after showering the morning after a game. (Incidentally--they are the exact same sound).
SPORTS PHENOMENON OF THE DAY:
Sports history is being rewritten by drugs. Obviously, there's the steroid issue. (See Selena Roberts' recent article about the pall of suspicion hanging over the Yankees Dynasty.). But it's more than that. Now George Foreman is claiming he was slipped some kind of a mickey before the Zaire Rope-a-Dope fight with Ali. This is actually a pretty big deal as, without that victory, Ali’s legacy is no longer clearly that of The Greatest. In fact, Foreman was the only top fighter aside from Frazier that he got the better of (and with Frazier it was by a razor’s width) in his post Cassius Clay incarnation—before a string of ignominious losses (Spinks, Ken Norton Jr. etc. ) marked his final decline. Of course, the Ali legend is also founded on his (pre -Ali) victories over Liston. But that shocking upset of Foreman is what elevated him from a great champion to a global icon. (And hence an inspiration to Lebron James.) If the legitimacy of that shocking upset is put in doubt, then his immortality is ever so slightly tarnished.
And imagine something in the realm of boxing being tarnished!
LFAQS OF THE DAY:
What other great moments and achievements will soon lose their prestige in retrospect as a result of drug allegations?
Will Wilt Chamberlain's record of 20,000 sex partners be diminished by revelations of some kind of proto-Viagra use?
Strategically speaking, is Sasha Baron Cohen the non thinking man's Stephen Colbert?
Which is more responsible for the increased level of wakefulness associated with drinking a lot of water every day: The constant hydration of the body or the cardio vascular and aerobic stimulation caused by the countless trips to the urinal?
SINGLE SENTENCE RANDOM PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
He did a mean sch'ma.
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Posted on 5/22/2007
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May 14, 2007
PHOTO OF THE DAY/FULFILLMENT OF PROMISORY NOTE OF THE DAY:
LFAQs of the DAY:
- Which was invoked more often, the name "Ronald Reagan" at the recent Republican presidential debate or the Fifth Amendment at the Iran-Contra hearings?
-Which is fastest: The rate at which Republican candidates are running away from Bush, the rate at which Gore ran away from Clinton, the rate at which advertisers are running away from Barry Bonds or the rate at which America is running away from its poor?
-If the drug cocaine changed its name to something else, would the energy drink named "Cocaine" still be forced to change its name?
-Has there ever been a hate crime committed in front of the Museum of Tolerance?
-Do they tolerate not paying at the Museum of Tolerance?
-Are the Utah Jazz just donning the light pigment to cynically exploit the recently reported foul-calling bias of NBA officials?
-What will Gen Y geriatric care be like? Circa 2060, will there be, say, short attention span adult diapers--with cool built in pockets for iPods and Sony Playstation Controls?
PSYCHOLOGICAL OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
I think some people have idiosyncratic temporal orientations. For some, the future is more real than the past or present. It is what one lives towards; the infinitely forgiving and malleable space into which one perpetually escapes the imperfection of the present and the mortality of the past. For others, there is a fundamental orientation towards the anterior. They are forever one experience behind themselves. Governed by the pull of the past, they experience a lifelong sense of swimming against the current--of always moving the wrong way in time. For these people, things become more perfect, more cherished, more real as they are freed from their direct involvement with them; as they are gathered into the sheltering distance of their having been.
INTROSPECTIVE OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
When reading accounts of the abuses and failing of the Bush administration, I have noticed an inverse correlation between the articulate-ness of the indictment and the inarticulateness of my response. Indeed, when i read some well-crafted piece by Hendrick Hertzberg, Frank Rich (or even this week's New Yorker opening Comment by George Packer on the Bush Administration's culture of unaccountability), I am often reduced to random expletives, staccato glottal stops, unbridled ululations and Tourettic outbursts of "I HATE BUSH!!!"
A maddening insult to our dignity and intelligence as a people. That is the lasting legacy of this administration.
Argggg....
But on the upside--it has helped generate some excellent critical commentary by people able to forge fine steely sentences out of the smithy of their rage. (The folks named above and six or seven other people.). And has allowed me to discover a whole new range of primal gutteral utterances.
DANGLING PHRASE OF THE DAY:
More homogenous than a Republican Convention.
RANT OF THE DAY: (C'mon, it's been a while.)
I quote from Frank Rich:
"By my rough, conservative calculations--feel free to add--there have been corruption, incompetence and contracting or cronyism scandals in these cabinet departments: Defense, Education, Justice, Interior, Homeland Security, Veterans Affairs, Health and Human Services, Housing and Urban Development. I am not counting State--whose deputy secretary, a champion of abstinence-based international AIDS finding, resigned last month in a prostitution scandal, or the General Services Administration, now being investigated for possibly steering federal favors to republican Congressional candidates in 2006. Or the Office of Management and Budgent whose chief procurement officer was sentenced to prison in the Abramoff fallout. I will, however, toss in a figure that reveals the sheer depth of the overall malfeasance: No fewer than 4 inspectors general, the official watchdogs charged with investigating improprieties in each department, are themselves under investigation simultaneously--an all-time record."
This, it will be recalled is from the candidate who ran on the premise of restoring honor and accountability to the White House after it had been grievously sullied and dishonored by Clinton.
In a word. Argggg.
In 2004, I conceived an ad that I wanted to shoot for Moveon.org in their attempt to get Bush-Cheney out of office.
Visually, we would simply see one long slow shot of a satellite camera zooming into it's local target--a la Google Maps. We would open high over the continental U.S. and then slowly zoom into the central Eastern seaboard, slowly focusing on Washington D.C.
The accompanying voiceover would read something to the effect of (I can't seem to find the script):
VO: There is a secret cell that is determined to do America harm. Day and night--its members are working tirelessly, relentlessly and single-mindedly-to weaken our insitutions, destroy our cherished values and undermine our way of life. They are driven by extreme belief and are not succeptible to reason or negotiation. Our most sophisticated surveillance techniques are powerless to track their activities...but we do know where their secret meetings are held.
At this point we arrive at what we recognize to be the 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue aka The White House.
VO: Keep our homeland safe. Get the Bush-Cheney cabal out of The White House.
I later dismissed the idea as being too gratuitously provocative and readily dismissible (and hence perhaps being politically counterproductive) but now I'm not so sure. In fact, without being glib (and not to seriously compare the threats of so called Islamo-Fascism with the threat posed by the abuses and malfeasance of this administration), a good case can be made that the Bush administration has done far more to weaken America (and its moral and political standing around the world) over the last 8 years than Al Qaeda has. In fact, it is arguable that the Bush-Cheney government has done more to further the interests of so-called Islamo-fascism than Al Qaeda itself has. They have certainly been Al Qaeda's most effective recruiting agents.
Again, this is not to be glib about the serious and grave threats posed by Islamic extremists. It is merely to point out the almost unimaginably perfect way this administration has played into their hands.
This, in turn. brings to mind another anti Bush-Cheney ad I'd come up with in 2004 and never pursued. One which shows footage of Osama and El-Zawihri talking. We zoom in on Osama smiling that hatefully faux beatific smile and see that he is wearing a political pin (which would be rotoscoped into the scene) that says "Re-Elect Bush-Cheney."
Again, I dismissed the idea for the same reasons I dismissed the other one. But, again, in restrospect, there can be no individual on the planet who feels better about the Bush legacy than Osama Bin Laden.
CONVENIENT UNTRUTH OF THE DAY:
"Cheney: Iraq is still dangerous." Exactly the same truth value and logical structure as saying that a person mistakenly held at guantanamo bay is No Longer an enemy combatant. Iraq is not still dangerous to us. It never was dangerous to America. Just as the prisioner is not no longer an enemy combatant. He never was an enemy combatant. Cheney is still an arrogant small minded dunderhead.
LYRIC OF THE DAY:
"If you live a lie you die a liar. "
-Catatonia
SOBERING THESIS OF THE DAY:
Wherever there are folk songs, there are also ethnic cleansings.
INTERESTING (AND NOT ENTIRELY UNTRUE) CLAIM:
Half of 8 is 3.
FUNNY THING OF THE DAY:
Met someone whose middle name was G. She claims that her parents wanted to memorialize a dead relative by giving her a name with the same first letter as the deceased's first name, but they didn't like him enough to bother to think of an actual name. Too much work and effort. That would've been too good for him. So they just gave her the initial instead.
STORY OF THE DAY:
Study links oral sex and throat cancer
http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2007/05/study_links_ora.html
Yet another great argument for marriage.
How funny would it be if the Christian right actually seizes upon this as an argument for holy (headless) matrimony, much as they championed March of the Penguins for its apparent (and, it turns out specious) support for the universality of monogamy in nature.
CURIOUS PLEASURES OF THE DAY:
Hearing John Ashberry making groaning and screaming sounds as the live narrator of Guy Maddin's silent film "Brand Upon the Brain." Also hearing him deliver such campily scripted lines as "Dead or Alive, it was back to work for Father!" and "What's a suicide attempt without a wedding?!?!"
Watching the cool, counter-intuitive ways the live Foley artists created the sounds of rushing water, paint being slathered onto a wall with a brush, kids feet scampering up a stairway etc.
POST-EVENT REFLECTION OF THE DAY:
Not sure which I am alienated by more: Commercial movies or arty films.
CINEMATIC REVIEW OF THE DAY:
I'll look back on it fondly when I don't have to be bored by actually sitting through it.
LIST OF THE DAY:
Good Movies with Animal Names in their Titles:
Rabbit Proof Fence
Elephant
Where the Green Ants Dream
The Day of the Locusts
Day of the Jackal
June Bug
Bird man of Alcatraz
Bird
Grizzly Man
Buffalo 66?
TEDDY VEGAS INTERACTIVE APPEAL OF THE DAY:
Please add to the above list.
DESCRIPTION OF THE DAY:
Feeling the fundamental wrongness of my life but trying to embrace the fundamental rightness of being alive. Trying to separate the contingent particulars from the ontological universal.
UNFORTUNATELY NAMED PRODUCT OF THE DAY:
Renuzit
Sounds like miracle grow for acne. Renew Zit.
ALLEGORICALLY RICH ACTUAL EXPERIENCE OF THE DAY:
While shooting a commercial on the grounds of the Pasadena Art Center, we saw a coyote appear--hungry and alone and presumably displaced by the wild fires near The Griffith Observatory. As he wandered at the outskirts of the shoot, I was torn between empathy for his plight and a sense of concern for the trained puppies we were using for the commercial. And then I had the following epiphany:
The commercial was the cute puppy fetching things for the customer--metaphorically.
But the truth was the stalking coyote wanting to eat the cute puppy--literally.
IDEA OF THE DAY:
The Museum of Tolerance. Seems like a good, well-intentioned idea. The attempt to educate and elevate consciousness--in the assumption that the darkness within the human animal can be tamed and altered through enlightenment. But here's another approach:
The Museum of Intolerance!
Yes, how about starting an institution devoted to bias, biggotry, prejudice and small-mindedness in all their manifold manifestations and in all their collective glory? One that actively celebrates a different racist position each week with an excess of enthusiasm and that, in its contradictory inassimilable totality, exposes the absurd inanity and emptiness of racist sentiment and thinking.
Can't you just see it: One week a KKK masked ball, the next, a "kill the whitey" black power hoopic humiliation. One week an anti-Semitic book-burning and accompanying virtual pogrom, the next an intellectual humiliation of the Cossacks in a game of Jeopardy? Festivals of anti-Latino sentiment followed by festivals of anti-Asian sentiment followed by festivals of Anti-Muslim sentiment followed by unbridled celebrations of Anti-European animus. Oh the bounty! Oh the abundance! The schedule of exhibits and events would simply write itself!
It's be one part Borat, one part Stephon Colbert and one part David Duke.
Yes the Museum of Intolerance would do more to expose and mitigate racism than the Museum of Tolerance--because it would appeal to more than our sense of guilt and sense of shame. It would appeal to our sense of humor and our sense of reason.
LAMENTS OF THE DAY:
a) If only the reward for a job well done were the opportunity never to have to do it again.
b) Oh for a plane flight unsullied by the exchange and handling of cash.
IN FLIGHT EXPERIENCE/IDEA OF THE DAY:
The deathless world of the TV sitcom. Especially as it plays soundlessly during a flight. Don't know why, but I suddenly have the urge to see some parallel entertainment history play out before my eyes. To look up and see, say, some 25 year old Tom Cruise or 30 year old Bobby DeNiro on the little screen in a role they never played on a sit com that was never written or shot.
MOTTO OF THE DAY (BASED ON A RECENT EXPERIENCE SHOOTING A COMMERCIAL):
You don't hire a boy to do a man's job. You don't hire a puppy to do a dog's job.
NEOLOGISM OF THE DAY:
Idiocracy.
SUGGESTION OF THE DAY:
Putting a poster over your bed that say, "Even hall of Famers fail 70% of the time." It's sure help reduce performance anxiety for guys prone to that sort of thing.
RANDOM QUOTE OF THE DAY:
There were three decent things to come out of the 80s...and she was not one of them.
PROPOSED BAND NAME OF THE DAY:
Happy Chernobyl.
PEEVE OF THE DAY:
With swinging glass doors, a huge pop-up drain positioned right beneath the shower nozzle and a generally malevolent feng shui, the bathroom at the fancy hotel where I stayed was a steel, marble and glass death trap.
PHENOMENON OF THE DAY:
The rivetting un-masculine-ness of Ira Glass's voice. (It's like he's had the testosterone drained out of him--by some excess of empathy and humanistic concern.)
TWO GOOD UNATTRIBUTED QUOTES FROM THE PRINT MEDIA:
In the NYT, Mia Farrow is described as "amusingly fluttery."
And in the L.A. Times or the NYT sports section...or maybe even online somewhere, I read:
"If Bary Bonds put an S on his shirt, the second word you'd think of was Superman."
TELEVISION EXPERIENCE OF THE DAY:
Amazed by "Are you smarter than a Fifth Grader? for a) The celebration of stupidity...(although I'm getting used to that in this culture) but b) Child exploitation. They are profiting off the intellectual labor of kids?!
How sad is THAT!
FOUND NAPKIN SCRIBBLING OF THE DAY: All that remains of my trip to Indiannapolis:
Talking about Black Hawk Down and genocide with my Somalian cabbie--as we pass by the recombinant American roadside logos.
And noticing that Northwest Airliine (on which we flew) had rebranded itself NWA. NWA, baby. Straight outta Laguardia.
SONG THAT'S BEEN IN MY HEAD ALL DAY:
"Betcha Bolly Golly Wow." My brother reminded me that that was the song that was playing when our parents told us that they were getting divorced.
POSSIBLE BOOK TITLE OF THE DAY:
Ephemera and Eternity.
OBSERVATION OF THE DAY NUMBER WHATEVER:
I played hookey today. And, although I awakened late, I experienced the blessed dignity of a self-determined, productively engaged afternoon. There is something about going about one's business in an uninterrupted, un-pestered fashion, that makes the arc of day more primally reflect the arc of life--and makes the waning of the light a truly emotional experience.
It's a beautiful day. Time to go out and enjoy it. (Besides, my carpal tunnel is acting up.)
DAY OF THE DAY:
Today.
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
Some speak truth to power; he spoke lies to powerlessness.
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Posted on 5/14/2007
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May 07, 2007
LALA LAND OBSERVATIONS AND REPRESENTATIVE ANECDOTES OF THE DAY:
1) Venice Beach. Where westward expansion and the longing for transcendence hit the intransigient limits of geography and the self, leaving a residue of disappointment that masquerades as celebration. The trinkety and unsavory detritus along the beach is the dwarfed remnant of the great spiritual quest for fulfillment. Or escape.
But Santa Monica (and the Third Street Promenade in specific) is another story entirely.
2) LA-ers seem to have no sense of direction. Twice I asked people if they were from around here and they said yes and I asked if they knew where a certain street was and both times they said "No, sorry " and both times it turned out that the street in question was within 100 feet from where we were standing. I detect a stunning level of vacuity. Or self-absorbtion. Or some combination of the two.
3) I drove the other night unwittingly with my lights off (I was under the mistaken impression that in these new cars, the lights are always automatically on) and no one arrested me or flashed their blinkers at me. Again, a stunning level of vacuity. Or self-absorbtion. Or some combination of the two. Although in this case the stunning level of vacuity was on my part.
4) I used to joke that L.A. is the only city in the world where a cigarette doubles as an air filter. But the smog here doesn't seem to be as bad as it used to be and so, constrained by the self-imposed imperatives of reportorial probity, I had to cast that quip in the past tense.
5) 20 minutes seems to be the universal estimate of a ride's length. " How far will it take me to go there?" "Oh, about 20 minutes." Of course, it's usually more like an hour. But it seems 20 minutes has been focus grouped and market tested as the most acceptable and encouraging thing to say. I suppose that if they were to be honest to out-of-towners or even to themselves about the time it takes to get anywhere around here, no one would never have the courage to turn the ignition key.
6) The parking spots at the Hollywood studio/TV production company I visited the other day are ostentatiously reserved for Jews and movie stars. My random walk down a portion of the parking lot's prime real estate took me past the names Abrams, Abraham, Weinstein, Levin, Roth, Cramer, Berkowitz, Rosen, Schwartz and Goldberg. On the movie star front, there was Ben Affleck and Julie Christie. And on the TV writer front, I saw Larry David and David Milch.
Each sign was formatted with a "Reserved For" at the top and then the big bold name of the V.I.P. below. The highlight was at the end of the row there was a formatted sign that read: "Reserved for No Parking."
Wow, No Parking is gonna very pissed when he sees someone else is parked there.
CLARIFICATION OF THE DAY:
Lest I irresponsibly contribute to the common misperception that Jews run Hollywood, let me point out that there were a couple of non-Jewish, non-movie star names in the lot. Or at least one.
PROMISORY NOTE OF THE DAY:
To post photographic evidence of the above described parking lot when I get back to NY where I left my U.S.B. cable.
TV EXPERIENCE OF THE DAY:
Harold "Call Me, Harold" Ford, Sean Penn and Gary Shandling were on Bill Maher's Real Time. What was interesting--aside from the bizarre spectacle of Shandling's born-again Buddhism and his constant seeking of confirmation from Penn, whose eyes seemed dim and whose mouth had a rivettingly scornful asymmetry--was the devoutly Christian Ford's palpable discomfort--torn between complicit laughter and fear of being perceptually tainted through his association with these funny godless heathens.
UNFORTUNATE NAME OF THE DAY:
BJ Services.
Every bit as real and unfortunate as that of the baseball pitcher J.J. Putz. Saw it roadside a few weeks ago in Long Island.
TRIBUTE OF THE DAY:
To the milk shake: Antidote to thought.
PURCHASE OF THE DAY:
I am writing this (in its original scribbled form before being typed into my computer) with the least expensive and offensive writing implement available for purchase at the airport: a red white and blue American flag pen for $2.95 instead of the WTC memorial tourist trinket for $5.95. Commemorate catastrophe with tasteless acts of consumerism. It's the American way.
WALKING NOTES OF THE DAY:
This morning, I was one of the very few people who was walking and pretty much the only person without sunglasses and I was certainly the only person both walking and without sunglasses.
I had decided to make this the day I would buy my semi-annual shirt, and so I made an uncharacteristic detour from my meditative perambulations around the Santa Monica pier to go into the shrine of consumerism (Macy's) . Suffice it to say that 2 hours (and a lot of unspiritual indecisiveness later), I walked out of there $400 lighter and schlepping all kinds of clothing I have no idea if I even like.
Ah shopping. Ah humanity.
Interesting thing: I turned down a chance to get off my purchase because I didn't want to give my social security number for the Macy's card. I suspect this violation of the most fundamental tenet of Jewish culture (the value of value; also known as the commandment to never buy retail) will confirm my status as a pariah in the eyes of many of my family and friends (many of whom are not Jewish but have adopted this cultural commandment.)
My sales check out clerk was a strange bird named James. He behaved as if the ritual of payment was the center piece of my day, and proceeded at a most langorous pace. He remarked "Sixty-nine dollars. That's a great price." (I think he was trying to be mischievous or funny). He also had the quirky habit of reading out the prices in decimal rather than dollar and cent form. "That's 73 point 87 etc." And upon seeing my New York Driver's License he said "Oh, you're from New York City. Have you ever heard of Prospect Park?" And I said, "No. But have you ever heard of The Beverly Center?" What he had was a fundamental quirkiness trying to hide itself behind a sense of humor. But there was something off. Like the discursive equivalent of a bad toupee.
Anyhow, returning to my hotel, I was most definitely the only guy walking, not wearing sunglasses and schlepping $400 of clothing he has no idea if he will ever really wear.
PHOTOGRAPHY IDEA OF THE DAY:
Shoot a book of photos of L.A. Pedestrians. A rare and strange species in an alien and inhospitable landscape. In the bold (if slightly smog-filtered) light, they appear exposed, almost ghostly. Like travellers going nowhere after the end of the world.
COMMENT OF THE DAY:
I don't know why those cemeteries are wasting their time trying to sell me a burial plot. I can barely commit to my next cigarette, much less my resting place for eternity.
GAME OF THE DAY:
Jingle warfare. Mutually assured melodic infection.
PEEVE OF THE DAY:
NRA opposes bill banning gun sales to terrorist suspects.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070504/ap_on_go_co/terror_suspects_guns
I repeat. People who oppose gun control should be shot.
NEW CATEGORY/PHRASE OF THE DAY:
The Pandora's Box of politeness. That's when you make polite chit chat with someone and then you get cornered into some eye glazing discourse about god knows what.
CONFESSION OF THE DAY:
Transfixed and deeply moved by Time Warner Soft Rock collection advertorial.
1-800 970 0759
MOVIE REVIEW OF THE DAY:
After a promising first hour, that freaking Secret Window movie I saw on TV degenerated into the most preposterously gratuitous insult to the intelligence and dignity of the audience. It was an absurd recombinant hash of Psycho, Cape Fear, The Shining, Misery and Fight Club (in the inanely literalized hallucinatory representation of psychosis.) and a colossal waste of Johnny Depp's talent.
DILEMMA OF THE DAY:
Buffett and Genocide:
Compassion, it has often been noted, is the first casualty of capitalism. But is the death of ethics a necessary corrollary to that? This issue has now been brought home to me. I own a little bit of Warren Buffett's Berkshire Hathaway stock (To clarify: Not the super-expensive A shares, but a few of the far less expensive B shares...Just didn't want anyone reading the blog just because they wanted to get on my good side because they thought I was rich) and it appears that one of the companies in which Berkshire Hathaway has holdings is owned by a Chinese oil company with big investments in the Sudan. These investments, in turn, appear to be linked to support of the atrocities in Dafur. So, the dilemma: Genocidal hordes of raping, pillaging, plundering janjaweeds or the pleasure of seeing some electronic green next to BRKB when I check my stocks? Hmm. The devil barges in with Buffett's rationalization that "divestiture from the subsidiary company will not in any way effect the behavior of the parent company." And I almost believe him. But even if it does not lead to a direct change in policy, it leverages the moral authority associated with Buffett's good name to boost international awareness of the issue and perhaps lead to some positive real world consequence in the long run.
Gonna read more about it and keep you posted. But it looks like Teddy and Warren might have to be parting ways.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
I like Pixel Vision. I just like anything that is like so off but is still obviously trying to be representational. (beat.) Like my memory.
MY HOTEL EXPERIENCE IN SANTA MONICA DESCRIBED AS AN AD:
Getting to see people at the hotel bar and pool who have fashioned themselves celebrity knock-offs. Priceless.
Getting to see most of them perpetually on the lookout for actual rather than facsimile celebrites. Priceless.
Being within easy walking distance of the Pacific Ocean and all of the glorious things that have washed up on its shore. Priceless.
Paying $37 for a bowl of cornflakes, a small orange juice and a small pot of coffee. Pricy.
EXCHANGE OF THE DAY:
-Do I look famous?
-Uh, famous doesn't have a look. You'd look famous if you happened to be famous.
LFAQs of the DAY:
The wheel has existed for millenia. Luggage has existed for centuries. So why did it take so long to put wheels on luggage?
If Barry Bonds were indicted on the very day he breaks the HR record, which would be the bigger story? Would the stories be combined into one huge headline or be broken up into two big headlines?
Can one specialize in being a generalist?
Is it possible for a guy to be gay for girls?
Is it possible for a guy to be a lesbian trapped in a man's body?
If so, could he undergo the perversity of getting a sex change operation in order to more properly purse a homosexual relationship?
Now that it seems this Josh Hancock baseball player guy was drunk dialing at the time of his fatal car crash, does the sympathy shift away from him as tragic victim and get replaced by a sense of outrage that he was an irresponsible menace to society who could very well could have pulled a Brandy or a Matthew Broderick?
THESIS OF THE DAY:
Speaking of Josh Hancock, Brandy and Matthew Broderick (who, it will be remembered, killed someone in Ireland a number of years ago in a car crash and settled it quietly with lots ofmoney), how amazing would it be if one celebrity had a fatal car crash with another car that just happened to contain another celebrity? Like a super high Q-rating subplot of "Crash." I think that would be when the world would end. There would be a pre-recorded statement spoken aloud in a booming cosmic voice: "All possibilities and permutationshave now been explored and exhausted. The world is now officially over."
COMPLIMENT OF THE DAY:
Astronomically adequate
BEVERAGE COMMENT OF THE DAY:
I love coffee. The first 4 sips and I feel this instant universal love for like 20 minutes. And then I go back to being my normal detached self.
EUPHORIA OF THE DAY:
Sunday Trader Joes a strong Iced Coffee = Too...much...joy.
PRIMAL MEMORY OF THE DAY:
May 6. Today is the anniversary of the day my parents told me they were getting divorced. I was 11. It was a pretty world-shattering event for me--at the cusp of adolescence and all. I remember the date for that reason and for the fact that it was the birthday of my favorite baseball player and childhood idol Willie Mays. What do I remember from that day? Tossing a baseball with my brother in front of my house as my dad came home after his walk from the train station. We were excited that he would be coming home soon and hoping that he'd join us in the game of catch. He made a few perfunctory throws and catches and then went inside. Then my mother and father called me and my brother inside. We were a bit late in responding and they brusquely repeated the order to end our game and join them. They sat us down on the couch in the living room and my mother was on one chair and my father on another--a little farther away. We were a bit surly--bracing for some kind of lecture about disobeying our parents or something. I remember noticing that my father was wearing sunglasses inside--which struck me as odd. But not odd enough to change my assumption that we were going to get yelled at for something. Then my mother said "Your father and I are going to get separated."
Like for good?
Possibly.
Suddenly there was crying and screaming and I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room. My mother followed me but I locked her out of my room. My father started sobbing and screaming upstairs "I told you we shouldn't have told them." Then he came upstairs and told me that he still loved me and would always love me. And I could smell his grown-up breath. Then later, my mother started singing "We Shall Overcome." on her autoharp and tried to get us to join her. My father's birthday is March 8 and my mother's is May 19 and I remember thinking that it was somehow unfair to my mother that she'd already bought my father his birthday present for the year and now wouldn't be getting one from him.
My god, I was really a child once. In my parents' house.
A million years ago. Amazing.
OBSERVATION OF THE DAY NUMBER WHATEVER:
A lot of mortal and immortal shit is going on all around us all the time.
RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:
His elevator didn't go to any of the floors that other people lived on.
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Posted on 5/7/2007
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