June 30, 2006
You are lucky to live in a democracy such as this, where the president can take his bud with the wavy hair from Tokyo down to Graceland for peanut butter and bacon sandwiches a day after the Supreme Court rules that his offshore penal colony is kinda sorta illegal. Accentuate the positive! Lisa Marie looks great in that pants suit; White House spokesman Tony Snow put on the gold sunglasses to talk about Elvis (not about offshore penal colonies); and you good folk get great fireworks and hot dogs on Tuesday. It's just too bad Bush did not get his Constitutional Amendment to ban flag burning this week. Senator Hatch said it's the most important piece of legislation facing the Senate. Heck, how come no one listens to the great orator from the Mormon Theocracy? And with the Supreme Court leaving for summer vacation this evening, Elvis sightings are sure to dominate tomorrow's news—not some raggedly ol' decisions emanating from the highest court in the land.
Think positive! That pesky missing laptop with the names of billions of veterans was found, and the FBI assures us the data is intact. Who will get the finder's reward? (Still wondering who got that multimillion-dollar reward for narking on al-Zarqawi?)
Go America, it's your birthday! Sheryl Stolberg has a fascinating article in today's newspaper about the rewards of personal diplomacy. See, Koizumi is being rewarded for his loyalty today, in case you didn't figure that out yet. Therefore no pesky reporters will ask him why he keeps visiting that naughty World War II shrine, even if 1.4 billion Chinese want to know.
Loyalty is important. Bush rewards his friends, such as Angela Merkel of Germany. He will visit her hometown in eastern Germany next month, and see with his own eyes how poorly the economy is faring in Brandenburg. Can you pronounce "Brandenburg"? Anyhow, this Membership Rewards program extends to Condoleezza Rice as well. Earlier this year, she rewarded her pal Jack Straw, the former British foreign minister, with a wonderful trip to Alabama. Too bad he subsequently lost his job after that marvelous world-historical jaunt. Unfortunately, this Membership Rewards program is not valid in Russia, even if you've looked into the eyes of Putin and seen a man you can trust. Because his CCCP functionaries will still imprison oil executives, cut off the press, kick out foreign NGOs and squelch the volume on anyone else who wants to rat out this authoritarian state. Too bad Ms. Rice during this latest jet-set IMF mission has found this to be the case as well with her counterpart, Sergey Lavrov. Good thing the microphones weren't turned off yesterday, because it seems she got an earful. Heck, it's tough being a Sovietologist in 2006! Wow, bet she wishes she were in Graceland today. The food there is better than in Kabul, where she went to prop up our guy Hamid Karzai a few days ago. But she will be home by the Fourth of July, don't worry. I won't mention how Richard Milhous Nixon turned to the King to boost his popularity. Or how Elvis has been sighted by space aliens in Roswell, N.M. I just want to wish America a happy birthday.
Tags:
angela merkel, condoleezza rice, elvis presley, graceland, jack straw, richard nixon, sergey lavrov
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Posted on 6/30/2006
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