Items New York Hipsters Know Before Everyone Else

"Quirky and Irreverent" in LA

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 20:08:35 -0500

In yesterday’s summation of the self-congratulatory festival of actors that is The Golden Globes awards, the Los Angeles Times’ Maria Elena Fernandez and Richard Rushfield penned that “If the Golden Globes are Oscar's quirky, irreverent stepsister, the assembled multitudes of nominees, paparazzi and hangers-on did their best Monday to help the show live up to its reputation.” So in LA-speak, a Golden Globe is quirky. Irreverent. Yep. I didn’t in fact watch The Golden Globe Awards in their entirety; but please, please, for the sanctity of the Los Angeles Times and its nevertheless frequently worthy staff of Pulitzer-winning writers, reveal to me anything worthy of the celebrated quality of “quirk” in the Golden Globes 2006. The carpet was red, the speeches were canned, the smiles were practiced, the speeches were long, the smiles were self-congratulatory, the speeches were uncreative, the smiles were ready to get the hell out of there – as far as I could tell in the brief span of time it took me to fold my one load of laundry on my white shag rug. Let’s not even talk about irreverence, and its sad absence in any award ceremony anywhere close to southern California. Thank you. IhateLA P.S. I did manage to catch a moment of Gweneth Paltrow’s presentation of the Olivier Award to Anthony Hopkins. Gwenyth pronounced “Anthony” as “Antony”. Over and over and over. Is that quirky?

Tags: anthony hopkins, awards, golden globes, gwenyth paltrow, irreverent, la, lifestyle, movies, new york, quirky, reviews, style, television, tv

Why Are Psychics Into Unicorns?

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 21:27:30 -0500

There is a woman who lives in Malibu who is a Psychic to Stars, Two U.S. Presidents and Fortune 500 CEO's: I know because The Malibu Times told me so. She is included on a seemingly distinguished list of her devining colleagues -- I say "seemingly distinguished" because the web page background is airbrushed with purple unicorns. I guess purple unicorns mean these psychics know what they're talking about. Anyway, just so you know, there is a community of psychics including this Malibu woman who claim to have angels on their side, and I'm sure she's a lovely woman. Are there psychics with purple unicorns and angels on their side in Williamsburg? Just wondering. I'll bet there are. But if not, just a "head's up" as they say: neurotic New Yorkers, come to Malibu for sanity. And purple unicorns. Not to mention wool outerwear for the summer.

Tags: la, los angeles, malibu, mysticism, mystics, psychic, tarot readers, unicorn, williamsburg

Bicoastal MILFs and Vincent Gallo

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 12:14:52 -0500

To see women with baby carriages in Beverly Hills -- or Venice, for that matter* -- is just like looking at Vincent Gallo from afar. Both the mom/baby and Vincent G. are aware that you’re looking. The mom and Vincent G. both think you damn well should be looking, and both kindly look back at you to reaffirm just how smart your choice was to place your eyes on them (and their child) rather than the diners and drinkers and shoppers revolving around them (and their child). Incidentally and on an unrelated note, both mom/baby combos and Vincent G. seem to spend time in the same Los Angeles shops and restaurants, simplifying the objective of catching a mother and child in the same glance as Vincent G, which would be a doubly validating exercise for any voyeur wanting a pat on the head. When it comes down to the definition of true beauty, though, moms are more visually compelling in New York than LA. This assertion is true perhaps in that way that beautiful people unconscious of their aesthetic grace please the eye more than, say, Paris Hilton. There seem to be a growing number of moms in the east and west villages of Manhattan, as judging by the increasing proliferation of baby carriages; and they know how to receive glances. They don’t look back. IhateLA’s theory: New York MILFs have more going on in their heads to even realize that they’re being stared at. To look your observer in the eye takes distraction, desire for attention or perhaps just an empty head with nothing from which to be distracted; New York MILFs in Chelsea are mentally placing paintings in galleries on their loft walls at home, perhaps. New York MILFs in the East Village are overwhelmed that this is actually their baby, I’d say. New York MILFs in the West Village and Tribeca are thinking about, what, hard versus soft cheeses? As for uptown, IhateLA isn’t uptown all that much, beyond Union Square (where IhateLA catches the L Train to Bedford in Williamsburg). It’s good to see babies in the New York. It’s good to see babies in Los Angeles when said baby isn’t tantamount to a pair of Chanel sunglasses, Better to see: IhateLA would enjoy the sight of a baby next to Vincent G. coughing up on his distressed designer denim. *Fair comparison. Both are home base for Ugg boots and stiletto flip-flops.

Tags: babies in la, babies in new york, carriages, chelsea, families, family, la, los angeles, mammas, milf, moms, mothers, new york, sexy moms, star sightings, tribeca, union square, vincent gallo, west village, williamsburg

Wait. Sarah Silverman lives in LA.

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 21:20:02 -0500

We really like Sarah Silverman. Regardless I'm convinced beyond any suspicion of doubt that she's from New York.

Tags: la, los angeles, new york, sara silverman, sarah silverman, saturday night live

Wool Caps in LA Cause Car Crashes

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 19:02:45 -0500

Most people, really, in Los Angeles do wear them: wool caps, in West Hollywood bars and Venice cafes and in the baking sun on Malibu beaches regardless of just what direction and how far the mercury dips and rises. This trend is one of exceptional vanity, which isn't by itself a hideous concept; vanity can yield pretty. On top of that vanity, though, is the hypocritical Los Angeles style mandate dictating that the wearer appear to not give a rat's ass. All who wear clothes in Los Angeles do give a rat's ass. So all who wear clothes in Los Angeles and include the cap in their outfit is a hypocrite because that person is likely not a surfer on a 40-degree 5am tide. The cap is, in all ways, a hot-headed accessory, and definitely causes car crashes. The phenomenon bothers me most in Venice because Venice certainly is my favorite neighborhood (besides Silver Lake). Everyone in Williamsburg would agree, I'm sure. Drug lords mix quite nicely with yuppies and their small children, just like in my favorite corners of New York before the upper east side quite unfortunately lost its mortal terror of the lower east side: this is my definition of the omniscient word EDGY, and we all love EDGY things. So I can still like Venice. But if you know anyone who's going to Los Angeles soon, and brings a wool cap, kindly redirect their aesthetic to something more form-meets-function in spirit, unless it's a high-heeled shoe, which is the caveat to fashion bauhaus. And redirect them to Beverly Hills -- we don't care about Beverly Hills.

Tags: bad clothes, beach, drug lords, form meets function, skull cap, venice

New Year's Eve: New York or LA?

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 13:59:12 -0500

New York, naturally. I don't know if you have noticed; I may be the first one to say that boy, has New York changed since I moved to LA, but I'm still in perpetual bliss even if there are more crowds downtown at my once-edgy old hot spots (Balthazar, Pastis, the Spring Street Lounge). Even if the infusion of cash east of the East River makes even Williamsburg reminiscent of Manhattan. If and when I return to New York, though, I'll definitely move into an edgy Williamsburg loft. I love Williamsburg. In fact I do maintain that I'm the edgiest person in LA. At any rate I would be interested to see what Los Angeleans are doing tonight to ring in the new year, because I'm certain it's less inspired by intelligence and edge and relevance than all parties in New York.

Tags: balthazar, east river, edgy, falai, la, los angeles, reviews, social commentary, spring street lounge, trends, williamsburg