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Idiotarod Time
Idiotarod
Absurd shopping cart race
January 28, 2006
2pm; $5 per person
jstark@nonsensenyc.com
718 288 8970
http://www.precisionaccidents.com
The Iditarod is the famous long-distance race in which yelping dogs
tow a sled across Alaska. Our Idiotarod is pretty much the same
thing, except that instead of dogs, it's people, instead of sleds,
it's shopping carts, and instead of Alaska it's New York City.
The third annual event happens January 28, 2006. It will start in
Brooklyn, run into Manhattan, and end approximately five miles later.
Teams of five will race for a cash prize. And glory.
*Who can race?*
Anyone. Everyone. Last year we had 500 runners. We anticipate more
this year. You can forward this invitation to anyone you know.
*Isn't it going to be cold?*
You can count on it. The race goes off rain or shine, blizzard or
breeze. Bundle up.
*What's the route?*
That's up to you. The race begins in Brooklyn at 2pm. We will
announce a starting point, two checkpoints, and a finish line on our
website a week before the race. You choose the fastest path. You will
be held for 20 minutes at each checkpoint. There will be booze at the
checkpoints.
*Can we get drunk?*
It makes the pain go away.
*Are there rules?*
Yes, quite a few of them. For starters, four people must be attached
to and running in front of the cart at all times. There will be
referees along the route to disqualify cheaters. We'll release a more
detailed list of rules a week before the event.
*Does my team need its own shopping cart?*
Yes.
*Where do we get a cart?*
Be resourceful.
*Are you suggesting we steal it?*
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We didn't say that.
*Can we modify our shopping cart?*
Yes, although there are rules -- kind of like stock car racing. Your
shopping cart must roll on four rubber caster wheels. The only
exception is that you can attach some sort of sled substructure to
the bottom of the cart in case of deep snow or treacherous ice. As a
general rule, you can attach things to your cart, make a riding
platform, and grease up your wheels. You can also chop up the cart
and rearrange the pieces -- but they all have to be accounted for.
And because teams have asked, no, your shopping cart can not be
motorized.
*What do I do with my cart after the race?*
Get it away from us. Seriously. We faced a $5000 fine last year
because of your precariously balanced shopping cart pile in the
middle of Tompkins Square Park. While we're all for spontaneous
public sculptures and temporary memorials, we also believe in fuddy-
duddy concepts like responsibility and civic pride. Really. Take the
cardboard off the cart. Throw away the water cannons. And take the
cart somewhere else. Like a supermarket.
*What is this going to cost me?*
Dignity. Plus, there is a $5 per person entry fee. That money pays
back expenses and our award show performers. Everything else is prize
money. The largest cash prizes go to first place and the Best in Show
award for best team cart and costumes. There are additional prizes
for second, third, and last places, as well as money for best
sabotage. We'll spread it around. Promise.
*Can I make a side bet?*
Absolutely.
*I want to race but my friends are lame. Is there a team I can join?*
Maybe. We have a website feature that will allow you to find
teammates and talk trash. We are merely providing this service -- not
endorsing any of the characters you may run into there. We'd tell you
to watch out for shady characters, but you can make your own
decisions about what kind of team you want to join. Hell, you might
be a shady character yourself.
*This sounds funny. Can I bring my video camera and document it?*
We would much rather you race. We think you'll have more fun. But
yeah, you can come cheer on the teams at the starting line or at any
of the checkpoints. And, fine, bring your camera.
*Do you need any help organizing this?*
Totally. If you want to be involved with the project but can't run
for some reason -- like you just had ACL surgery and are still
hobbling around on crutches -- we could use you at the checkpoints.
We also need referees and entertainers for points along the route.
Plus people to make banners, hand out oranges, and make trophies.
Please let us know if you would like to be involved in any way.
*Can my team wear matching outfits?*
Knock yourself out. There will be a prize for Best in Show.
* Will we be better costumed than the Fakework Girls team?
Probably not, but this would not keep you from winning the Best in
Show award from corruptible, drunken judges. Remember, bribery has
its rewards.
*Why are you doing this?*
Because it's important to fight cold and kill boredom. After all,
it's January in New York.
*But seriously?*
Yeah. We want to live in a New York City where people do ridiculous
things to amuse others -- and themselves. And because we believe the
most important thing you can do with public space is use it.
*Where did you get the idea for this event?*
We stole it from a group of people in San Francisco who have been
doing it for 10 years. There are also people doing the same thing in
other cities, like Ann Arbor, Michigan for one. The Idiotarod debuted
in New York in 2004. People loved it. There are a lot of stories and
photographs about the event at our Website: www.precisionaccidents.com.
* Who won last year?*
Some real athletes. In order to discourage this from happening ever
again teams wearing spandex will be penalized.
*Where can I get more information?*
Check back with http://www.precisionaccidents.com or email
jstark@nonsensenyc.com. There will also be an extremely detailed
email a week before the event.
*Where can I learn more about the real Iditarod?*
This is a good website: http://www.iditarod.com/
*Will there be an afterparty?*
Yes. Tonic and Subtonic will host our first-ever official award show
and afterparty. There will be music, DJs, dancing, and libations.
Plus sacks of cash for the winners. It's going to be really fun.
*How do I sign up for the race?*
You are not required to register in advance, but it would really help
us plan for and better organize the race. There is an online
registration form and even a paypal feature at our website.
*How are you going to end this ridiculously long invitation?*
Mush!
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