May 10, 2006
After watching three really boring DVDs, I went out to throw them in the mailbox just after midnight. Miraculously, the mailbox that had disappeared a few days ago just as mysteriously has reappeared. Did this ever happen to you? You suddenly notice your mailbox is gone. It's happened before. Usually it's a day after you mail a few important things. Suddenly, you get that sinking feeling; this goddamn mailbox has been stolen, and all the mail I put in it is gone forever.
But in reality what happened was the postal service decided there were too many layers of graffiti on it and they took it away, only to replace it with a freshly-painted mailbox, ready for new tags.
Since that mystery was solved, I then headed on to Duane Reade to check out the mouthwash selection. But everything there was too overpriced (didn't I know that in advance?), so I left without buying anything. Of course I said hello and goodbye to the bored guard. Why did I do that? I thought maybe he might have something interesting to tell me. I said, "Howyoudoinman?" His reply was a barely audible "Awright mon." Poor fellow was barely awake.
A bit later, I walked down Bond Street, where two enormous luxury condo projects are being built. 40 Bond is still a hole in the ground, but on the other side of the street much progress has been made. I did not walk through that huge creepy sidewalk shed, however, because you never know what evil lurks in those dark corridors. (Usually it's a sleeping bum and a trail of fresh urine after the midnight hour.) So I walked in the cobblestone street, and then rejoined the sidewalk just past the building site.
And that's where I saw it: A huge, really well-fed rat. Even by East Village standards, this one was enormous. I moved fast. No, I've never been bitten, but occasionally there's a story in the Post about some kid in Coney Island or some godforsaken place like that who gets bitten by rats the size of cats. Of course, to a child rats and cats do appear to be similar in size. I'm no kid, but the very thought of getting bitten by a big rat is reason enough to hoof it. A few seconds later, I turned back—because you wanna know what that rat is doing—and I then saw a nice-looking Japanese woman walk out of the rat building with a roller suitcase. Of course, she had no idea that a monster rat had just scurried by, because I'd conveniently scared it away. Well, who was I to tell her about this rat? Instead, I started to think about these multimillion-dollar condos: once they are built, I doubt there will be many rats on Bond Street. Ian Schrager wouldn't stand for that. Some sort of luxurious trash disposal will be arranged, no doubt.
Anyhow, I saw a number of other reasonably well-fed rats on this walk, so Spring must really be here.
Tags:
bond street, cats, dvds, ian schrager, mailboxes, rats
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Posted on 5/10/2006
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