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November 29, 2006
Not feeling so verbal at the moment, so I'll let this photo be my means of self-expression for the day. But fear not: I expect to return to my usual verbosity before too long.
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November 27, 2006
IMAGE OF THE DAY: After The Parade: A Diptych
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November 23, 2006
CULTURAL COMMENTARY OF THE DAY: THE MICHAEL RICHARDS AFFAIR.
http://www.youtube.com/verify_age?next_url=/watch?v=U3RjiVcIlhY (racist outburst)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3l-gRHjUNk (apology on letterman)
OK, I assume you've all seen Michael "Kramer" Richards' crazy racist diatribe after being heckled at a stand-up comedy show. And you've probably seen his public apology via satellite on the David Letterman show. (If you haven't seen them, the links are above). I want to focus on one striking phrase in his highly awkward apology--the apparently absurd and certainly paradoxical claim "that the worst part about this is I'm not a racist." Now, the cynic in me just wants to say that hey. in this society no one is a racist. Mel Gibson was just drunk. The frat boys in "Borat" were misled and set-up. They really love Jewish people. It's always just the alcohol talking. It's always the Jim Beam not the David Duke. But, if I consider the claim to be something more than mere bad faith denial, and think about it sympathetcically--here's what I come up with (and this is in no way meant to exculpate Richards for his odious actions)
When people feel wronged or otherwise assaulted, their instant impulse is to get even--to lash out and attack the offending person or persons as quickly and as viciously as they can. In this primally enraged, vengeful state, we all have an unerring instinct for saying precisely the ugliest, most piercingly hurtful thing possible. Words are our weapons and we all know how to reach into the collective cultural quiver of nasty epithets and pull out the verbal arrow most likely to lodge itself most deeply in our target's psyche. Hence, if you feel deeply wronged by a woman of unsvelte proportions and want instant revenge, you might upgrade the standard "Fuck you" to "Fuck you, you fat fucking bitch." --not necessarily because you have any deep feeling of antipathy towards fleshy women, but because you know that these are the words that -in this culture and climate-are most likely to inflict maximal pain. In fact, it is arguable that you could yourself be a man who actually prefers full figured women and still choose to call the offending individual "fat" because of the known psychic power of that term. Similarly, if you're wronged by a follicularly challenged sextagenarian, you might choose to forgeo the generic "Fuck you." for the more stinging "Fuck you , you old bald fuck."--again, even if you have no basic antipathy towards the senior or the hairless populations. You simply recognize that these are percived areas of vulnerability and so you attack them in the spirit of revenge. And right beside "fat" and "old" and "ugly" and "bald" and "smelly" and "stupid" in the quiver of poison-tipped verbal arrows lie the racial epithets "kike", "wap", "guinea", "chink", "towelhead", gook" and, yes, "nigger."
Again none of this is intended to exculpate Richards for an ugly, hateful act. But it's merely to take seriously his avowed mystification that these words could come out of him despite his lifelong sense of himself as someone who is not a racist. Of course, the relationship between passive and active ageism, sexism and racism is complex and not innocent. (Indeed, arguably even the knowledge that certain words have that kind of power to harm renders us all complicit in the racism, sexism, ageism and anatomism (?) that they reflect.) We are all--to some extent--racists, sexists, age-ists and anatomists. But most primally we are all --in certain moments and certain situations-- hate-ists. And as hate-ists we will make use of any available verbal weapon (racist, sexist, age-sit, fat-ist, etc.) to express our acute --and usually very transient--state of hatred.
That said, we obviously have the choice --and indeed the responsibility--not to avail ourself of these weapons.
AFTERTHOUGHT OF THE DAY:
Actually, you know what? There is no way in hell I would ever launch into the kind of N-word laced tirade that Richards did--no matter how wronged and hateful I felt. I might might might --if provoked to the point of rage--reference their race in some fashion, like "You people have no fucking manners" or "You black asshole" but there's no way I'd go with a stuccato fire of N-words and lynching references. Nah, forget everything I said. He's a fucking racist. End of story.
I suddenly feel like the Nicole Kidman character at the end of Dogville.
QUESTION OF THE DAY:
Is Richards getting off more easily than Mel Gibson did? And-- if so-- does it have anything to do with the relative power of Jews and African-Americans in this society?
To be clear, I'm not sure that he is getting off more easily--but I figured I'd try to provoke some conversation about the topic--as I know how you guys like to fill up the comments board below with all kinds of interesting stuff. :)
RIVETTING SPECTACLE OF THE DAY
Perhaps you've seen this on youtube. A performance by two Bank of America employees at the annual Bank of America Corporate Meeting of U2's spiritual anthem "One" --with lyrics rewritten to reflect the grandeur and glory of their merger with MBNA. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tyS3GreG0g) What might have passed for a mildly palatable spoof if performed in a lighthearted, self-disparaging manner, was turned into an excruciatingly rivetting spectacle by the fact that the performers sang the fiducuary parody of the song with soaring full throated sincerity and soulfulness. "One bank, one card, one name that's known all over the world...One bank working every day, to bring higher standards. Feel it sister and brother...oh yeah..." It is almost indescribable. Here are two guys who are obviously soulful, frustrated musicians of some modest but real talent--men who gave up their dream of bringing the sky to tears and women to orgasm with their anthemic crooning--blindly and humorlessly pouring their heart and soul into the spiritual vessel of a new credit card. Listen and squirm as they sing, eyes closed in the transports of melodic rapture, "It's one card, and you get to share it...oh yeah..." It's a singular car wreck of hope, dreams, cynicism, capitalism and song--sort of like the crooner who sings the tributes to the Wing Man in those beer ads, but without any of the irony or comedic intent. It's like either the performers are once-lyrical souls truly brainwashed into the cult of the corporate life or they are just completely blind to the lyrics and see this as just their one chance to share their musical gift with the world. They are hoping to be discovered by some A&R guy in the corporate crowd. Or at least get a gig at a bar mitzvah. In truth, they seem completely blind to the lyrics. In their mind's ear, they seem to think that they're singing the actual devotional U2 song. In any event it's a mind-blowing mishap of tragic-comically misdirected spirituality.
If there's anything more mind-blowing than this spectacle, it's the idea that evidently David Cross attempted to do a parody of it. How one can possibly attempt a parody of something that so fully includes and transcends its own parody is a mystery to me. But I suppose had I not seen the way Colbert and Stewart have treated the Bush administration, I would have said the same thing about their efforts.
THEME OF THE DAY (AND PERHAPS THE ERA): RIVETTINGLY UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS.
From the Stephen Colbert roast of Bush to the astonishing "One Bank" U2 tribute (where you didn't know whether to laugh or cry or scream) to the seat-squirmingly compelling Borat cultural exposes (where you want to laugh, cry AND scream) to Michael Richards' horribly awkward apology on the Letterman show (where the audience--conditioned to see him as a funny guy--laughed inappropriately throughout) --it seems that the rivettingly uncomfortable situation is truly in the zeitgeist. It's the cultural phenomenon du jour.
I think to some extent we owe the apparent proliferation of said moments to Youtube. In other words, there are probably not any more such moments than there were before, but they are more widely recorded and disseminated via this ungoverned populist new medium.
ACT OF GRATITUDE OF THE DAY: THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR: (Please add to this list in progress.)
George Allen for having called that guy Macaca.
The Montana guy Burns for falling asleep at a meeting.
Youtube --for making both embarrassments ubiquitous and for arguably having almost as decisive an influence on the Democrats gaining control of the Senate in 2008 as the Supreme Court had in allowing Republicans to gain control of the White House (ok, to steal the White House) in 2000.
Stephen Colbert-Jon Stewart-Bill Maher.
The New York Review of Books.
The New Yorker.
Keith Olberman--for channeling the spirit of Edwin R.Murrow.
Bush's Faith Based rejection of modern science and the oil lobby in general for granting us an uncommonly mild autumn via Global Warming.
Wednesday night hoops.
Gas at under $2.50/gallon.
Friendship.
Language.
The earth and sky.
Autumn.
Acts, events or other phenomena that suggest or invite commentary.
Bands from Montreal.
Hops and Barley.
Lots of other stuff I can't think of right now.
DEFINITIONS OF THE DAY:
Scumbucket: A guy who walks right by a nice homeless guy in the bitter cold and acts like he doesn't hear his plea for help.
Kinder Gentler Scumbucket: A guy who stops for him and gives him some money, but when the homeless guy tries to engage him in meaningful conversation, says "Sorry buddy, it's too cold to talk right now."
POLITICAL STORY OF THE DAY #1:
Hey did you hear the one about the candidate who told the botched joke?
John Kerry assured reporters that his "botched joke" fiasco wouldn't stop him from running for President in 2008. And why should it? The botched face and the botched personality haven’t stopped him. Or should I say the stony face and the wooden personality.
OK, so that was a botched joke too. But I’m not gonna let it stop me either.
POLITICAL STORY OF THE DAY #2:
According to this week's New Yorker, the Democratic victory in Congress will in all likelihood have no affect on the War in Iraq. Bush and Cheney intend to make empty gestures towards bipartisanship and cynical expressions of political humility, while simply and resolutely staying the course in Mess-o-potamia, So, I'd like to retract one of the two" Woo-Hoos" I emitted upon news of the Democratic victory in the Senate.
TIME WASTER OF THE DAY:
Have you guys seen this amazing upgrade of Google Earth? The already dazzling global imaging function (essentially a seamless tiling together of all kinds of satellite surveillance shots) which allowed you to zoom from outer space to about 50 feet above the house you grew up in has now been upgraded to include precise digital models of every building in every major city--and to allow you to travel aerially from any place on earth to any other place on earth--with a view to which the phrase "bird's eye" completely fails to do justice. It is totally mindblowing. For example, I went straight from looking down on the house I grew up in to the Paris neighborhood in which I briefly lived to a completely detailed aerial tour of the Grand Canyon. With all of this 360 degree navigational control, it is arguable that you can get a more intensve, rich experience of the Grand Canyon from your desk that you can by actually visiting it. The virtual experience is once again threatening to eclipse the real…much as with internet porn.
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
I originally though that, with the addition of its detailed modelling of buildings, Google Earth had become a perfect tool for terrorists who want to attack us. But now I’m starting to think that it renders the terrorists redundant by achieving their main goal for them: namely, the undermining of the U.S. Economy. Indeed, what--beside perhaps fantasy hoops--could do more to reduce workplace productivity than this amazingly addictive online experience?!?!?
CANCELLATION OF THE DAY:
OJ Simpson's "If I Did It, This is How It Happened." has now been cancelled both as a book and a TV special. So now I guess it's "If I Did It, This Is How I Would Have Confessed Without Confessing"--with the hypothetical confession becoming itself purely hypothetical. Ah, the doubly hypothetical quasi-confession. Only in America. My Country Tis of Thee. Sweet land of Spincerity…to thee I sing.
IRAQ GOOD NEWS OF THE DAY:
While it was the deadliest month on record in Iraq since the beginning of the war, there is no evidence that it was the deadliest month in human history--and any rumors to that effect are clearly liberal "cut and run" propaganda.
SIGN OFF OF THE DAY:
Happy Thanksgiving!
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Posted on 11/23/2006
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November 18, 2006
PREFATORY NOTE OF THE DAY:
Yeah, I know it's been a while. And I know I really should have posted something earlier in the wake of the huge Democratic takeover of Congress and all that. I mean, here I am endlessly griping about the misery of our political climate, the poverty of our national discourse and the failures and abdications of the media and then the moment something really good happens...something suggestive of positive change, something that provides a reasonable basis for something approximating hope, something powerful and redemptive that makes one proud once again to be an American...and what do I do? I simply shut up and disappear.
I wish I could say the long delay in my posting was a function of the Democratic victory leaving me dumfounded and at a loss for words. Or that it was because i've been out partying in celebration and have been too wasted to write. Or that in the absence of anything critical and negative to say, I chose to say nothing at all. But as is often the case in life, the truth is far more pedestrian and unsatisfying: I've simply been really busy at work.
Now that I've got that off my chest, let's have one big, long-belated celebratory "Woo-Hoo" and then move onto some notes I've been scribbling on napkins over the course of the last 10 or so days.
AFOREMENTIONED WOEFULLY BELATED CELEBRATORY WOO-HOO OF THE DAY:
Woo-Hoo!!!!
DO-OVER OF THE DAY:
C'mon. That wasn't big and celebratory enough--although it was certainly belated enough. WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now THAT'S more like it!
MATRIMONIAL NEWS OF ELECTION DAY:
Brittney Spears and Kevin Federline crushed me with news of their separation--just when I was still trying to recover from Bruce and Demi. They cited "irreconcilable differences." And I wonder just what those irreconcilable differences are: That one is a white trash has-been pop star and the other is a white trash wanna-be-but-never-was pop star? I guess in celebrity marriages, that status imbalance does indeed constitute an irreconcilable difference.
ELECTION NIGHT META-COMMENTARY OF THE DAY:
TV moment of the day: Wolf Blitzer following the report on the Brittney-K-Fed breakup story said with a totally blank face "We wish them all the best heading into the future." It was absolutely unreadable as to whether this was contemptuous sardonic snark or just good corporate feigned compassion.
Only 11% of voters polled expressed concern that their vote will not be counted. The announcers were impressed that it was "only 11%." What a sad comment that only 11% of the people in the so called greatest democracy on earth not thinking their votes would be counted was considered a sign of voter faith in the system.
WHAAA??????? OF THE DAY:
Bill Bennet on CNN for Election night? What...was he giving the betting spread on the candidates?
DARING TELE-JOURNALISTIC ACT OF ELECTION NIGHT:
CNN boldly predicting McKaskill victory in Missouri about an hour after she herself had declared victory and about half an hour after her opponent had conceded.
HEADLINE OF THE DAY AFTER ELECTION DAY:
"Bush to meet with Iraq Study Group." (Yahoo). Of course it would have been nice if he learned a little something about them BEFORE he decided to attack/disarm/decimate/liberate them.
QUESTION OF THE DAY AFTER ELECTION DAY:
Should the Dems initiate hearings? Is it more in the interests of our nation than not doing so?
I was originally opposed to the idea of the Dems wasting a lot of energy looking backwards in divisive recrimination rather than forward in a unifying commitment to a better future. But I've come around to the position that an inquiry into deceptions and dishonesties past is critical our ability to move forward. It is essential of course that the inquiries be made not in the spirit of vengeful retaliation but in the spirit of restoring faith in our democratic system. But if there should be a little retaliatation along the way, then so be it. We'll take it as a Lucky Strike extra.
In any event, Karl Rove must be feeling a lot like The Wizard of Oz right now. You know, after he was found out to be this broken little man.
ACCOUNTABILITY UPDATE OF THE DAY AFTER ELECTION DAY: (In honor of the elections being hailed as an "accountability moment" for the Bush administration.)
In our great culture of accountability, Rumsfeld--in his resignation statements-- essentially blamed voters for not understanding the war cause it's simply too "complex" for them and Ted Haggard's defenders basically blamed his gay escapades on his wife--because "she sort of let herself go." Yup, the preacher's wife put on a few pounds in the thighs so her husband had to take it up the ass from a gay prostitute in chaps and a cowboy hat. Honest, Preacher Haggard had no interest in homosexual sex. He condemns it. But when he saw that extra cottage cheese on his wife's thighs, he was compelled to fellate.
LIEBERMAN UPDATE OF THE DAY AFTER ELECTION DAY:
Joe Lieberman who ran as an independent said today that people should "call me a Democrat." Of course the full quote of the ever opportunistic me-first Senator from the great state of Sanctimony was "Which party won? Oh, yes the Democrats...and can I get assurance that I'll be credited with previous service as a Democrat in terms of assessing seniority for possible Senate Chairmanships? Yes. Good. Ok, then call me a Democrat. Cause you know...I'm always thinking about the party first. "
RHETORICAL TELEVISION MOMENT OF THE MORE RECENT DAY (HENCEFORTH TO BE REFERED TO MERELY AS "OF THE DAY."):
Charlie Rose interviewing John Edwards
--Can you foresee anything that would make you decide not to run for President?
--You mean, as I sit here now?
I just loved the rhetorical inanity of the "As I sit here now?" No, not as you sit here now. As you fly through space three weeks from today in a blond wig and clown's nose with a bonobo monkey strapped to your back giving you a sorely needed reach around. Of course, what followed almost immediately as he began to hem and haw...was that giveaway I'm busted: "Of course I'm running, you idiot!" laugh emerging from the depths of his carefully concealed political ambition. It was a pleasure to watch the charade. And to watch him then try to pull his face together to reflect the appropriate admixture of altruism and gravitas. ("this is not about me this is about America"...etc..etc.. blah blah blah).
OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
The first casualty of the Democratic victory in the election: Stephen Colbert keeps falling out of character.
So far as I can see, the single biggest change in the country since the Democrats have won Congress is that Stephen Colbert can't stop smiling. Prior to the elections, I don't think I'd ever seen him break out of his wonderfully blowhardy character, but now he seems to be too delighted to consistently maintain the mask of idiotic righteousness.
As Colbert in character might say about Colbert's recent tendency to fall out of character: "Fraudulent bastard is a liberal after all! Despicable!."
SIGN OF THE DAY:
(Seen by Digital Napkins Correspondent Loren Parkins at the Department of Motor Vehicles Car Pound at the Brooklyn Navy Yards.)
Welcome to Redemption.
Please line up between the poles and wait till your name is called.
Visa, Mastercard, Amex and Discovery Card Accepted.
--Department of Motor Vehicles.
EXCHANGE OF THE DAY:
(Upon discovering that an athletic, health conscious friend had suddenly begun smoking cigarettes in his mid 30s.)
- Why have you suddenly start smoking?
- I'm suicidal
- Well, not that I'm encouraging you, but if you're trying to kill yourself, there are easier ways: A rope. Some pills. Some carbon monoxide....
- Yeah, but I'm a procrastinator.
CONCEPT OF THE DAY:
The suicidal procrastinator. He wants to kill himself but keeps putting it off. Maybe he'll start smoking and drinking and eating fast food. That way he can commit a little suicide every day...but put off most of it for later.
NEW CATEGORY OF THE DAY: THE HYPOTHETICAL CONFESSION:
LOS ANGELES -- Fox plans to broadcast an interview with O.J. Simpson in which the former football star discusses "how he would have committed" the slayings of his ex-wife and her friend, for which he was acquitted, the network said.
The two-part interview, titled "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," will air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29, the TV network said.
Simpson has agreed to an "unrestricted" interview with book publisher Judith Regan, Fox said.
"O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes," the network said in a statement. "In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade."
NOTES ON THE ABOVE OF THE DAY:
To pay homage to The Late Johnny Cochran: If the bullshit won't quit, you must vomit!
If only that John Michael Karr creep had known about this fab new mode of confession, he could have spared himself the pedophilic fall from disgrace of being ruled out as a suspect by the DNA evidence.
Hypothetical confession is threatening to join ranks with truthiness, authenticitude and spincerity--transforming the unholy trinity into the quasi-comical quaternity.
HYPOTHETICAL CONFESSION OF THE DAY:
If I cheated on my girlfriend, here's how I did it.
Look, I never said I cheated on my girlfriend. And I stand by my countless denials that I've made to her. But if I did do it, here's how it happened.
If I cheated on my girlfriend, I would have done it every Wednesday night during my weekly Wednesday night “basketball game.” Yeah, that's the scam a bunch of my friends and I would have been running-- for years. It give us each a fool proof alibi to have a night for unauthorized liasons under the cover of some wholesome healthy activity. I mean, it would. You know, if we did it that.
If I cheated on my girlfriend, I'd be doing it with that hot secretary Bettina who used to work at my office. But whom I finally felt free to ask out the moment she quit to pursue her career as a "dancer" full time. I'd meet with her every Wednesday night at my place, of course, cause everyone knows I'm not there. I'm at the “game.”
If I were to cheat on my girlfriend with Bettina, I'd cook her food the way I never do with my girlfriend. And I'd eat it really differently too. Let's just say Bettina and I don't need plates...cause we have each other. I mean, we wouldn't need plates.
If I cheated on my girlfriend, every Wednesday night with Bettina (and, ok, once, with her AND her friend Carey too! Yes, it would have been every bit as amazing as you'd imagine). We'd do it almost always at my apartment although once or twice at a hotel I'd have rented way uptown where no one I know and no one my girlfriend knows lives,
If I cheated on my girlfriend on this regular, weekly, ongoing basis, I'd be really grateful to her for never seeming to notice that although I'm supposed to be playing a vigorous game of basketball every week, I never seem to lose any weight or gasp any less after walking up the four flights of stairs to her apartment.
If I cheated on my girlfriend, this is how I did it for the longest time without her ever suspecting it.
But of course, I stand by all my denials.
POINT OF CLARIFICATION OF THE DAY:
Although I recognize that I have conceptually undermined all of my authority in this matter (having repeatedly pointed out the difficulty of distinguishing between the truth and its many shades of fraudulent similitude), I must aver --for obvious reasons of interpersonal consequence--that the hypothetical confession above is entirely fictional and in no way relates even hypothetically to me. And I must say to Bettina: "If you happen to read this, please let me know where you're "dancing" these days."
THEATER COMMENTS OF THE DAY:
Watching Beckett as uncomfortable yoga position:
Saw a Beckett play. Slow. Repetitive. Not readily accessible or rewarding in terms of its verbal or gestural language. But, much as with an initially painful yoga stretch, if you focus and relax into the initial discomfort, something opens up within you and an interesting and less common kind of experience becomes possible. At least that's what I was telling myself to redeem the first 40 minutes of lowgrade distress.
Also saw August Wilson's "Two Trains Running." Ultimately, a good piece of theater. But long. Sufficiently long, in fact, to warrant being renamed in one of the following manners:
"Two Days Running."
"Two Trains Crawling."
EXCHANGE OF THE DAY #2:
During aforementioned theatrical experience.
-Oh my goodness, there's ANOTHER act?!?! What time is it?
-Noon.
9/11 THEORY OF THE DAY:
In a groovy Williamsburg bookstore, I picked up a little essay by Beaudrillard entitled "the Spirt of Terrorism/Requiem for the Twin Towers." A sexy, slender little volume--pleasing to the post modern book fetishist. Anyhow, Beaudrillard's premise--no doubt anathema to most Americans-- is that the Twin Towers had to fall as a sort of logical extension of hegemonic superpower. In his view, The Towers collapsed neither as a consequence of the planes striking them nor as a consequence (unconsidered by him) of some planned detonation but rather as an expression of their own ineluctable death wish as the most salient icons of excessive global power. In short, they committed suicide. Obviously, as with most post-structural French theory, this is the actual interpreted as an expression of a cherished hyperabstraction (and not, as with empirically minded American thought, the other way around). But that said, it is to my mind certainly as plausible as the detonation theory. And somehow more compelling.
MEMORIALS OF THE DAY:
Jack Palance. R.I.P. He shat bigger than all of us. Actually, of all his memorable roles, the one lodged most indelibly in my mind is his portrayal as a cock sure American Film Producer in Godard's "Contempt." His absurd degree of self-confidence contrasts with the French wirter/director's self-doubt in such a way as to inspire the film's titular emotion in his wife--played with unforgettably erotic langour by Brigitte Bardot.
Ed Bradley. Loved the earing. Loved the relaxed, no nonsense 60s-style counselor/therapist manner he had with his interview subjects. As if they were old friends and he was genuinely interested. The presence of genuine interest (or at least the artful and convincing simulation thereof) really put to shame the crude transparent careerism and artlessness of most tele-journalists. My only story relevant to him was they he used to work out in a gym near where I used to work. I remember 2 women from my office complaining that he was a lecherous old fuck who would just stare at them while they were working out. At the time, I thought "Good for him! It's great that a guy that old still has that kind of interest." Of course, as I reflect on it now I have the uncomfortable realization that, at the time, he was only a couple of years older than I myself am now.
Adrienne Shelley. The initial reports of a suicide simply didn't make sense. Terribly tragic that it turned out to be a murder. Really loved her in those Hal Hartley movies, "Trust" and "The Unbelievable Truth."
DANGLING DESCRIPTOR OF THE DAY:
Between the seemingly banal and the seemingly profound....
BLOW TO THE IDEA OF HUMAN RATIONALITY OF THE DAY:
The truth is that I care more about the performance of my NBA fantasy hoops team with about $100 on the line than about my stock portfolio with all of my life savings on the line.
OBSERVATION OF THE DAY #2:
NBA fantasy rotisserie sports stuff combines almost everything guys like: Sports, stats, gambling, competition and extended periods of sitting in front of a screen being passive. It's like the perfect storm of male desire. Only the need for food and sex could get a man away from the computer or the TV. Although come to think of it, with Internet porn and takeout, not even that. Arguably quite sad. But I know some guys that consider it quite beautiful. And that of course, is arguably even sadder.
RENAMING ACT OF THE DAY:
Williamsburg should be renamed Forever 23. Or simple District 23. Because it perfectly captures the angst and promise of life right after college.
EAVESDROPPING INCIDENT OF THE DAY:
Overheard in the bookstore in Williamsburg.
-You're a painter, right?
-Oh, yes. But for me it's a learned, constructed position. There is no innocence. Or genuine talent. Or naive expressivity. I paint in defiance of the myth of artistic creativity.
-Cool.
OBSERVATION OF THE DAY #3:
The function of bars is to help people meet and perhaps hook-up. Liquor certainly helps in that connection. But does mind-numbingly loud music? Clearly the near ubiquity of said thudding in bar culture today reflects an absence of confidence in the capacity of human beings to generate the kind of discourse that's conducive to romantic affiliation. This is a sad comment on the art of conversation and the state of charm in our culture. Instead deafeningly loud music pulses through the spaces that witty repartee or intelligent verbal exchange might otherwise fill. It is a pre-emptive attack on the powers of language and thought--and on human software in general.
But, come to think of it: given the state of discourse and thought in our society, I can't say it's a bad business decision on the part of the bar owners.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"I don't know which is worse: How stupid the Bush administration is or how stupid they think we are?"
UNINTENDED COMEDY OF THE DAY:
Saddam Hussein suddenly saying--after his conviction: "Let's all forgive. Let's shake hands and forgive."
I expect an Onion headline "Saddam opposes capital punishment."
A friend remarks that we can't kill Saddam Hussein because he is one of our only true bona fide comic geniuses.
PARADOXICAL GRAFFITI OF THE DAY:
I'm here and I'm real.
IRAQ GOOD NEWS OF THE DAY:
A few things: First, they don't need to hear anything about Brittney and K-Fed and Tomkat. And they no longer have to hear anything from Donald Rumsfeld. But best of all: Maybe Saddam Hussein will make a last minute execution day Hypothetical Confession. Now THAT would be authenticitudinacious!
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Posted on 11/18/2006
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November 06, 2006
IMAGE OF THE DAY (POSTED A FEW DAYS LATER BECAUSE THE ENTRY LOOKED TOO TEXT HEAVY)
BILL CLINTON DOUBLE TRIBUTE OF THE DAY:
Here is essential subtext of Ted Haggard's recent statements: "I did not have sex with that Gay prostitute...not one time...I only bought crystal meth...but I did not inhale. I mean swallow. Yes, I had oral sex with that Gay Prostitute. One time. But I did not swallow Yes, that's it." Nice to see that the Republicans have learned from Bill Clinton after all.
Now, if the Democrates could only learn a thing or two from Karl Rove. Which brings us to...
DECOY COUNTER ATTACK OF THE DAY:
It is well known that the president of the largest manufacturer of electronic voting booths, Diebold, is on record as saying he would do everything in his power to make sure the Republicans won Ohio in 2004. So when I saw an article entitled "Investigation into Voting Machine tampering" I figured, OK, better late than never. They're finally gonna look into possible electronic abuses that during the 2004 elections. Imagine my surprise then when I discovered that far from being an investigation into alleged Republican bias, it was an investigation into alleged Democratic bias! Yes, evidently one of the smaller manufacturers of electronic voting machines is based in Venezuela. And, evidently, someone from the company was supposed to have some kind of a connection to anti-Satanist (err, I mean Bush-hating) Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Anyhow, another shamelessly bold pre-emptive decoy attack. Another weapon of mass distraction. Much like Bush attacking Kerry for not being a real war hero. Brilliant. Why can't the Democrats dream this kind of stuff up? Oh, yes, because the poor godless enemies of family values are handicapped by the vestigial presence of a conscience.
ARTICLE OF THE DAY:
Nice article about the state of Democracy by Michael Kinsley in this week's NYT Book Review. Makes the case that the biggest threat to Democracy in America is the rampant intellectual dishonesty in Politics--a dishonesty (which he distinguishes from outright lying) that undermines the basic contract with the electorate on which representative democratic government is predicated. In other words, if candidates cynically assume positions that do not reflect their true feelings or give an indication of the actions they will take once elected to office, then the idea of meaningful voting is undermined. Another way of saying this of course, is he objects to the triumph of spin over sincerity. ( "Spincerity"--if you will-- trumps sincerity much as Truthiness trumps truth.). While he doesn't take the media to task for failing to expose these inconsistent and disingenuous posturings (which, again, he tries to distinguish from outright, readily ascertainable lies), I would argue that such inconsistency or cynical expediency is in itself a reportable fact that can be construed to constitute "news." In other words, if they do not ever analyze or critique the spincerity in political discourse, the media is simply complicit in the undermining of meaningful democracy. If they do not actively distinguish between truthiness and truth, they become mere collaborators with and propagandists for the spinmeisters in power. While I admire Kinsley's attempt to be truly (rather than truthily) fair and balanced, I do think he lets the media off too easily in his otherwise very astute analysis of the forces undermining our Democracy.
NEW TERM OF THE DAY:
Spincerity. The artful and political expedient simulation of sincerity. First cousin of "Truthiness" and "Authenticitude."
NEW AMERICAN MOTTO OF THE DAY:
Truthiness, Spincerity and the Pursuit of Authenticitude.
STRATEGIC OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
It is striking to me how strategically shortsighted the Democrats are. Right now, they are dedicating all of their energies to an attack on the war that feels essentially small and opportunistic. Things are not going well. Public opinion has shifted. Let's ride that wave to victory. Which is fine, as far as it goes. But it is not a sustainable or meaningful platform to build on. It is reactive and circumstantial and does not free them from the contradictions (i.e. I was for the war until I was against it) that have plagued their attempt to establish a coherent narrative on the issue.
Moving towards 2008, they must start framing the issue in the larger and more compelling terms of homeland security. Indeed, their core positioning should be: We will make America safer and stronger, by being smarter. (This is the thought, not the wording--as the word "smart" will no doubt come across as an attack on the troops!). Anyhow, from this core positioning, everything else naturally flows. The war is bad because it is making us less safe rather than more safe, as our own national intelligence survey concluded. Boosting sympathies and recruitments for the terrorists is not smart and makes us less safe rather than more safe. Actions in the name of homeland security that do not have truth and moral authority on their side (read: the dishonest selling of the war, the creation of secret prisons, the implicit authorization of torture and the deprivation of basic human rights), undermine rather than promote our safety and security. Alienating allies by arrogant and dishonest unilateral actions is not smart and makes us less safe rather than more safe--particularly as we are in acute need of these countries' intelligence in order to battle our actual rather than imagined enemies. Etc.
The "smarter, stronger, more secure America" positioning not only gives the Democrats a compelling framework for attacking the mistakes of the recent past, but for framing a platform for future action--on both the international and domestic fronts. I.e. Lessening our dependence on foreign oil is in the interests of our national security. And while our administration occasionally pays lip service to energy independence, it does not deliver the funds to make it happen. We will. Having a healthy and well educated population is essential for keeping America strong and safe. Which is why will make sure everyone has access to decent schools and decent medical care. Protecting the environment and attempting to reverse global warming is essential for our security and, indeed, for our survival as a people. Which is why we will devote moneys to the development of clean energy technologies and create financial incentives for environmentally enlightened actions etc. Etc. Etc. The positioning allows the party to justify each of its domestic and international proposals in the context of a larger collective societal benefit: Keeping us safer and stronger. And it finally allows the Democrats to define the national discourse on their own terms.
Just a thought.
TV MOMENT OF THE DAY:
Jon Stewart and Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat on The Daily Show: A proud moment for Jew-kind. Borat spitting out the tea he'd just sipped when he learned that Stewart was of the Hebraic persuasion. It's probably a sign of societal progress that such mock anti-semitism can be publicly represented by Jewish comedians. (But perhaps it's also, at some unconscious level, some kind of a cathartic expression of internal ethnic ambivalence). Baron Cohen is to anti-semitism as Chappele is to anti-black racism: The priviledged self-mocking exponent/exposer.
Speaking of Borat. Here's the...
LINK OF THE DAY:
http://www.gofish.com/player.gfp?gfid=30-1000483&hid=2141213386
It's Borat singing "Throw the Jew down the Well." Amazing. In a weird way, the guy is doing something truly ingenious. Not since Colbert at the Washington Correspondent's Dinner have I seen something so gasp-inducingly funny, exquisitely discomfitting and, actually, thought provoking.
In addition to all the reflections it provokes about dormant racism in our society, the fact that it's such a catchy tune makes one think about the seductive power of melody to eclispe the meaning of lyrics. Do those people even know what they are singing? Were they more than merely melodic phonemes? For all the thought I gave it, the anthems of my adolescence could have been advocating arianism, bestiality or pedophilia and I probably wouldn't have noticed.
But, nah, let's not let those freaking anti-semite bastards off the hook so easily.
Throw the Jew hater down the well! Throw the Jew hater down the well!
QUESTION OF THE DAY:
Which is worse for a woman: To have her boyfriend addicted to internet fantasy sports or internet fantasy porn?
RESPONSIBLE JOURNALISM ACT OF THE DAY:
The NYT Headline on this last Sunday before the election. "GOP Glum as it Struggles to Keep Control of Congress." Nice to see them editorializing in favor of the Democrats for a change--as glumness is hardly an objectively definable or newsworthy state. Go NYT!! Better late than never! Finally spinning in the right direction!
IRRESPONSIBLE JOURNALISM ACT THE DAY:
The NYT joining the rest of the media in irresponsibly playing into the willful Republican misinterpretation of the Kerry botched joke and letting it become a distractive side show right before the election.
CORRESPONDENT'S REPORT OF THE DAY:
From Correspondent at Large (make that at Medium), Loren Parkins
Today's big news was that I went to the eye doctor, and discovered that I either do, or do not, have a bacterial infection in my eye. This is great news, because I spent an entire hour in the middle of the busy work day,not to mention another hour going and coming, sitting in the doctors office, after being told he was running "right on-time", (now I know that "on time" for a doctor means 1 hour wait.so go, check in with the doctor, then get a sandwich at the local lunch counter, relax, have a cup of coffee and browse the magazine section, it's going to be an hour, he's on-time!!) telling myself that if anyone KNOWS what's going on with my eyes, THE DOCTOR would. So when I finally got to see him and he spent 13 seconds looking in my eyes, and the next 4 minutes carefully washing his hands with special hand sanitizer foam and explained to me that I either did or did not have something in my eyes that would or would not require an antibiotic, I was truly relieved. Now I KNOW for SURE, that I either do or do not have a bacterial eye infection....And in this uncertain world, that kind of reassurance is invaluable.
ANOTHER QUESTION OF THE DAY:
Why is it that so many of the Teds in the public eye are really unpleasant characters? Ted Bundy. Ted Kazcynski. Ted Nugent. Ted Hughes (Of Sylvia Plath abusing fame) And now, the Very Reverend, Ted Haggard. Plus, Ted Williams wasn't such a nice guy. And lord knows Ted Kennedy has had his ignominious moments. In fact, among the famous Teds who come to mind, only Ted Turner and Ted Koppel seem to be decent guys. Maybe this is one reason why, after a brief early adulthood experiment with the name Ted, I went right back to Teddy...returning to my childhood appelation as the salmon to the spawning ground.
WISH I HAD MY CAMERA MOMENT OF THE DAY:
In a vegan restaurant, I saw a porn star holding her baby between her barely clothed breasts.
BUSINESS IDEA OF THE DAY:
Porn Star Moms. It'd make a hell of a coffee table book.
UNFUNNY, UNIRONIC APPEAL OF THE DAY:
Make some calls for Moveon.org or some other "Get Out the Democratic Vote" operation or at least donate a few dollars to the Democratic Party so they can run a few more stupid attack ads and get a few more stupid votes so we can all wake up on Wednesday morning feeling like maybe our country is a little less stupid than we feared.
IRAQ GOOD NEWS OF THE DAY:
No Shia, Sunni or Kurd gay-bashing religious leader was forced to resign after admitting to having repeated clandestine meetings with a gay prostitute during which he bought crystal meth but did not swallow.
SIGN OFF OF THE DAY:
My name is Teddy Vegas. And I approved this message.
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Posted on 11/6/2006
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November 02, 2006
AUTUMNAL PIC OF THE DAY:
POLITICAL COMMENT OF THE DAY:
Just when Kerry seemed to be hitting his stride as a re-invented "I won't be swift boated again" candidate, just when he seems to be "bravely" riding the wave of national anti-Bush momentum, just when he decides, after years of hemming and hawing, to go in for the kill, he makes a bonehead rhetorical move and gives the Bushies a political opening. The comment, in question: "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq." Bush jumped on it as a shameless criticsim of the troops. Kerry claimed, at first indignantly, that it was a botched joke...and he was referring to the mendacious, hack cowards in the administration. He said, he would not apologize.
Then, of course, this morning, he apologized.
He won't be swift boated again, but he will be flip flopping again.
In truth, he only apologized in a carefully limited, conditional, partial manner --apologizing for the bad joke and not for the intended message. "I said it was a botched joke. Of course, I'm sorry about a botched joke."
But still.
Oy. And just when I thought he might be shaping up as the most formidable 2008 candidate out there.
It's amazing he survived in Vietnam--without stepping on any mines in the minefields.
OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:
A man as wooden and as clumsily cautious (even in the mode of righteous attack) as Kerry, should not be telling jokes. Humor with Kerry is a faith based initiative. You have to take it on faith that he is trying to be funny--cause there's no verifiable evidence that he is. Here's what I want to say to him: "Senator Kerry, put that joke-like utterance down and slowly step away." Oy. He simply doesn't have the sensibility (or, frankly, the subtle intelligence) to gage the boundary where humor ends and unvarnished, unfunny hostility begins. Damn. And just when I thought nothing could stop the Democratic surge in momentum!
INVITATION OF THE DAY:
Please reserve this Saturday at 7:30 PM to celebrate my birthday. That will still give you time later in the evening to actually enjoy yourself.
Best regards,
L.
REALIZATION OF THE DAY:
In this era, being famously humiliated is considered less shameful than maintaining your dignity in obscurity.
CAUTIONARY TALE OF THE DAY: aka The Dennis Koslowski story
One minute you can be fete-ing your beloved young trophy wife with a $30 million dollar birthday party on a private Island in the Caribbean and the next you're staggering to your prison visitation window--still sore from last night's uninvited intrusions-to hear the erstwhile object of your amorous expenditures telling you she's retained legal counsel for a divorce and that she intends to take most of your remaining money. Keep this story in mind the next time you're throwing a multi-million dollar party for your trophy spouse or the next time you consider straying from the path of proper conduct--whichever comes first.
REVIEW OF THE DAY:
People have been asking me for ages to check out one of the films outlining the case that the World Trade Towers weren't knocked down by planes, but rather by a well-planned and sinisterly executed demolition. Anyhow, after much categorical a priori rejection of the hypothesis, I relented and agreed to see the evidence. I watched a film--available online at the link listed below--and here was my response, as written to one of the people who'd encouraged me to watch it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMWn-bQYfSc
"Checked it out. First off, full disclosure: I'm really anti-conspiratorial by nature. I just don't believe in grand diabolical conspiracies for 2 main reasons. 1) I have a very low opinion of human competence. 2) I have a very low opinion of human reticence...which is to say of the human ability not to blabber. So I come to this kind of a presentation with A LOT of skepticism. That said, I did find some of the physical evidence intriguing--particularly the apparent sonic booms below the buildings that preceded the collapse from above--and the associated smoke appearing at the base of the builidngs before they fell. The skeptic in me suspects that there are perfectly rational alternative explanations for these acoustic and visual phenomena, but I have to admit to finding this presentation more interesting that I thought I would. For me, the biggest problem with the whole idea however is the question of motive. I simply cannot believe that someone would wire the building for demolition in anticipation of some terrorist attack...and then have the cold bloodedness to detonate it after the planes struck... (knowingly condemning hundreds or even thousands of people to death...who might otherwise have been rescued.) I also ask myself, if the motive was purely financial, why wouldn't they just detonate the buildings on a weekend when no one was in them and blame the attack on al qaeda? I also ask myself: If the motive was purely financial, why did they even need to detonate them after the planes struck? After all: The buildings were sufficiently damaged that they'd have to be taken down anyhow and rebuilt anyhow--allowing the developers to reap the windfall of their recently re-doubled anti-terrorist insurance policy. I also ask myself: Why in the world did they use that simperingly grating Mia Farrow-esque voiceover??? It made me want to detonate a bulding myself!"
In any event, while I have a general aversion to dismissably conspiratorial luncacy that undermines the credibility of the more legitimate, fact-based critics of the administration (and, if I were conspiratorially inclined, would suggest that these conspiracy theorists are sponsored by Karl Rove for precisely this reason), I suppose I encourage you to watch the video to be apprised of what is being contested about the offical explanation (or, as the documentary authors smugly assert "the official myth") of the 9/11 attacks and on what basis it is being constested. The only caveat I would offer is this: Be warned that it contains repeated (and repeated and repeated and repeated...like Jamal Crawford's buzzer-beating rim-clangers) exposure to footage of the collapsing towers--a repetition which threatens to anaesthetize the viewer to the horror of the event.
CONSPIRACY THEORY OF THE DAY: (If I were inclined towards that sort of a thing):
Comedian Kerry is on Rove's payroll. Or at least the ole stone face cyborg clone that's been programmed for impeccably bad "comedic" timing.
AMUSINGLY SHAMELESS ACT OF THE DAY:
In order to try to capitalize on the political opening provided by John Kerry's willfully misinterpreted "botched joke", the White House sent out its official Veteran's Day statement in praise of the troops--two weeks ahead of Veteran's Day!!
QUESTION OF THE DAY:
Where in the word did this "Yo Yo Yo" salutation come from? I have been accosted in this manner about 5 times in the last few days from disparate sources and in both written and spoken form. It is spreading in the way the Avian flu threatened to but, fortunately, never did.
MYSTERY/DESCRIPTION OF THE DAY:
On Route 78S: Dead deer along the roadside at regular intervals like mile markers.
PHENOMENON IN NEED OF A NAME OF THE DAY:
Waving at someone and realizing, mid-wave, that they’re not who you think they are…then trying to play off the wave as some other kind of a gesture by repeating it...like it's some kind of strange arm stretch.
CONFESSION OF THE DAY:
I am underwhelmed by the response to my "Phenomenon in Need of a Name of the Day" challenges and am contemplating picking up my conceptual jacks and taking them to play elsewhere.
EPIPHANY OF THE DAY:
Unlikeliness should not be the main thing going for a relationship.
E-MAIL EXCHANGE OF THE DAY:
-To lose to St. Louis in the World Series of baseball was unfortunate. But to be beaten out by St. Louis in the world series of crime is simply shameful. What has happened to your great city?!?!? Get out there and swipe some Huggies or get arrested for public urination or something to help pad the stats!
-It IS shamefull. I know we can do better. Someday we will again proudly fly the murder capital pennant over the fair gray skies of Detroit. ps. does jaywalking count?
ANOTHER QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"I object to thousands of innocent people being murdered in the name of keeping me alive which in the end increases the chances of me being killed." -Something I saw photo-copied without attribution and left on the common table in the office kitchen.
HALLOWEEN COSTUME OF THE DAY:
A regular black T-shirt with the words. "This is my fucking Halloween costume."
DANGLING PHRASE OF THE DAY:
Another Jewish marriage saved by German automotive engineering.
QUESTION OF THE DAY:
Are the Germans making reparations to the Jews through their Audis, Mercedes and BMWs? I mean seriously, how often do you see an upper middle class (professional class) Jew in the suburbs without a BMW or mercedes? And how often do you see one who is not kvelling over it? "Yes, the Germans, they killed my grandparents...but they make a wonderful sedan."
MORE QUOTES OF THE DAY:
a)
"Hezbollah is very organized. But you just have to follow their 2 rules. No photos of Hezbollah members and no photos of missiles in suburban neighborhood."
-Dutch photo journalist Tuen Voeten as told to my friend Harris Silver--just after returning from Lebanon.
b)
"I'm sick and tired of a bunch of despicable Republicans who will not debate real policy, who won't take responsibility for their own mistakes, standing up and trying to make other people the butt of those mistakes," he said. "It disgusts me that a bunch of these Republican hacks who've never worn the uniform of our country are willing to lie about those who did."
-John Kerry, in a righteous moment, before the faith-based joke and the joke-based flip-flop.
SPORTS-BASED SELF-ESTEEM RORSCHACH TEST OF THE DAY:
One of the guys in my hallowed Wednesday night basketball game (the Commish, in fact... fine, young fellow), posed a couple of interesting post-game questions. The first" "What do you think your career winning percentage is...of all the games--formal, informal, H-O-R-S-E, 21 etc.-- you've ever been involved in?" The second: "What percentage of all the shots you've ever taken--in games, in practice, from the field, from the foul line etc.--have gone in?" Obviously, in the absence of any official evidence (and, no, sadly--ego wound of ego wounds-- my career has not been so carefully and objectively chronicled!), one must rely on an internal estimate of these percentages and, arguably this estimate is a compelling indicator of one's level of self-esteem (or, of course, self-deception). Anyhow, I thought they were interesting questions. My instinctive response was to say that I'd won about 55% of the games I've ever been involved in. And made about 40% of the shots. But who knows. It would be fascinating to have some way of gaging the reliability of such an estimate. Perhaps one day Google will reveal that (in the spirit of Google Maps) their ubiquitous agents have been video-taping all of our athletic endeavors all along and we can access these archived video documents for objective confirmation. How cool (or humblingly horrible) would that be?!?!? Show me the man who estimates his lifetime winning percentage as under 50% and I will show you a man with either very low self-esteem or remarkable candor. Or, of course, both. I have always been fascinated by how some guys leave the Wednesday night game tormented by the few bad plays they made among many excellent ones while other guys who may not have played as well put themselves to sleep at night with a kinesthetic/visual lullaby of their personal highlights. There are perfectionists and there are imperfectionists. There are the self-punishing and the self-gratifying. And there's room for all of them in the glorious game.
TEDDY VEGAS SELF-ESTEEM MOMENT OF THE DAY:
Having run not one but two suicide sprints after basketball last night--and going through the day with the exquisitely agonizing muscular reminder of said exertion.
KNICKS OPENING NIGHT IMPRESSIONS:
To root for the Knicks or against them? I like, many Knicks fans I know, was vacillating throughout the game--waveriing as wildly as a moderate midwesterner in the middle of a political attack ad blitz. I was sort of rooting for the them to blow it, once they collapsed in the 4th and were threatening to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. But then I was reminded of how much I love David Lee and decided to root for them to win. Actually, I was really just rooting for the game to go to as many overtimes as possible so that my fantasy guy (fantasy league roster player, not object of amorous interest) Jamal Crawford could continue his Starksian display of consummate innaccuracy. Actually, his three failed attempts to win it at 3 consecutive buzzers (end of regulation, 1st OT, 2nd OT) reminded me of nothing so much as a time-expanded replay of Charles Smith's famous futlilty at the buzzer against Chicago. Oh, well, it did remind me of one thing as much as that: "Groundhog's Day." Wait, Crawford is going one and one and attempting to heave up a winner at the buzzer again? Again? Again? Anyhow, love the guy and was happy that he got some redemption in the form of a critical steal towards the end of the 3rd OT and it all ended as happily for him as it did for Bill Murray in the movie.
Stevie Franchise made Crawford's shooting look Ray Allen-esque. A basketball friend reminded me while we were watching of my comment when the KNcks acquired Stevie Francis. Ahh, now we have Stevie Franchise and Stephon DisenFranchise. I
David Lee really is, arguably, l the best all around player on the team. Incredible all around athleticism, effort and court awareness. And I'm not just saying it cause he's white. :) Again, have to give the villainous Isaiah credit for an amazing draft in 2005.
Eddie Curry should be the name of a dish on E. 6th Street in NYC.
Q-Rich looked great.
And speaking of looks: What's with Mike Miller's hair do? It looks like he's going for a Scarlett Johanson kind of a thing. But in fact, he looks a lot more like Charlize Theron playing Eileen Wournos in Monster.
But hey, looking like Charlize Theron in any role isn't so bad. Even if you are a man.
KNICKS WHO LIKED THE NEW NBA BALL:
Q-Rich 10-13
Nate Robinson 5-7
Eddie Curry 8-13
David Lee 5-9.
KNICKS WHO DID NOT LIKE THE NEW NBA BALL:
Jamal Crawford 4-22 (!)
Channning Frye 2-10
Stevie Francis 0-6.
KNICKS WHO NEVER TOUCHED THE NEW NBA BALL:
Kelvin Cato
Mardy Collins
(Maybe it had something to do with their first names. Although Channing doesn't exactly have NBA virility written all over it either. )
IRAQ GOOD NEWS OF THE DAY:
There were no reports of any public figure calling anyone "Macaca."
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