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MOURNFULLY CELEBRATORY NOTE OF THE DAY:
Today is my birthday.
It has been a hard one as it will have been the first one on which I did not receive a call from my father. ( They were generally of a charming singing variety and tended to include the question "My goodness, where does the time go?") It is an absence that haunts the day. But I am trying to affirm my birth and continued existence, despite the acute sadness and sense of loss. I figure not to do so would be an insult to my father's memory and to the gift of life he helped to give me. But that said, there are still 6 hours till midnight... and there is some part of me that half expects him to still call. That simply cannot accept the permanence and unnegotiability of his absence. That is suffering from phantom father syndrome.
I am feeling the wound of my birth. I am feeling the wound of his death.
I dedicate this birthday, this posting and this trip around the sun to my father.
May he rest in peace.
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Posted on 7/25/2007
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gadnynj
So sorry to hear about you loss. Be glad that at least you had a father around in your childhood. What about those who long to share even a day with daddy, and daddy is no where to be found.
Also, sit down and talk to you father, his spirit lives on. Not like a ghost or some scary notion, but lives on. Your voice will travel. If this seems so outlandish than have a conversation with your Heavenly Father. Close your eyes and image you laying your sad self on the bosom of our Lord and Savior and cry if you must. Now that's comfort. Live on, I'm sure your dad would want you to find happiness in life and not dwell in death.
Posted on 7/25/2007.
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