IMAGE, IRAQ, RACE, RICHARDS, BREAK-UPS, MASH-UPS, "SIMLISH", "STUPHID" ETC.

IMAGE OF THE DAY:

From a cool exhibit of photos at Thinktank3 (Hudson and Morton). it's a show of iconic (and often defaced) public images of Saddam Hussein taken directly following the fall of Bagdad. This was a photo I took of one of the aforementioned Saddam images...with the street outside reflected in the pane of glass that covered it as part of the frame. Aside from simply liking the composition, I was struck by the way that the the arm of the traffic light outside evokes his imminent (or at least scheduled to be imminent) hanging. It sort of looks like the little hanging station you draw at the start of the game "Hangman."

POLITICAL NEWS OF THE DAY:

The Independent Iraq Study group reported that the situation in Iraq is "grave and deteriorating" and that while there is "no magic formula" for Iraq, a clearly scheduled sequence of troop withdrawals is strongly suggested. While it's doubtful that Bush Junior will honor the findings of this non faith based report, I'm glad it was presented by an independent non-partisan study group. Had it been conducted by Bush-Cheney appointees, I'm sure the suggestion would have been the following: To give every Iraqi chocolates and flowers and demand them at gunpoint to present these offerings to an American soldier.

???!??!?? MOMENT OF THE DAY:

A fairly long Yahoo.com article about Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn breaking up ends with the following paragraph:

"Vaughn, now filming a holiday comedy called "Fred Claus," is known for his roles in such comic hits as "Wedding Crashers" and the 2004 film of "Starsky & Hutch." Aniston came to fame in the television comedy "Friends" and has gone on to star in a string of feature films."

Now here's my question. What possible news value could this story have if the reader didn't already know who the two principal figures in the breakup were? Is there anyone who read all the way to the end of the article saying "Hmm, fascinating. But who ARE these people?" And finally got to the end of the article and said "Aha! They're movie stars!"

Because people love reading about the break ups of people they've never heard of. Actually, I shouldn't joke. I suppose that's creepily close to the truth in this gossipy, vicarious, schadenfreude filled world.

COFFEE BOOK IDEA OF THE DAY:

Maverick middle managers of the mid west.

EXCHANGE OF THE DAY:

GUY A: You just don’t get anywhere in life --and you certainly don't meet any women-- by hanging out and hiding out and being morose and depressed.

GUY B: Which is such a shame. Because those are four things I'm really really good at.

RACIAL COMMENTARY OF THE DAY:

a) Blame It on The Jew:

Evidently the breakup up Pamela and Rock is being attributed to her appearance in Borat. That’s right, blame it on a Jew. A Jew posing as an anti-semite. But a Jew nonetheless.

b) David Stern and the New Ball Controversy. (Warning: Contains sports-related content that may bore or otherwise fail to interest the sports-averse among you.)

Until his recent acknowledgement that mistakes were made in the introduction of the new NBA basketball, David Stern was demonstrating a degree of denial and disconnection comparable to that of George Dubya Bush in a higher-stakes context. After initially claiming that this controversy would pass much as the dress code controversy passed last year (a rhetorical strategy strangely reminiscent of the administration's characterization of Iraqi sectarian violence as mere last gasps of a dying insurgence rather than signs of a full civil war), Stern gave a refreshing if long overdue mea culpa yesterday. It is interesting to speculate on what swayed his opinion and convinced him that his (faith-based?) certainty as a pudgy non athletic administrator about the feel and performance of the ball may possibly have been less accurate than the opinions of the people who actually play with it every night on the court. What led him to see that this was a different and more substantial problem than that of last year's dress code? Could it possibly possibly possibly have been that--unlike in the previous instance-- resolutely non African-American hip-hop stars like Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki became vocal in their opposition to his new policy? Just a thought.

MICHAEL RICHARDS SUGGESTED DEFENSE OF THE DAY:

He should claim "I'm not a racist. I dated a black woman in that episode of "Seinfeld." Remembe? The one where I fall asleep in the tanning salon and end up bronze and I show up at the black woman's house to meet her parents and they say "You said you were dating a white man...not a damned fool!" You see, I'm not a racist. Just a damned fool."

TEDDY VEGAS BRANDED INTERACTIVE FEATURE OF THE DAY:

Which is the best name for a pin-up calendar of babes in bathing suits from Gaza?

a) Jihadi hotties.
b) Ji-Hotties.
c) The Gaza Strippers.

CURIOSITY OF THE DAY: (INVERSION OF THE DAY).

Overhearing jockish looking Wall Street type guys in suits talking about Eva Longoria.

-You know she's marrrying that guy.
-What guy?
-Tony something. He plays on some team

SUGGESTED WORD OF THE DAY:

Stuphid. Def. Awe inspiringly stupid. Too stupid for stupid. Incomprehensibly--even admirably--stupid.

Get out there and get it into the lexicon. Feel the joy of being part of something larger than yourself!

SIMULATED COMMENT OF THE DAY:

Have you guys heard of this SIMS game--whereby people recreate the pedestrian world to their particular specifications in the virtual realm? Well, I heard the guy who invented the game interviewed recently and he said that rich celebrities often create banal domestic simulated realities and tend to them obsessively while on the road in their limos and fabulous hotel suites. I thought there was something perversely poignant about this quest for virtual normalcy in the midst of extraordinary reality.

I was also interested to hear that the characters in this game have their own language: "Simlish." While I have no idea what it sounds like I suspect that it bears some ressemblance to the language used by our Commander-In-Chief.

ADVENTURE OF THE DAY:

I threw my back out just before I was scheduled to take my minimally ambulatory father for a weekend trip to New England. It was looking pretty dicey there for a while. I envisioned two guys on matching walkers emerging from a sexy white BMW convertible with the car stereo blaring "Boys are back in town! Boys are back in town!"

Happily, my back recovered enough to make do with a grimace and a limp...and we were able to leave the second walker in the car. And, I'm pleased to report, we had a nice time.

OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

Whoever said laughter is the best medicine has obviously never had a serious back problem--wherein stabbing pains shoot down your leg with each chuckle and chortle. And don't even ask about a guffaw!

BELATED THING TO BE THANKFUL FOR OF THE DAY:

That Alec Baldwin got over his absurd and misdirected ambitions to be a leading man and realized his true genius as a comedic character actor.

FORTUNE COOKIE OF THE DAY:

"Cleverness is serviceable for everything, sufficient for nothing."

PRETENTIOUS (BUT HEARTFELT) RATIONALE FOR MY SPORTS STAT FIXATION OF THE DAY:

It's all about the consolations of measure and the blessed refuge of number. And, oh yeah, avoiding my life.

INADVERTENTLY COMPELLING MASH-UP OF THE DAY:

Playing Sigur Ros's Takk under the piano music from a 1911 silent film clip that someone had sent to me via youtube. I can't quite say it was as fortuitous a musical merger as the Grey album (Jay-Z's Black Album merged with the Beatle's White Album--for those unfamiliar), but it was pretty damn cool.

NON POLLYANNA POSTULATION OF THE DAY:

The world isn't black and white. It's brown. A very particular shade of brown. And I think we all know what that is.

(The above opinion is a guest editorial and in no way reflects the ongoing attitude or weltanschaung of Teddy Vegas or Digital Napkins.)

HAIKU OF THE DAY:

(After going to the nearby pocketpark in an emotionally distressed state and staring at the waterfall in an attempt at wisdom, epiphany or mere self-soothing.)

In the waterfall
There is so much cosmic truth
And nothing at all

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Posted on 12/7/2006 ( Permanent Link )
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