McGovern, Walken, Gift Horses, Hidden Gifts, Memories, Death, Urinals...The Usual

FILE IT UNDER "UH, NO": ITEM OF THE DAY:

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. - Former Sen. George McGovern, who backed Hillary Rodham Clinton, is urging her to drop out of the Democratic presidential race.

McGovern said Wednesday he has decided to endorse Barack Obama. After watching the returns from the North Carolina and Indiana primaries Tuesday night, McGovern says it's virtually impossible for Clinton to win the nomination.

McGovern says he is calling former President Clinton to tell him of the decision AND ADDS THAT HE REMAINS CLOSE FRIENDS WITH THE CLINTONS. (Caps Mine).

LFAQs of the DAY:

Where will they find McGovern's body? What will the Clintons' alibi be?

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to lend yourself $6.4 Million?

When did Hillary become Bush? When did she become the cocksure, unapologetic, belligerent, reality-denying, debt-financed blue collar millionaire candidate you want to have a beer with?

Will Hillary stay in the Presidential race straight through the next administration?

If Hillary forces herself upon Obama as VP (as rumor has it she intends to) , how many extra body guards will he have to hire in the White House?

Was it all downhill since I left or did the party just get started?

On the occasion of Israel’s 60th birthday: Who is aging more gracefully: Israel or Bill Clinton?

How do you act like Christopher Walken without sounding like Christopher Walken?

Is there an opposite of Schadenfreude? And if so, is it empathy, jealousy or something else?

I saw a commercial that said "We don;t make comrpomises. We make Saabs." Then I saw one that said "We don't make compromises. We make Marines." So, are Marines Saabs? And if not, should the Marines' tagline be changed to "We don't make compromises. Or, for that matter, very original commercials"

Could an invisible car still run you over?

ONION-ESQUE (SHALLOT LIKE) HEADLINE OF THE DAY THAT UNFORTUNATELY TURNED OUT TO BE REAL:

Bush predicts the economy is going to 'come on'

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080503/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bush

CURIOUS LINGUISTIC OBSERVATION OF THE DAY:

Open is an anagram for Nope.

PROPOSED BAND NAME OF THE DAY:

Thumb and Mouse

RANDOM PROPOSAL OF THE DAY:

The expression "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" evidently derives from a time when horses were often given as gifts and it was considered rude to check the horse's teeth to see how old it was. (Teeth being a reliable indicator of equine age as they continue to grow over the horse's lifespan. Hence the expression, "Long in the tooth." ) My random proposal: Temporarily replace the phrase "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" with "Never look a gift uncle in the prostate."

MOTTO OF THE DAY: (Which I can't remember if I'm repeating).

It never hurts to say "thank you" unless, of course, you have a broken jaw.

AWKWARD MOMENT OF THE DAY:

Went to see the Chris Rock at MSG this weekend with a friend. Before hand, we had dinner across from the Garden at a nice little bar/restaurant. After dinner, my friend went into the Men's room to pee. About a minute later, I decided I needed to pee as well. When I arrived, he was just finishing up washing his hands. I assumed my position at the urinal, and said "I'm psyched. This is gonna be fun." (referring, of course, to the concert.) As I said it, I turned to notice that my friend had already left the men's room and another guy had just entered--to the curious spectacle of a man standing at a urinal alone saying to no one in particular "I'm psyched. This is gonna be fun!"

CONFESSION OF THE DAY:

Not sure if I mentioned this before, but excuse the repetition if I did. Anyhow, of the grab bag of talents I've been given in this life, one of the most impressive is one i'm not very proud of--and one which stands in some dissonance with my sense of myself as a self-respecting heterosexual male: It's my ability to pick clothing for women. Yup. There it is. I'm a "Color Me Beautiful" kind of a guy. I can instantly tell what colors and styles will look good on a given woman and have often (to my partial emasculation) been asked to provide these services for shopping women friends. Then, of course, I always do something compensatorily (alert: made up word). macho like eat 10 hot dogs in 5 minutes or attempt to burp the entire alphabet.

POIGNANTLY IRONIC QUOTE AND ATTRIBUTION OF THE DAY:

"People Never Die Until They Are Forgotten"
– Unknown

Which is to say:

"People Never Die Until They Are Forgotten"
– Forgotten and hence Dead Person

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

Death, like God, while ultimately nameless and faceless, wears a different name and face all the time.

SKETCH IDEA OF THE DAY:

A guy who is powerless to control his impulse to do a bad impression of Christopher Walken. He is apologizing to his wife for falling back into this behavior that he knows she hates. He explains that he simply can't help himself. He can't stop doing it ever since he saw a repeat of the SNL episode that Christopher Walken hosted. He delivers his apology in his bad Christopher Walken voice and--and here's the kicker--he delivers it as if reading off cue cards (as Walken did throughout that otherwise stellar SNL episode.) He tells her about the support he's getting though his visits to the 12 step program Imitators Anonymous. And he promises to call his sponsor. ( "A lovely guy with an Al Pacino problem." Just terrible. Poor guy can't stop yelling "Hua.") Hijinx ensues.

OBSERVANCE OF THE DAY:

May 6. Childhood idol Willie Mays' birthday and the day my parents told me they were getting a divorce, a million years ago. I wrote about it last year, at the end of the post below.

http://teddyvegas.blogspot.com/2007/05/greetings-from-sunny-teddy-santa-monica.html

To save you a click, I'll copy and paste the relevant section:

May 6. Today is the 35th anniversary of the day my parents told me they were getting divorced. I was 11. It was a pretty world-shattering event for me--at the cusp of adolescence and all. I remember the date for that reason and for the fact that it was the birthday of my favorite baseball player and childhood idol Willie Mays. What do I remember from that day? Tossing a baseball with my brother in front of my house as my dad came home after his walk from the train station. We were excited that he would be coming home soon and hoping that he'd join us in the game of catch. He made a few perfunctory throws and catches and then went inside. Then my mother and father called me and my brother inside. We were a bit late in responding and they brusquely repeated the order to end our game and join them. They sat us down on the couch in the living room and my mother was on one chair and my father on another--a little farther away. We were a bit surly--bracing for some kind of lecture about disobeying our parents or something. I remember noticing that my father was wearing sunglasses inside--which struck me as odd. But not odd enough to change my assumption that we were going to get yelled at for something. Then my mother said "Your father and I are going to get separated."

Like for good?
Possibly.

Suddenly there was crying and screaming and I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room. My mother followed me but I locked her out of my room. My father started sobbing and screaming upstairs "I told you we shouldn't have told them." Then he came upstairs and told me that he still loved me and would always love me. And I could smell his grown-up breath. Then later, my mother started singing "We Shall Overcome." on her autoharp and tried to get us to join her. My father's birthday is March 8 and my mother's is May 19 and I remember thinking that it was somehow unfair to my mother that she'd already bought my father his birthday present for the year and now wouldn't be getting one from him. My god: I was really a child once. In my parents' house.

35 years ago. Amazing.

---

Particularly poignant for me this year, now that this primal memory of parental separation has been colored by the final separation of parental death.


RANDOM SINGLE SENTENCE PORTRAIT OF THE DAY:

His main goal in life was to have his efforts and contributions entirely unreflected in the Gross National Product.

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