June 07, 2006
Due to what the Conservative Right likes to refer to as “activist judges” (not mention the need to shift public opinion away from the very disastrous fiscal policy promulgated by that same Conservative Right), the Repubs in the Senate have deemed it necessary to try to fast-track an anti-gay marriage bill.
Bush, who loves to be the head of our big, national family (Paterfamilas), has proclaimed that the very fabric of our nation is threatened by these activist judges, who have struck down state legislation attempting to prohibit same-sex couples from marrying. The real evil, it seems, lay in the Bedroom, and not in the War Room. Yes, it is who we love that makes us dangerous, not how we hate. Therefore these “activist judges” are putting us all in danger because they want us to recognize that love is a many splendid thing, as long as it meets certain sets of codification.
In order to have a bona fide marriage, the following are required:
1. A vagina
2. A penis
3. Insertion of 2 into 1, but only 1
4. A contract for a lifetime of insertions approved of by the State and the clergy
5. Legal entanglements for a lifetime, should the contract be broken
The contract is approved of if:
1. One party can give proof of a vagina
2. One party can give proof of a penis
3. Both parties plan to procreate (Fox News’ Gibson would like all white couples to promise to replicate at least four times)
4. Both parties agree to love, honor and respect until death do they part
5. An escape clause for those moments when love, honor and respect are thrown out the window and replaced by hate, revile and loathe
In the world of the Conservative Right, this is just one step towards the regulation of our very private lives. As with abortion rights, the right to love must be taken away from the individual for the greater good of the society. What is the future of marriage, if this piece of legislation is passed? If Gibson gets his way, only white people will be allowed to marry, and they will likely get tax credits for all the white babies they produce. Poor, single mothers will be criminalized for endangering their children, felons won’t have the right to a family, and on and on and on.
And why is that each time a Federal judge holds reactive state legislation to the standards set by the US constitution he/she is called an “activist”, and why is the word “activist” clearly meant to be pejorative? Would it be better that he/she be a “passivist”?
Domestic Partnership is the new demon chasing the Conservative Right. We need to fear things, and to hate them. Sad, but we now knew that there is no giant sea monster eating missing ships, there are no evil witches in Salem, even aliens are proving extremely hard to find, and what is worse there are only a handful of evil dictators left. It is therefore time to engage in self-loathing, and why not make domestic partnership the receptacle of our hate?
That’s why Domestic Spying is so important. There is no way that we will be able to properly poke into the citizenry’s private business if we can’t spy. We want to poke into their minds, insert our probes into the core of their being so that we can protect the fabric of our very nation – from ourselves - the evil We (as in We the People... In order to form a more perfect union...).
Clearly, all of this brouhaha is aimed at the Blue States, those naughty little liberal protectorates who voted against Cheney – I mean Bush-Cheney. The anti-gay bill is clearly aimed at the longtime liberal strongholds. The same applies to the distribution of funds for anti-terrorism. The Red States are licking that Pork Barrel clean, while the Blue States are standing on line like Olive Twist waiting for more gruel.
Gruel. Penis. Vagina.
There is no forward-thinking policy coming out the Capital – just more of the same pork and crap that we have come to expect from Bush-Cheney.
Tags:
anti gay, blue states, bush, cheney, gay marriage, pork, red states, spying
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Posted on 6/7/2006
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