RBS - I'm Glad You Asked That Question!

Probably no other affliction in modern times has inhibited the ability of our athletes to turn in a credible performance than RBS, which is characterized by an involuntary rumba motion of the gluteus maximus muscle group induced by overexposure to Latin music radio stations.

200motels Sports News commissioned the Crack Detective Agency to get to the bottom of this issue.  The result was an in-depth probe into the backfields of America's most highly performing sports teams by Crack, which spared no effort to get to the bottom of the matter.

In an exclusive interview with Buttley Culo, Crack's vice-president for internal affairs, these startling facts emerged:

Restless Butt Syndrome affects pitchers and catchers in equal proportion, with half of respondents insisting that they would like to get on top of the situation and the other half adopting a passive desire to let the situation run its course and see what emerged.

Football players were equally divided on the issue, with centers expressing the preference of snapping the ball on three and quarterbacks preferring that the ball be snapped on one, a more immediate response.

What developed in the boxing world was a dichotomy between the aggressive, man-handling style of Floyd Mayweather and the rather more laid back style of Oscar De La Hoya, characterized by a predilection for ladies' panties and feather boas.

When it came to women's sports, the athletes expressed a desire for long post-game massages involving the use of water piks.  "It helps to reduce the stress induced by intense athletic competition, " remarked one championship female soccer player."  "I find that I relax most by sitting on the basketball," said the captain of a championship girls' collegiate team."

Whatever short-run solutions may be improvised in America's locker rooms, the problem of Restless Butt Syndrome will continue to plague America's athletes until an advisory council on the subject is established by President Bush.

This has been a special report by 200motels Sports Network.

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