200motels SPORTS REPORT

Now that the Red Sox won the World Series Rudolph Giuliani must be in heaven.  His excuse for switching from the Yanks to the Red Sox was that they are both in the American League, but I know the real reason.  The real reason that Giuliani likes the Sox is that they both like to go out wearing ladies' dresses.

The Red Sox's secret strategy for beating the Yankees involves equiping all their batters with rubber fly masks to freak out Joba Chamberlain. Chamberlain is insisting that the Yankees install mosquito netting over the pitcher's mound.

Knicks owner James Dolan says that to improve the Knicks' shooting accuracy he is going to line the basket rim with hair.

A-Rod told the Dodgers that if he agrees to sign with them he wants them to build him a miniature New York like the one in Las Vegas, complete with a pop-up dummy of George Steinbrenner that he can run over with his own subway train.  Former Dodgers manager Grady Little said he left the team for personal reasons.  He woke up and found Dodgers owner Frank McCourt standing over his bed holding a knife.

Sometimes people's pets come to exactly resemble them.  Is that why Don Mattingly looks exactly like Joe Torre?  Now that Mattingly is going out to LA he should feel right at home, since Steinbrenner passed him off to Torre like one of Ellen Degeneres' dogs.  It's the biggest migration of New Yorkers to LA since Walter O'Malley brought The Brooklyn Dodgers to Chavez Ravine (until I was 25 years old I thought Chavez Ravine was a Mexican Jew).

Las Vegas is scheduled to get its own NBA franchise, called the Las Vegas Crooked Refs.  They're going to use hookers from The Mustang Ranch for cheerleaders and during half-time OJ is going to come out with a pistol and rob the fans.  They say that everything that happens in Las Vegas stays in Vegas.  They must be referring to OJ, because he is going to be staying there for a long, long time.  They already have a nice jail all prepared for him in the secret underground dumps where they test the bombs.

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Posted on 10/31/2007 ( Permanent Link )
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