VALERIE PLAME, SECRET AGENT!

VALERIE PLAME, SECRET AGENT

Valerie Plame, the super-duper CIA undercover agent who was betrayed by her own government as revenge against her diplomat husband, Joe Wilson, has agreed to this interview with 200motels to tell her side of the story.

200motels –  Ms. Plame, what can you tell us about your duties as an espionage agent?

Plame –  My job was to make the Russians believe that all Americans are airheads and idiots.

200motels –  Do you think you succeeded?

Plame –  I know I did. Who would believe that I have any brains at all? Actually, I’m a rocket scientist with a degree from The Rocket J. Squirrel Institute of Ass-tro Physics.

200motels –  I find that impossible to believe.

">

Plame –  See, it works!

200motels –  Were you in charge of recruiting agents?

Plame –  You bet!I ran a whole network of Cuban exiles from my beach chair at the pool of The Delano in Miami Beach.

200motels –  Did you ever go to Cuba?

Plame –  Only once, but I can’t stand the smell of cigar smoke.

200motels –  Did you ever work undercover?

Plame –  I once infiltrated a planeload of European models who were sent to the United Arab Emirates to have sex with rich arabs.

200motels –  That sounds exciting.

Plame –  It was! Look, that’s where I got this Rolex.

200motels –  That’s a beauty!

Plame –  Yeah, it actually tells time.

200motels –  Yeah, but it’s eight hours fast.

Plame –  That’s because it’s still on Bahrain time. I haven’t figured out how to set it for the U.S.

200motels –  You must have some secret disguises.

Plame –  I was inspired by Mata Hari. Of course, she was a great dancer and I can’t dance at all, so I took a course in pole dancing at The Learning Annex, and that way I was able to infiltrate the Mustang Ranch in Las Vegas.

200motels –  That’s a bordello. Did you learn any secrets?

Plame – Sure, but I can’t show you any of them.

200motels –  Do you have any secret weapons?

Plame –  Well, these Jimmy Choo stiletto heels actually have knives that pop out of them. And this studded belt from Rodeo Drive is really a secret control belt.

200motels - What does it control?

Plame –  Well, these are not my real breasts…

200motels - You could have fooled me!

Plame –  When I touch this button on my belt they shoot out sleeping gas.

200motels - I’m already passing out.

Plame - Don’t do that. If you fall down and I have to catch you I might break a nail.

200motels - Heaven forbid!

Plame - Now, these are my collection of Barbie dolls, but they’re actually remote-controlled robots with video capability. And when I press this button on my belt they explode.

200motels - Oh, how precious! Little remote-control bombs!

Plame - And this inflatable sex doll is fitted with a tape recorder, so after the guy does it to the doll and he falls in love with it, it records all the secrets he tells it, and we decipher the secrets back at headquarters.

200motels - Did you ever spy on Al-Qaeda?

Plame - Yeah, I put on this costume and the guys thought I was a camel and we had sex. I was able to collect a lot of DNA samples.

200motels –  Wow, you’re a regular genius!

Plame - See, I told you!

Come to www.200motels.net, the last bastion of CLASS in a nasty world!

Tags:   None

© All rights reserved.

Posted on 10/22/2007 ( Permanent Link )
Read 431 Times
 Send to Friend