LET MY PARIS GO!!!

I am sooo relieved that sweet, charming Paris Hilton has been released from that awful jail, where she was being confined with rapists, murderers and sociopathic career criminals.

Nevertheless, poor Paris’ travails are not over yet. She still has to spend the next forty days confined to her Beverly Hills mansion, and she can’t even go in the pool for fear of getting her compulsory ankle bracelet wet.

I predict that by this time next week all the smart young girls are going to show up in the clubs wearing jewel-encrusted monitoring bracelets around their shapely ankles in solidarity with poor Paris, who is really a political prisoner, incarcerated by public demand to satisfy the vindictive passions of millions of less fortunate persons in flyover country for whom public flogging and drawing and quartering of this beautiful heiress would not have been punishment enough.

At least back home she can smoke a joint and drink champagne with her girlfriends. She can fuck her brains out.

I guess this means that she's going to give up studying the Bible. What a drag! I was looking forward to seeing her sermon on Jacob and The Coat of Many Colors on The Sunday Bible Hour.

It could have been worse. If the L.A. County Sheriff’s Office had really wanted to be mean, they could have forced Paris to wear the bracelet on her butt as a way of monitoring her sex life. That would have been cruel and unusual punishment. If they had done that, I would have personally volunteered to go over to her house to read the meter.

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Posted on 6/7/2007 ( Permanent Link )
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