Interview With Al-Queda

Our fearless Italian war correspondent, Salmonella Mustaccioli, managed to get an exclusive battlefield interview with the new leader of Al-Queda in Iraq, Moola Marikon.

Salmonella – Thanks for granting me this interview.

Moola – Duck!

Salmonella – Why, is someone shooting?

Moola – No, I saw a duck and I want to catch him for dinner.

Salmonella – Lately you haven’t had much luck killing Americans.

Moola – That’s because we’ve been suffering from Projectile Dysfunction.

Salmonella – Why is that?

Moola – Every time we aim our rocket launcher the donkey moves and shakes the cart.

Salmonella – What do you plan to do about it?

Moola – We’re unveiling our new secret weapon, laser-guided flying carpets. When the enemy steps on one, it moves and the guy falls down.

Salmonella – Do you get a lot of arms from Iran?

Moola – Yeah. Also a lot of legs and heads.

Salmonella – What’s your plan for attacking the Green Zone?

Moola – We’re digging a tunnel.

Salmonella – Why is it taking so long?

Moola – We started digging in Syria.

Salmonella – Do you intend to attack the Kurds?

Moola – You bet. We’re also going to attack the Turds, the Herds and the Nerds.

Salmonella – Do you miss Saddam Hussein?

Moola – You bet! We always missed him, even when he was alive.

Salmonella – You missed Saddam Hussein while he was alive?

Moola – Yeah, we used to shoot at him but he wouldn’t stay still, and we missed him.

Salmonella – How do you get so many guys to volunteer for suicide bombers?

Moola – Easy. We force them to watch reruns of Heather Mills dancing on American Idol. They’ll do anything to get out of that.

Salmonella – How come you don’t like Sh’iite Muslims? />

Moola – When they eat the food falls in their beards, and they smell like souvlaki.

Salmonella – What do you eat in Al-Queda?

Moola – Duck!

Salmonella – You eat duck?

Moola – No, I’m telling you to duck. The Americans are shooting at us.

Salmonella – Thanks for the tip.

Moola – Forget it. Actually, we’re teaching our boys how to make pizza.

Salmonella – Why would you do that?

Moola – So we can deliver the pizza onto the army base and kill soldiers. We slice up sticks of dynamite and use it for pepperoni, then we use our cell phones to detonate it.

Salmonella – You guys are really sneaky.

Moola – Thanks.

Salmonella – Have you ever considered negotiating with the Americans?

Moola – Yeah, we told them that if they give us some virgins, then we won’t have to blow ourselves up to go to heaven?

Salmonella – And what did the Americans say?

Moola – They offered us Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears. Fuggedaboudit!

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Posted on 5/20/2007 ( Permanent Link )
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