Reverend McGreevey

Former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey was recently ordained as an Episcopal minister. Just what the world needs! His mission, to spread the gospel of brotherly love as he understands it.

“Reverend McGreevey, I am beset by doubts about my sexuality. Sometimes I find myself attracted to women.”

“That’s a common error. Look at me – I was married twice! The woman distracts men from their true mission in life, communing with other men’s backsides.

“That is why, when I was governor, I instituted an engineering project to eliminate barriers between men, particularly in public toilets along the Garden State Parkway. Remember, as Shakespeare once wrote: ‘A butt is a terrible thing to waste.’”

“What play was that in, Reverend?”

“Two Gentlemen of Forty-Second Street. Shakespeare was gay, you know.”

“You don’t say!”

“Yes. His greatest play was originally called Romeo and Homeo, but they changed the name.”

“Reverend, I heard that New Jersey put up a statue of you in honor of your being governor.”

“Yes, and a formidable erection it was too! But they had to take it down.”

“Why is that?”

“Pigeons kept roosting in its butt.”

“Now that you’re an ordained minister do you still intend to live with your boyfriend?”

“Of course I do. Otherwise, how could I continue to receive the sacrament?”

“That’s a delicate way of putting it.”

“In fact, we’re in the process of redecorating our house.”

“Where do you shop for furniture?”

“Homo Depot.”

“I’ve heard you’re quite a sports enthusiast. What’s your favorite sporting activity?”

“Well, we really like skiing. We use skis that have two sets of bindings on them.”

“That must save on lift tickets. Now that marriage between men is legal in New Jersey, have you considered marrying your domestic partner?”

“Indeed! In fact, we’re planning on having a baby.”

“You’re going to adopt?”

“Not at all. With the new advances in technology, it’s possible for a man to have a baby from his butt.”

“You don’t say!”

“Yes, indeed! But you have to wash the little beggar off with a pressure hose to get off all the brown stuff.”

“Do you have any advice for New Jersey’s new governor, Jon Corzine?”

“Well, he’s been having a lot of car problems lately, so I’d like to recommend him my mechanic.”

“Who’s that?”

“Joey Buttafuoco.”

“Is he a good mechanic?”

“I don’t know anything about mechanics, but anybody with a name that sounds like Butt-Fuck is allright with me!”

“Are there any other gay people in your family?

“Oh yes. My father, my uncles and my brothers are all gay.”

“Isn’t there anybody in your family who likes women?”

“Just my mother and my sisters.”

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Posted on 5/5/2007 ( Permanent Link )
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