200motels LIVE COMEDY ACT AT COMIC STRIP

Hi folks!

Gladys told me “I can’t stand to hear you talk. Why don’t you put something in your mouth?”

So I got this! [pulls out harmonica and plays a few bars]

I took my girlfriend to see the Yankees. I kissed her on the strikes and she kissed me on the balls.

I ate some of that contaminated dog food and now I’m sick.

I asked this hip-hop guy why he was wearing a condom on his head and he told me “ ‘Cause I’m a dick!”

Where’s that Chinese guy? Lissen, man, I took one of those Chinese buses to Philadelphia. It was cheap, but it took a really long time to get there ‘cause they kept stopping to pick up roadkill.

Did you ever notice that when you go to Chinatown you never see any dogs or cats on the street?

Where’s that Spanish guy? Lissen, man, can I practice my Spanish? ‘Cause I wanna learn Spanish too! Yeah? ¡Oyé! ¡Mira! ¿Tú sabes por qué las mujeres me llaman “Hombre de Nieve?” ¡Por qué yo tengo el cuevo de helado con dos cojones de hielo! That means women call me “Snowman” because I got an ice cream dick and two ice cubes for balls.

Now I’d like to sing you a traditional Spanish song that is popular in the public toilet in Union City, New Jersey, right behind the Celia Cruz memorial by the expressway. It’s called “Maricón de Mi Corazon Tu Comida Está en mi Calezon” which means “Gay Guy of My Dreams, Your Dinner is in My Pants.”

[plays the harmonica and sings]
Coño carajo diablo pendejo maricó-óóón
Coño carajo diablo pendejo maricó-óóón
O maricón tu tienes el culo que deseo
No importa que tu estas tan feo!
[speaks] Gay guy you got the butt I desire. It doesn’t matter that you so ugly.
Yo necesito un maricón fidel en mi vida
Que no roba mi dinero y me deja con un Sidaaaaa />[speaks] I want a faithful gay guy who won’t steal my money and give me AIDS.

The whole world’s going gay, and I don’t want to get left behind. That’s why I’m starting a gay book club. [to a guy in the audience] You want to buy some books?

These are the titles I got so far:
Leave No Behind Behind
Heather Has 5 Daddys
Romeo and Homeo
Butt-a-Roni The San Francisco Treat
Adventures in Proctology
Modern Sheep Husbandry
and
Cooking With Fruits and Nuts
I should rake in millions with this cool shit!

In Jersey they don’t have Home Depot. They got Homo Depot.

They put up a statue of Governor McGreevy, but they had to take it down because pigeons were roosting in its butt.

I wanna’ do a gay remake of “Incredible Voyage” where they shrink the submarine down to the size of a dick and shove it up the guy’s ass, and it gets attacked by the Giant Hemorrhoid.

They offered Condoleeza Rice a job after she gets through being Secretary of State. They want to put her on top of the new Freedom Tower for a scarecrow, to scare terrorists.

The reason the Republicans are against abortion is that they need more kids to molest.

Well, that’s all my time, folks. Thankyouverymuch!

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Posted on 4/8/2007 ( Permanent Link )
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