THE OLD BATTLE AXE

My position has always been that George W. Bush is a freakin’ moron and not to be taken seriously except as a threat to the well being and prosperity of the country. His supporters are a bunch of psychotic half-wits who should all check themselves into Bellevue for a pre-frontal lobotomy procedure. While they are there, they can drop in at the editorial offices of The New York Post, which operates out of Bellevue’s psycho ward, and give them my regards.

Dick Cheney is Elmer Fudd with a shotgun. Somebody should do the world a favor and short-circuit his pacemaker.

Condoleeza Rice, the classic articulate black conservative intellectual, is a store mannequin displayed in the window of Bush’s Department Store as a symbol of a Republican diversity that exists only in the imagination of a deranged country club advertising executive. I’m going to say something right now that you’ve probably never heard spoken in real life, but that you know in your heart to be true, that so-called black conservatives have shoe-horned themselves into a position that they know to be at variance with the truth and with the historical black experience in this country because they have found the field to be too crowded on the left wing of the political spectrum, and they know that there is plenty of money being spread around by rich Republicans to bow-tie marionettes willing to parrot a line that the white benefactors themselves don’t even believe, in the hope of keeping tax rates low for the country’s income elite.

That is the long and the short of it, the eradication of the European concept of graduated income tax rates to pay for social services, and the Republicans are prepared to pay plenty to anybody willing to advance that sophistry, particularly if they offer a hope of cracking the monolithic black adherence to the principles of the Democratic Party.

Fortunately, most black people are electorally too sophisticated to vote against their own interests. The Democratic Party may be hamburger, but any black person deluded enough to embrace Republican “principles,” such as they are, is eating dog food.

Anyway, Condoleeza Rice need not fear for her financial future. She may have made a botched-up job at the Department of State, where prospective candidates to fill empty posts are running away in droves, but word has it that after 2008, she has been offered a position to serve as a scarecrow on the roof of the new Freedom Tower, to scare any potential terrorists.

Though the Republicans may have been driven from the corridors of power, like the money-changers driven from the temple, hope springs eternal within their black hearts, their motivation sharpened to a razor’s edge by their visceral fear of The Mother of All Old Battle Axes, Hillary Clinton.

Imperturbable as the sphinx of Egypt and more terrible to Republicans than Osama Bin Ladin, Hillary Clinton represents to them an unmitigated apocalypse of revolutionary dimensions – a left-wing Margaret Thatcher who can co-opt the Republican monopoly on preachy moralizing; an unreconstituted sixties radical with an agenda of social justice the first item of which is a European-style national medical plan, probably followed up not far behind by dental insurance for children (where, the Republicans ask, is the money supposed to come from, as if they didn’t know – from them).

Oh, this day has been a long time coming! The Republicans had Hillary Clinton’s number long before the rest of us, and that is why they unceasingly castigated her with the same lacerating vitriol they usually reserve for the actual office holder.

Back in the old days the Republicans had a big hard-on for Eleanor Roosevelt as a social do-gooder, but that was nothing compared to the subpoenas and congressional investigations aimed at Hillary Clinton, whom they rightly perceive as more than just a do-gooder, but as a diabolical maniac set on demolishing them.

Because, make no mistake, the same way the country embraced the Democratic Party for a generation over its happiness with Social Security and the New Deal, if Hillary Clinton’s medical plan becomes established, the Republicans won’t get back in until 2050, if at all ever again, so happy will the people be, like the French and the Scandinavians, to live in good health without being forced to scheme like Russian gangsters over their health insurance, or to be stuck in low-paying jobs that they hate because the shit job happens to offer health benefits, or having to sell their home and go into bankruptcy because a family member goes sick. This is the kind of tragedy we live on a daily basis, that is unknown in Europe, that Hillary Clinton is dedicated to removing, a collar and chain around our neck with the iron ball being the Republican Party.

The Republicans are so terrified that Clinton might replicate her great electoral successes in New York on a national level against their goofball field of Giuliani (think he’ll wear his dress?) and John McCain, whose war record will never stand up under the same kind of scrutiny that John Kerry’s was subjected to by the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, that they are grasping at any straws to slow down her momentum. This is where Barack Obama comes into the picture, having been praised to the heavens by the reactionary press and probably inflated with Republican money. But any illusions they had about Obama going after Hillary Clinton are dissipating like a morning mist as he trains his guns on Bush, Bush ally Australian Prime Minister John Howard and the Iraq war, which Obama unequivocally declares to be wasting lives.

Bush’s approval ratings are down to about twenty-five percent, but that 25% represents about 90% of the wealth of the country, including all the newspapers and the media owners and executives, who are not afraid to throw words around like “traitors” and “cowards” when referring to the rest of us who are sick of the way the county’s resources are being drained into the pockets of the oligarchy, like the $12 billion in cash, 500 pallets of $100 bills, that evaporated like steam after they were off-loaded from C-130 transport planes in Iraq at the beginning of the Iraq war. How many billions of that cash went directly into the pockets of well-connected “consultants” like Halliburton and Custer Battle, I’d like to ask at the risk of being labeled a traitor and coward.

$12 billion in cash can buy a lot of uncritical press coverage, and it would not shock me in the least to discover that those sympathetic journalists embedded with the armed forces during the initial invasion of Iraq had their assignment sweetened by a nice, fat envelope of freshly minted $100 bills “for expenses.”

The Democrats, scared to death at the prospect of being labeled by the reactionary press and the public at large as being argumentative, long ago ceded the rhetorical low road to the Republicans. Their strategy has long been to ignore hysterical Republican insults and threats, preferring to give them enough rope to hang themselves in the eyes of the electorate. This strategy may have been effective in returning the Democrats to power, and who am I to argue with success, but all these years of absorbing insults from a corrupt gang of bottom feeders have left me with a certain desire for payback. The Democrats, not desiring to sink to the low level of Republican vindictiveness, could nevertheless appoint a couple of designated hitters to get up front and tell them to SHUT THE FUCK UP! and GET BACK IN THEIR HOLES! That would be a beautiful thing.

The Republicans in congress and the reactionary media, in their ceaseless quest to stifle debate on the Iraq war, have been quick to pounce on anybody who tries to discuss the situation of the personnel stationed there. John Kerry tried to bring up an important point during the election, though he expressed it in a maladroit fashion. I think what he was trying to say before they hysterically screamed him down was that a lot of disadvantaged young people who joined the military to get a leg up in life were being fed into a meat grinder by unfeeling, uncaring leadership. The Republicans certainly shut down that discussion fast enough, twisting his words around to constitute an insult.

Barack Obama then had the audacity to observe that lives were being senselessly wasted, and again they twisted his words around to suit their own purposes. According to Republican logic, we are a country at war and any criticism of the prosecution of that war or the commander in chief is disloyal and defeatist. Only a moron could categorize this failed neo-colonialist occupation of an oil-rich third world country as a war, and only a flatline brain-dead imbecile could take George Bush seriously as anything but a failed attempt to impose a vampiric, kleptocratic oligarchy dedicated to draining the last bit of fluid from our hard-working, well-deserving citizenry.

That’s why we desperately need a champion, not an idiotically smiling flashy-teeth short pants light-weight Pollyanna, to lead us into battle against the ever-metastasizing forces of Republican darkness. We need a thick-skinned Old Battle Axe who, with her consort, the knock-kneed, saxophone-wailing randy lothario of a Rasputin, lives only to smash down Republicans with a mallet every time they rear their ugly heads, like an old-time Looney Tunes cartoon.

The Clintons’ record of beating up Republicans back in the 1990s was 100%, and America needs them to bring their talent to bear now, to save the Republic, to end the wasteful, useless adventure in Iraq, to buttress our currency, which is perilously close to collapsing from neglect and fiscal sabotage and to restore our right to prosperity and domestic tranquility. Amen to that!

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Posted on 2/18/2007 ( Permanent Link )
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