HO HO HO, MUTHAFUCKA!

I want to take the opportunity to wish my readers a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy and Prosperous New Year.

Je voudrais souhaiter a tous mes lecteurs en France et partout dans le monde francophone, qui j’éstime particulièrement, un Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année.

I had a rough year. I got my arm broken in a bus accident in April and I had to undergo an operation to connect the bone. I spent a good part of the year with my arm in a cast, and when the cast finally came off, I couldn’t even do one push-up. So I am still dragging my ass back to where I used to be.

In addition, I’m working at a job I hate and my girlfriend, Magpie, is taking all my money. Most of the time when I come home exhausted and demoralized from my dorky job in a law firm, she is dead drunk, and she can’t understand why I don’t want to party.

In addition, I have got to spend Christmas with her family. Now, even though the Jews can’t stand me because I remind them too much of a gentile, that doesn’t even begin to compare with how much the gentiles hate me for being a Jew, and Magpie’s family is an exquisite little piece of hell for me. She had a brother who used to get dead drunk and scream “Fuck the Jews!” like Mel Gibson, but, thankfully, he died. What’s left is a bunch of reformed alcoholics who are all in AA, and when I get loaded and try to amuse myself, they look at me like I am a fucking cockroach.

I tried to get out of going to this fantastic Christmas, but Magpie threw a fit with crying and screaming. They don’t want me and I don’t want them, but I’m going anyway, God Help Me!

Anyway, this is the point: the world should be getting smarter with all the information technology and computers, iPods, what-have-you, but it’s getting stupider, if that’s possible. Mutherfuckers today are so fucking stupid, they don’t know how much a whole bunch of nines are.

So rather than fight the trend, I’ve made it my mission to help the world along toward its goal of mental flat-line incoherence, and I’m doing my part.

Last night at The Comic Strip, among other things, I fucked Mel Gibson in the ass, pulled a rubber spider out of my pants and shot whipped cream up my nose. If that isn’t stupid, I don’t know what is!

So when you read these blogs, just remember, I am not trying to improve your mind, I’m trying to destroy it. We used to live in a world of Frank Zappa, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and The Doors. Now we got Donald Trump, Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton. If I can destroy your mind, I will be clearing away all the detritus and garbage and leaving a clean slate for something new, more approaching culture, to take hold.

Remember, in order to be a real moron it takes real talent like The Three Stooges and The Marx Brothers used to have. So in destroying your minds, I am doing you a big favor. Love, 200motels.

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Posted on 12/16/2006 ( Permanent Link )
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