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I never go anywhere without The New York Post. Everything I know I learned in The Post. Here’s a picture of that Jewish Nazi in Brooklyn. He’s the president of the Mel Gibson Fan Club.
This picture inspired me to invent the Mel Gibson Inflatable Sex Doll, where you pull the string and it yells, “Fuck me, rabbi, fuck me!”
The Post always prints fantastic photos of Paris Hilton. They’re using her as the model for a Beverly Hills version of the Statue of Liberty. Instead of a torch, she’s holding up a dick. The base doesn’t read “Send me your huddled masses,” it’s going to read, “Give me your billionaire asses.”
I was riding the subway next to this real cute blonde. I said, “You smell pretty good. What do you have on?”
She said, “I have Chanel No. 5 on.” She said, “You smell pretty good too. What do you have on?”
I said, “I’ve got a hard-on, but I didn’t know you could smell it.”
She said, “I’m into computers.”
I said, “Let’s hook up my hard drive to your modem and I’ll give you a download.”
There’s a lot of freakin’ animals riding the subway. This guy had his legs spread all across the aisle. He was drinking coffee and clipping his nails with a nail clipper. I said, “Hey, one of your fingernails just flew into my pizza!”
The reason the Republicans are against abortion is that they need more kids to molest. Also, when Cheney’s loaded he finds that orphans are easier to shoot at with his shotgun than clay pigeons.
The French are smarter than we are. They invented a birdbath for the pussy. And they need it, with all the dicks that they got going in and out. Did anybody see the new “Marie Antoinette” movie? This is a movie about the French Revolution that never saw a Frenchman.
It’s got Lindsay Lohan playing Marie Antoinette and Jason Timberlake as Louis the Fourteenth. In the movie Louis the Fourteenth starts screaming, “Who sat in my cheese!!?? Marie Antoinette, did you sit in my cheese?”
“No, your majesty.”
“C’mere, bitch!” [mimics pulling up Marie Antoinette’s dress and sticking his finger in her]
[to audience, leering] It’s good to be the king!
[smells finger] Nope, that’s not cheese, that’s fish. It must be Friday.
Everybody ready for The New York Marathon this weekend? My favorite is the Mexican team. They practice as hurdlers, jumping over walls. What’s this? [runs around backward with arms in the air] That’s the French team. Right them is the Arab team with a stick of dynamite jammed up their butt. And right behind them is the American team with a match. The winning team gets free accommodation at the INS Detention Center at Kennedy Airport.
[motions to the back of the room] There’s Dick Cheney with a shotgun, telling me my time is up. Thank you very much!
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Posted on 11/5/2006
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