VIVA ZAPATA!

If you’re looking to go down to Mexico and get lost permanently, there has never been a better time than now.

Because when the Mexican presidential elections blow up in their face like an exploding tamale all bets are off for a continuation of civil society South of the Border Downnnn Mexicoooo Wayyyyyy.

The Mexican election ended in a dead heat, and both candidates are declaring victory. The Mexican electoral commission (which is definitely going to be the subject of a comedy blog on this site) seems poised to throw the election over to the conservative candidate based on a result that gives him a lead of less than one percentage point.

The left-wing candidate, who is the former mayor of Mexico City, has taken over the city center and promises to form a provisional government right in the middle of the capital and hold massive street demonstrations throughout the country.

Mexico has been simmering in a pre-revolutionary situation for a long time now. In the southern city of Oaxaca an ugly pay dispute involving underpaid schoolteachers and a corrupt governor has erupted in revolt, with the left-wingers in open rebellion. They’ve taken over the downtown along with some radio stations, burning tires and broadcasting revolutionary propaganda over the airwaves as the federal police and army troops wait, seething, on the outskirts of town. People have already died.

A neighboring state, Chiapas, has been in open revolt for fifteen years. The leader of the revolt, a Mayan Indian named Comandante Marco, has achieved rock star status in Mexico going to negotiations in the capital and supporting social movements, and is at least as big a star in the country as singer Gloria Trevi, who is a legend in her own right.

Comandante Marco never appears without his trademark ski mask, which he wore in the jungle while he was fighting the federales. He’s like one of those lucho libre dudes who never takes his mask off, even in the shower.

Maybe he should run for president. Now, there’s a story for you! Comandante Marco ties the election, and they decide to hold a lucha libre wrestling match in the middle of the Zocaló, with a hundred million Mexicans watching on TV and going bananas. Now, That’s Entertainment!

Unfortunately for people who love Mexico, this is not going to happen. The actual prospect is for huge demonstrations involving millions of people going on until the military decides to restore order, which will in its turn stimulate retaliation. Somewhere in this mess will be the covert hand of various foreign intelligence services, because a lot of countries have an interest in Mexico.

Since the electorate is split evenly down the middle, the fight should continue for a long damn time and touch every region of the country. People who like to vacation in Cancun and in the Mayan Riviera will be shocked to know that the civil municipality that encompasses this area, Solidaridad, is one of the poorest cities in Mexico, with its own sordid history of corruption and violence, and the previous governor of the state is now serving a prison sentence. The place is so uncool that developers have been arrested for stealing sand from public beaches for their seaside condo developments. In a time of national turmoil and revolt it’s unthinkable that Cancun will be spared widespread social instability, and that’s putting it mildly.

Try to imagine! Columns of military and revolutionaries criss-crossing Mexico in trucks and trains, fighting pitched battles. Men lined up and shot by firing squads while just a few meters away victorious fighters drink tequila and feel up the women as a cheesy mariachi band belts out its ten thousandth rendition of “Volver,” bandits going nuts and firing their kalashnikovs into the air.

Fuck the computers and the banks! Blow them away! The future is staring us in the face, and guess what it is: Pancho Villa and the Mexican Revolution all over again! Only this aint’t no freakin’ Sergio Leone spaghetti western. This the real thing, dude!

The left-wing presidential candidate, Obrador, has said as much. “Real change in Mexico has never come about as a result of elections.”

That’s about as frank a declaration as you’re likely to hear about his intentions. Maybe he learned some lessons from Al Gore here in the States. When the Republicans stole the Florida elections with riots and corrupt judges, Gore, instead of pitching a tent in the National Mall and calling millions of outraged Americans into the streets, which he had the power to do, went off and grew a beard. If he had been a real American male he might have changed the course of human history, but instead he caved in. It doesn’t matter how many movies Al Gore makes. The Republicans cut off his balls and ruined him, and we all pay the price.

So if things are too hot for you up here, get your butt down to Mexico, where they are even hotter. The great mystery writer B. Traven decided to do that, and he was never heard from again. I’d like to believe he died with a bottle of tequila in one hand and a compliant señorita in the other on a sun-drenched beach in Baja California. But the nature of his art took him to darker places.

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Posted on 9/2/2006 ( Permanent Link )
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