A HISTORY OF THE GREEKS

At an impromptu press conference held outside the Athens premiere of the gay cowboy movie “Brokebutt Mountain,” Greece’s Prime Minister Buttmanlis congratulated the film’s producers for “the courage to present a posterior interpretation of masculine friendship.

”This film is perfectly timed to fall in with our national billboard campaign, which warns ‘A butt is a terrible thing to waste.’”

The Prime Minister turned to address other matters of public morality: “Many times in Greek mythology, the gods have descended in the form of animals such as bulls and swans to consummate relations with human women. Less well known are their occasional forays to earth in the form of ducks, frogs and even the occasional orangutan. Heck, I knew this old girl who kept an anteater and an armadillo, which are known for their long tongues.

“As no less an authority than Greece’s greatest warrior, Alexander the Great, once observed, ‘If the sheep are other wise occupied, a man’s backside is almost as good.’

“Anywhere in the world you find Greeks. But we are a very family-oriented. A Greek hates to leave his brothers behind. That’s how we were reared. It’s almost as though you need a crowbar to separate us.

“And the women, as the great Greek poetess Sappho once wrote”

If it smells like fish I eat it
Roast beef don’t defeat it
A hot dog just don’t beat it

“Don’t get me wrong, we have great meat in Greece. You can’t beat our meat.

“But we are a nation of fish eaters.

“The reason Greeks sail the seven seas is for booty. Greeks love booty. Sometimes Greek sailors would board a ship in search of booty, and they would find a woman hiding a box, and they would go into her box to get the booty.

“The Greeks had an army of Trojans, which their women forced them to wear after they were up in the mountains for weeks with the sheep.

/>“Sometimes they had to butt heads with the rams to get to the sheep, which is how the word ‘butt’ came into existence. ‘I think I’ll go get some butt,’ the Greek men would say.

“One time this Greek man came back to his hut and told his friend, ‘I just had the greatest sex of my life.’

“The other guy asked, ‘Where did you find a woman around here?’

“The first guy said, ‘What’s a woman?’

“The Trojans beat the Athenians because they had longer lances. The Athenians fought back by using a catapult to shoot flaming balls, but eventually the Trojans designed larger catapults, and they conquered the Athenians because they had bigger balls and longer lances.”

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Posted on 7/28/2006 ( Permanent Link )
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