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When SuperJew and Mitzvah Man arrived at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, they found Fifth Avenue blocked off with police cruisers, their lights flashing, and the museum ringed by a cordon of police in riot gear.
A burly sargeant blocked their entry at the door. “You can go in, SuperJew, but not this guy,” he said, gesturing at SuperJew’s unfamiliar new partner.
Mayor Bloomberg emerged from the entrance at that moment. “It’s all right,” he said to the cop, who stepped aside and saluted smartly.
SuperJew said, “Mayor Bloomberg, I’d like to present my new associate, Mitzvah Man.”
Mayor Bloomberg said, “Any friend of SuperJew is a friend of the Jewish people. However, we’ll have to postpone the introductions. We’ve got a major crisis on our hands!” The mayor led the two superheros to the Ethiopian exhibit. “Sometime during the night a thief broke into the museum while the guard was on his break and stole the Falasha Bagel.”
“How is that possible?” exclaimed SuperJew. “The Falasha Bagel weighs ten tons of solid gold. A thief would need to use a wrecking ball to punch a hole in the wall and a construction crane to steal such a massive sculpture.”
“Maybe it was an inside job,” suggested Mitzvah Man.
“Mayor Bloomberg continued, “And just to add insult to injury, “Look at this piece of junk the thief left in its place!”
On the Doric marble column where the Falasha Bagel once took the place of honor now rested a crudely constructed papier-mache parody of the famous objet d’art.
The mayor reached into his pocket and withdrew a piece of paper. “This note was pinned to it. It’s addressed to you, SuperJew. He handed him the note.
SuperJew read the note out loud:
SuperJew, the joke’s on you
But in the end the world will see
The joke’s on all humanity
SuperJew put the note in his pocked, saying, “I’ll have this note analyzed and it’ll provide me with the clues I need. This crime, rather than being a simple crime of greed, seems to be the work of a deranged individual.”
Mayor Bloomberg said, “Whatever the case, you must retrieve the Falasha bagel in time for The World Bagel Festival, which starts next week. All of the world’s great bagel tasters will be here for The Bagel Olympics, and we need the Falasha Bagel for the opening ceremony.”
“We’ll certainly do our best, Mayor Bloomberg.”
“That’s not good enough, SuperJew. In a time of trouble and turmoil, when country is pitted against country and race is pitted against race, humanity needs a unifying symbol more than ever. Thy the ancient Ethopian Jews, who are the inheritors of King Solomon’s wisdom, chose the circular shape of the bagel to bake their bread, to represent the universality and interconnectedness of the human race.”
The two superheros watched, transfixed, as the mayor, normally a serene man, spread his arms and spoke passionately, like an evangelist exhorting his flock. “Why do you think the bagel, unlike any other form of bread, is first boiled before it is baked? To unify the four classical elements of the natural world – water, fire, air and earth.
“But there is a fifth element that is represented by the hole in the middle, and that fifth element is love, and the universal brotherhood of all mankind!
“So go forth, SuperJew and Mitzvah Man, and retrieve me the magical Golden Bagel of Ethiopia.
“And don’t forget the cream cheese.”
And inspired by the mayor’s words of wisdom, the two Jewish superheros lifted up out of the gallery and into the sky!
SuperJew and Mitzvah Man on the attack!
[TO BE CONTINUED]
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Posted on 7/3/2006
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