HORSEY STEPS

Now that Barbaro’s racing career is at an end, it’s time to plan for the rest of his little horsey career.

Since he’s still too young to collect Social Security he has to start thinking about getting a real job. Ordinarily, a retired sports hero can count on a job in sports management, but since Barbaro has got all those pins and plates in his leg, it’s doubtful he’d be able to get through the airport metal detector in time to catch his plane.

The times when a horse could go to Hollywood and be a big movie star are over too since the public taste has moved away from cowboy movies. Barbaro was offered a role in the planned sequel to Brokeback Mountain, but turned it down after he was told he’d have to take part in a love scene with Jake and Glen.

Fortunately, Barbaro has one employment option that’s a guaranteed moneymaker, and it’s something he’s perfectly suited for – impregnating female horses for money. As a Kentucky Derby winner, he could name his own price and still have a line of interested female companions stretching from here to Churchill Downs. One equestrian analyst put it this way: “Barbaro has potentially got a fortune of seventy-five million bucks worth of jism in his little horsey cojones.”

The only thing that stands between him and all that moolah, not to mention his adoring female admirers, is a delivery system. Since his rear leg, which he needs to climb up on all that horsey female butt, is all torn up, Barbaro needs help getting into position for inserting his easy insert applicator into the awaiting port of entry.

That is why the engineers at horseconnect.com have designed this easy-to-use entry vehicle for Barbaro’s procreational pleasure. It’s called “HORSEY STEPS” and it’s based on the principle that even a horse is entitled to his “Stairway to Heaven.” “HORSEY STEPS,” which is based on scientific principles perfected by the ancient Egyptian architects who constructed the pyramids, is easy to use.

The little staircase is placed behind the mare’s backside and Barbaro simply has to walk up with his front legs until he is in position to insert his tiger in her tank. Then his Guided Muscle is eased into its final destination by our skilled team of undocumented workers, José and Pedro.

That’s not all! “HORSEY STEPS” can also be used by human beings. If you have a girlfriend who’s too tall for you, and you have trouble getting up there to fulfill your masculine potentialities, “HORSEY STEPS” is what you need to have the honeymoon you deserve. Don’t delay! Call now and you’ll receive, absolutely free of charge, a free tank of oxygen to keep you from passing out in the thin atmosphere up there.

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Posted on 5/28/2006 ( Permanent Link )
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