A Kiss is Still A Kiss

Here is the latest lesson of Republican logic: a leak is not a leak if the president does it because, by definition, the president is the defining authority of what is classified information and what is not classified.

What if the president is a freakin' moron and leader of a whole gang of morons? Does that make him the ultimate authority on morons, and lets him decide the present definition of what constitutes a moron? "I'm lowering the bar on who is a moron. From now on I'm a genius." To give the reader some background on this kind of thinking, in the early days of the Iraq war an administration official told a reporter, "We're an empire. We decide what is reality."

So by definition, reality is whatever these knuckleheads tell us it is. We're living in a world halfway between "1984," with its Ministry of Truth bureaucracy, aided by a corrupt, brain-dead press establishment, feeding us a daily dose of lies, and "Brave New World," where everybody is so zonked out on mood altering substances like Prozac that they don't care anymore.

Let's examine what constitutes a war hero: former Senator Bob Kerrey got the Medal of Honor for Vietnam, but there's all kinds of sneaky stories circulating about how he and his unit got stuck out in a rice paddy one night and massacred a group of innocent villagers for fear the villagers would give away their position to the Viet Cong. Nobody mentions that anymore.

John Kerry was widely recognized as a war hero until the Fast Boat Veterans for Truth altered the reality of that. Now he's not a hero anymore. John McCain is also widely regarded as a war hero, but there's a problem with that one as well. The way I'm given to understand it, his superiors repeatedly instructed McCain to stop doing "Top Gun" tricks with his jet fighter, but since McCain's father was commander of the Navy's Sixth Fleet, he was a spoiled brat and he ignored them, so he eventually got shot down. His Vietnamese captors, knowing full well who his father was, repeatedly tried to get rid of this hot potato, but he refused to leave captivity. What kind of nut job is that?!! He evidently was figuring on building a political career on being a POW.

This story of political calculation and manipulation will probably never see the light of day.

So, what is a war hero? It's somebody who survives and goes into politics.

And let's not forget that other Top Gun, our Commander-in-Chief, Mr. Mission Accomplished. Either he served out the Vietnam War in the Texas Air National Guard, a summer camp for rich draft dodgers, or he was a flat-out draft dodger who didn't even bother to show up for duty. It's dangerous to bring up Bush's war record, ask Dan Rather.

But, hey! "Reality is whatever we say it is." So a draft dodger is not a draft dodger, a hero is not a hero and a leak is not a leak!

What about a blow job? If the president gets a blow job from a fat cow in the Oval Office, is that a blow job? Hell no! It's national security. He was probing her tonsils for listening devices!

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Posted on 4/13/2006 ( Permanent Link )
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