THE BLEAT GOES ON

I live in New York, not freakin’ Open Crotch, Arkansas. If you want to put something over on me, you better do some smooth talking. It’s totally unbearable to switch on the tube and see Bush pushing the lamest possible line in that Dogpatch hillbilly style of his.

Even the biggest idiot in New York City is like Einstein compared to the Texas population, Bush’s target audience. I have met Texans, and they are the worst imaginable knuckleheads. Bush reminds me of my last boss, who was so used to dealing with idiots and pineapple heads that he thought he was leading a charmed life. I put up with it for a while until I got tired of his smirking, self-satisfied egotism, and then I told him flat out – “You’re a fucking moron!” I went out and immediately started working for $200 a week more than he was paying me (which begs the question, who was the bigger idiot, him? or me, who was working for him for chump change?).

I was against the Iraq war from day one, not because I have anything against ripping off their oil – I’m too much of a New Yorker to be shocked by wholesale stealing and thievery, but because I have personal experience with middle-eastern people, who are uncontrollable. On an individual basis they can be totally charming, but as a group they are beyond any kind of regulatory authority. The only way to control them is to do what Saddam Hussein did, which is to keep them in line with a constant reign of terror.

Do we really want to behave like that? Better to let them do it to each other and then negotiate oil leases with the winner.

Does that make me a defeatist? I don’t go out and play in traffic during rush hour on the Van Wyck Expressway, does that make me a defeatist?

Bush is insisting that the news organizations send reporters to cover the “positive news” in Iraq, so lame, conformist twits that they are, the news executives send out reporters and news anchors into that charnel house to send back feel-good items. I saw this one old man on TV who looked like your grandpa, except he had a hook where his hand used to be. Somebody had pitched a grenade into the humvee that he was riding in. He managed to throw it back out, but it took his hand with it.

The ABC news anchor, Bob Woodruff, went out to get happy news for the folks back in Hicksville, and the only happy news he got was a concussion.

That’s not the worst of it. Back in 1982, Saddam Hussein, believing that Ayatollah Khomeini was a pushover, attacked Iran, vowing to march into Teheran in two months. The Iranians mobilized hundreds of thousands of soldiers and held Saddam to a standstill over six years of trench warfare. This little gem of history has apparently escaped our illustrious leader and his legions of bobblehead neo-conservative theorists. It’s not outrageous to think of our army in Iraq as potential hostages in the nuclear stand-off with Iran. If the Iranians decide to send wave after wave of suicide battalions into Iraq, where we barely have enough soldiers to defend themselves, what are we going to do, dig trenches and fight them hand-to-hand in the mud, and the whole time the Iraqis are attacking our rear flank with IEDs and dead dogs stuffed with plastic explosives?

One time, during the eighteenth century, the British Empire sent an expedition led by General Gordon into the Sudan to take out a Muslim fanatic called “The Mahdi.” That army was surrounded and decimated, and Gordon's head delivered to Mahdi. We better watch out that we don’t get stuck in a similar glue trap.

There’s an old saying, “Be nice to the people you meet on your way up, because you’re going to meet the same people on your way down.” Bush had a few good years (I wish I could say the same for us), during which time he treated our friends and allies like shit. Now all his harebrained schemes are unraveling and we have no friends. Who’s going to go to bat for us if we find ourselves in a mess?

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Posted on 2/2/2006 ( Permanent Link )
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