PARIS HILTON’S VAGINA

Since Paris Hilton’s sex video is freely available on the internet, I don’t believe it would be out of bounds to discuss her vagina.


Aaaaah, Paris Hilton’s vagina! A steaming, succulent, gooey, drippy, runny, ever-widening kind of a hole, all perfumed and manicured like a perfectly groomed Beverly Hills lawn!


How do I love thee? Let me cunt the ways.


This is a slit that any man would be willing to die for. The Defense Department should print a poster of it to remind our soldiers why they are fighting. That would motivate them more than any freakin’ picture of Bush holding a plastic turkey.


O well of desire
Let me burn inside your fire!


So what if she can’t dance, sing, or act. We got enough freakin’ singers anyway! So what if she is only good for sinking her soft, perfectly rounded butt into Oprah’s sofa for another pointless interview. It’s enough for me to want to be reincarnated into a sofa!


I would like to cast her for a science-fiction movie about an Albuquerque cocktail waitress abducted by space aliens at Rosewell, NM, for an anatomical study of human females. Naturally, I would play the alien.


In my movie, she would be strapped to a metal examining table and her butt would be probed for secrets in the service of an interstellar scientific survey.


Then she would be attached to an orgasm machine like Jane Fonda in “Barbarella,” to measure the emotional depth of the human female orgasm.


I would make her the model for a blow-up rubber sex doll, with a string you could pull, and it would cry out, “Oh Daddy give it to me harder!”


A girl like Paris Hilton only comes along once in a lifetime. I would commission a thirty foot-high marble statue of her naked body for the entrance to a Las Vegas Roman gambling casino, or a five hundred foot West Coast Statue of Liberty welcoming people to Beverly Hills. Instead of “Send me your huddled masses” it would say “Give me your billionaire asses.”


If Arnold Schwartznegger can be governor, I say let’s make Paris Hilton president. She can't be any stupider than freakin' Bush! Who cares about old broken-down Hillary Clinton with her secretary spread.


I have always believed that we need to rethink our society, and Arnold Schwartznegger and Paris Hilton would be fantastic symbols for America’s New Age.
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Posted on 12/31/2005 ( Permanent Link )
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