How Much Is That Doggy In The Window? (five million bucks)

                                                                      "I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMillkbone"

I ran down to Madison Square Garden to buy a Knicks ticket so I could see their new sensation, Jeremy Lin. The game was all sold out, so I bought a ticket from a scalper, but the guy had pulled a switch on me, and when I looked at the ticket it was for the dog show. Bow-wow!

Who let the dogs out! The place was full of thousands of dogs: Belgian breeds, Australian dogs, Pomeranians, you name it. Dogs from every country in the world except China, because they ate them.

What I saw was sleek, aerodynamic dogs being led around by not-so-aerodynamic people. The humans, who have to run the dogs around the place, were so ungainly and uncoordinated that I was waiting for one of them to trip over his own leash, like at the dog run in Carl Schurz Park. Considering all the resources they pour into their animals, I was wondering why they don’t spend a few more bucks to hire more athletic people to run the dogs around the arena. After all, racehorse owners don’t ride their own horses. But that’s disingenuous. These dog owners are frustrated performers themselves, so they put the dogs up front and it gives them the opportunity to shine in the limelight without having to learn any tricks themselves.

These animals are not your garden variety pets. They were more like visiting royalty, with French haircuts, makeup and perfume. They were more refined than the people who waited on them hand-and-foot like harem slaves. They had names like Baron Friedrich Wilhelm III, and a family tree that went back farther than the Turkish Empire.

The 136th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is the world superbowl of canine pulchritude. The difference between this exhibition and a Parisian runway show are negligible. The dogs have their own beauty parlor, restaurant and fancy bathroom. But the dogs are under a lot of pressure, which is why there is a doggy psychiatrist on call. Naomi Campbell might smack you with a cell phone, but if these little beauties get upset, they might decide to rip out a piece from your butt.

Tags:   westminster kennel club dog show

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Posted on 2/19/2012 ( Permanent Link )
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