Pavlov's Dogs

Any man who lets his woman do his thinking for him is an idiot. Think about it. If you were gay, and you were locked into a relationship with another guy, and the guy insisted on running your whole life, including your business affairs, would you let him?

No way, because the implicit thinking is that his interests might be totally different from yours and he might try to manipulate you to suit his own purposes.

But with women it’s different. How many guys end up letting themselves be conditioned to obey like trained seals in the belief that she knows best, and meantime she’s following a logical trajectory of satisfying her own desires.

I’m not advocating revolution. I’m just writing this because nobody else seems to have given any thought to it. In today’s paper Bernard Madoff got sentenced to 150 years in a maximum security prison while his wife went free with a little nest egg of several million bucks, which she maintains is her “own money”.

Her own money! From where? They started out life together in Queens, New York, broke. She never had a job of her own. It’s her “own money” because she insisted that he squirrel it away for her out of the millions and billions that he chiseled and stole from his suckers, er, clients, at her own insistence!

Look at Madoff. He’s an idiot, a patsy. He looks like a clown face on a kid’s inflatable punching bag. This moron looks like he never had an original thought in his life. Now look at his wife, Ruth. She is pure brass. When you put the two pictures together, it’s totally obvious who was running the show.

If Bernard Madoff was not receiving his running orders from his wife, I will eat my hat. Don’t make me laugh! Now he is taking the fall and she is expressing shame at having been associated for the last fifty years with such a nefarious smooth operator. Oh please!

Everywhere you look in New York, it’s the same story: the women are running the men, who are conditioned from birth to take orders, first from their mothers and then from women who are trained by their mothers to perpetuate the stupid cycle.

I had occasion to sit in on one of these training sessions one morning when I was having breakfast at a Bagel Nosh restaurant on Second Avenue many years ago. At the next table, some old idiot broad was breaking her daughter into The Secret Sorority of Ball-Busting Psycho Females. “All men are children”, she told her daughter. “You find out what they want, you give it to them, and then, when they misbehave, you take it away”.

It sounded like a freakin dog trainer to me. Not that I hadn’t already figured it out long before, but I was gratified to find out that I wasn’t a paranoid psychotic. Anyway, I have always been immune to any kind of Voice of Authority, which is why nobody can freakin stand me. I act in my own interest. If I fall on my face, it’s with the knowledge that I only have myself to blame.

Recently I went to a conditioning class at the New York Sports Club. It’s me and forty women because, since I got my arm broken on a city bus, for which I recently won a judgment against the bus company, I’m only fit to work out with freakin women. When the place gets sweated up it smells like a pot of boiled shrimp.

Anyway, I rushed in and got the most desirable place in the studio, a corner where two walls of mirrors converge, giving the illusion that there are four of me. That way, at least, I have the illusion that there are other men in the room besides me ha-ha.

I dropped my towel and sunglasses there, to mark my place, and went off to get my dumbbells, but when I returned, my stuff had been pushed off to the side and some wiseguy woman had displaced me.

“Hey, that’s my place”, I screamed.

“No it’s not”, she screamed back. “I was here first!”

“Like hell,” I screamed. I pointed to my sunglasses and towel, which she had pushed over to the mirror. “That’s my stuff!”

So this idiot female reverted to her mother’s training. “Be a gentleman!” she commanded. This was pure Pavlovian dog training. “Sit! Stay! Heel!” Most men would skulk away and find a place at the back of the class. And why? Because some dingbat instructed them to. Unfortunately for her, I am no dumb dog. “Oh no”, I said. “No gentleman. Because you’re no lady. We’ll let the trainer decide”.

She walked away, obviously to cop a plea to the trainer. But I know the guy, and he knows me. She came back, smoldering, and moved her stuff out of the way for me.

Sometimes I feel as though I am the last man in New York City, like the last guy in “The Invasion of the Body Snatchers” who finds out at the end that he’s surrounded by pod people. I get the feeling that the reason the economy and society have collapsed is that men, who essentially built everything, have abdicated in favor of the women.

The modern concept of womanhood can be traced back to medieval France, where the artists and minstrels conceived a romanticized version of woman, in the same vein as unicorns and chivalrous knights who slept under the trees in their armor. It was pure Hollywood, but since art and culture leave an indelible impact on real life, this construct gained currency. Later on, under the reign of Louis XIV, women began to be noted for their intellectual abilities, as the wives of rich men began the practice of holding salons, inviting artists and discussing subjects of contemporary culture.

Prior to these French developments, however, women were essentially regarded as beasts of burden and baby machines. And it’s interesting to note that even in France, which is fundamentally the wellspring of female equality, women did not achieve suffrage until 1945.

In this country, well, somehow the notion took that the women were more refined and civilized than the men. Anybody who has watched “Real Housewives of New Jersey” knows what a load of old bullocks that is. And you don’t need a television either. Just go out on the street and engage one of these ladies in a few minutes of conversation, and you get an idea how far society has regressed backwards since the days of the Sun King.

Women’s suffrage in the U.S. was based on the reactionary strategy of counteracting the effects of granting the vote to male immigrants, which they insisted would subsume the rights of “real” Americans. Sound familiar? Later on, the comedy movies of W.C. Fields invariably showed him being hounded and hectored to death by some prim, politically correct old broad with an ax to grind – with his head as the grindstone. It’s no wonder women outlive men by a decade and end up with all the money. That’s how they have got it figured.

As I stated at the beginning of this piece, I am not out to create social upheaval. Plenty of women have got a legitimate beef against men, who are knuckleheads and pineapples. As Chairman Mao so succinctly pointed out, women hold up half the sky. But going forward, if we are to make sense of the ungodly mess we have created, being descended as we are from the apes in the trees and the primal beasts slithering under rocks in the mud, the human race should reflect on the neural impulses that have brought us to our present dead end.

Tags:   None

© All rights reserved.

Posted on 6/30/2009 ( Permanent Link )
Read 67 Times
 Send to Friend