Family Reunion - Michael Jackson and Elvis in Heaven

ELVIS – Son!

MJ – Dad!

ELVIS – I know it didn’t work out between you and my daughter, Lisa Marie, but she was always headstrong like her mother. Never mind, you’ll always be family to me. Ma, look who’s here! It’s Michael Jackson.

MA PRESLEY – Son! Did you have a good trip?

MJ – It was like nothing at all.

MA PRESLEY – Well, you boys just talk while I make lunch. We’ll all get acquainted later.

ELVIS – You must be relieved to get out of life.

MJ – The pressure just got to be too much. Everybody pulling you in a different direction. I could’ve made a comeback. I was set to do fifty sold-out concerts in London. But I’ll tell you, Elvis, I was pushing fifty, which is too old to play Peter Pan.

ELVIS – You did right to check out when you did. Now you’ll sell more albums than ever. There’s such a thing as overstaying your welcome. Look at Madonna!

MJ – But I didn’t mean to die. I just told the doctor, give me something to relax me. Unfortunately, he relaxed me too much.

ELVIS – Anyway, that’s all in the past. Will you be staying with us until you get your own place?

MJ – If you have room for me.

ELVIS – Oh, we have room! I sort of designed this place myself. It’s part Memphis, part Hollywood and part Vegas. Over on the back forty I even put in a Hawaiian surfing beach.

MJ – Real homey.

ELVIS - Yeah, this is America just like I pictured it. No foreign cars or foreign people.

MJ – I know. Like, when I was a child my daddy worked in a steel mill. Today they’re all closed. The world today is all topsy-turvy. You can’t keep up. With all the iPods and file sharing, it’s getting harder and harder to come up with a sound to fill it up.

ELVIS – You’ll like it here. We got a gated community to keep the riff-raff out. Only artists.

MJ – Yeah, I noticed. It’s like a really good part of Encino.

ELVIS – Johnny Carson lives down the road a piece. And just over yonder the President’s got a spread.

MJ – Obama?

ELVIS – No, dummy, Ronald Reagan! He was the governor when I was alive. He only got to be president after I died. But he’s a prince of a man. I tried to get Nixon in here, but the board wouldn’t approve it. Too many Democrats.

MJ – What did God say?

ELVIS – God don’t involve himself in real estate matters. Have you given any thought about how you’ll spend eternity in heaven?

MJ – I thought I’d go back into the studio and work on developing some new material. Then I’ll inhabit the soul of a young artist and communicate my songs to him in his dreams while he’s sleeping.

ELVIS – Well, I hope you have better luck with that than I did. The market don’t care about rock n’ roll anymore. Everything today is one-note techno music these days. It’s like people are in a trance. Sometimes I go down to earth and fly around, just to get a feel for things, and it’s like being on Mars or a different planet. And I haven’t even been dead that long. Styles are changing too fast and going down. Music is probably the worst field for a dead person to make an impact. If you think we have it bad, you should go visit the classical composers like Beethoven or Wagner. They have totally given up trying to write new material. All they do is eat long lunches and go sailing in their boats.

MA PRESLEY – Boys, I made you a nice pitcher of lemonade and some lunch. Michael, I hope you like peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

MJ – It’s my favorite. Here, look. I’ve been developing some new dance steps. This is my new moonwalk.

ELVIS – Pretty cool. Now you can really walk to the moon. Maybe later I’ll call James Brown and invite him over. Then we can all dance up a storm.

MJ – It would be great to see James again. We had some great times together when we were alive.

ELVIS – I used to catch your shows in Vegas when you were still with the Jackson 5. You were probably too young to remember.

MJ - Sure I remember! Are you kidding, Elvis coming to my show? It was bigger than performing for the Queen of England!

ELVIS – Anyway, now we have all of eternity to reminisce about the old times. In the meantime, let me call up some girls and we’ll have a party to welcome you to heaven. Don’t feel bad about dying. You certainly left your mark on the world.

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Posted on 6/28/2009 ( Permanent Link )
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