Is Obama Jewish?

No wonder the banks are steaming. They’re no longer in the driver’s seat. Believe me, if this was a Republican administration the automobile bondholders, some of whom bought their securities at a distressed 10-15%, would have gotten preferred treatment and the auto workers would have sucked wind.

Stress test? Forget it. The New York Federal Reserve Bank is appointed as follows: six directors appointed directly by the investment banks and three appointed by them indirectly. Because of the crisis caused by their avarice and stupidity, the Obama administration has completely emasculated their control, and now the banks obey the administration and not visa versa.

It’s still not enough for me. If I had my way, the Fed would be replaced by a central bank that enforces monetary authority on behalf of the public interest. Basically Obama has usurped control from the moneyed classes and is directing monetary and fiscal policy without deferring to them.

This is a historic event, unequalled since President Andrew Jackson broke the back of The Bank of the United States, and the banks’ meek acquiescence underlines the true extent of their political power, which is largely dependent on the lack of political will of the electorate.

I say, why stop there? As President Roosevelt tried to assert when confronted with a cabal of obstructionist, reactionary Republican judicial appointments, there is no provision in the U.S. Constitution limiting the Supreme Court to nine justices. That august body can be changed by a simple act of Congress. Five reactionary justices holding up social progress? No problem. Simply pass a law changing the number of justices from nine to eleven, thirteen or fifteen, and appoint a new majority.

It’s a whole new world and thankfully we didn’t need to storm the barricades to achieve it – just stand by as the Bush administration did the political equivalent of hara-kiri. Fortunately we had the right man at the right time ready to pick up the pieces, Barack Obama, and it’s a good thing, because Hillary Clinton, who, after a lifetime of compromise and adhering to the art of the possible, would not have had the comprehensive vision or psychological freedom of action to establish a whole new order.

It’s a bloodless revolution, but heads are still getting knocked together. For the first time, nasty-mouth Republican agitators are getting as good as they are giving. They are up against a gang of Chicago politicians that make Bill Clinton look like an altar boy. As Obama pointed out at the White House correspondents’ dinner, “Rahm Emanuel is uncomfortable [using] the word ‘mother’ behind the word ‘day’.” Do you get the drift, or do I gotta draw you a map?

What is disconcerting to the Republicans is the convergence of Chicago left-wing politics, which has historically been of a particularly virulent nature, with Chicago manners, which are derived from Upton Sinclair’s slaughterhouses and the delicate etiquette of Al Capone, who was originally from Brooklyn and remains a dominant trait of Chicago’s DNA. Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter might think they’re smooth, but they’re no match for Chicago’s slick hair stingy-brim hatted Italian-tailored iridescent mohair suited poolroom sharpies, who are basically the inspiration for Obama and his backroom operators. As Illinois’ esteemed former governor, Rod Blagojevich, so delicately put it in many of his phone conversations recorded by the feds before he was undone by his own flesh-eating party in a feeding frenzy, “#¥¢€ ‘em in the ace.”, a sentiment , I might add, with which I completely concur. It’s inspiring that the death of political correctness might come about from the candidate in whom the politically correct crowd invested so much of its essence.

It’s more than slightly fortuitous that a candidate like Barack Obama, who owes nothing to historical precedent, should have made himself available to present his candidacy at the very moment that the capitalist system melted down like a snowball in hell. For this we owe the dubious genius of the Democratic Party, which, in its infinite wisdom, leapfrogged him over the back of Hillary Clinton in the interests of diversity and political correctness, and not because of any visceral compulsion it had to win the election. Never mind, the failed economic policies of the Republican administration achieved this for them, and all’s well that ends well.

What to make of Obama? There is a train of thought (mine) that he is not an earthly presence at all, but the fortuitous implantation by an infinitely wiser extraterrestrial power that decided that an intervention was necessary to save us from being crushed under the weight of our own callous stupidity and material garbage, sort of like “The Day The Earth Stood Still”. Obama kind of resembles Star Trek’s Mr. Spock in his unnatural logic and composure in the face of frantic chaos and hysteria. If you consider for a minute the Star Trek analogy, with a multicultural command center, Joe Biden providing comic relief in the role of Scotty, the irrepressible ship’s engineer, and the Republicans taking on the role of the ghastly Klingons, led by the monstrous and inhuman Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh, determined to reduce the human race to a cinder, you have a very satisfying sci-fi scenario indeed!

But there is another hypothesis, also mine, which is just as bizarre, being that Obama is the first Jewish president. Nobody is going to be happy to contemplate that eventuality, but it is actually quite plausible, considering the historical trans-migration of the Jewish people throughout Africa since time immemorial. The world is already quite comfortable with the concept of the Ethopian Falasha Jews, who were a generation ago airlifted to the Promised Land. Historical records trace the exodus of Jews from the Iberian and Arabian peninsulas to locations as remote as Timbuktu in modern Mali and to Nigeria. The name Zimbabwe derives from a city founded by Yemenite Jewish traders, who long ago explored the Indian Ocean in ships, settling as far away as India’s Kerala state. In recent years the black Jews of South Africa, called Lemba, who celebrate Jewish traditions and even engrave their gravestones with Hebrew inscriptions, have come to prominence. DNA testing has confirmed the veracity of their Jewish identity, being an exact match with that of the Cohen tribe of ancient Jewish priests from the Arabian Peninsula.

If you accept, for example, that the centuries, and even millennia, of Jewish presence of the Iberian peninsula has infused the modern population of Spain and Portugal, (and, by extension, all of Latin America) with at least a residue of Jewish genealogy, then what to make of the tribes and clans of Africa who have interacted with their neighboring Jews over the same period? It sort of makes you wonder what the inherited genealogical and cultural impact might be on modern South African figures like Nelson Mandela and Jacob Zuma.

So if the presence of Jewish ancestry and cultural authenticity is undisputed in territories to the north and to the south of Barack Obama’s ancestral tribal home of Kenya, how could it be possible that that territory would be unaffected by Jewish traders and explorers over the centuries? Not possible.

Nevertheless, when I scoured the Internet for evidence of Jewish exploration or settlement in Kenya, no results came up. What I did find, however, were a couple of web sites run by American Jewish rabbis who have established ministries to provide support to the African Jewish diaspora. I emailed these rabbis, recounting my theory that Barack Obama, because of his extraordinary personal and scholarly qualities, might conceivably be the beneficiary of some aspect of Jewish heritage, no matter how remote. Did they have any proof that Jews had ever inhabited the region of modern Kenya, I inquired.

To which inquiries I received no response whatsoever, not even a polite note saying they didn’t know. Nothing, I got.

Now this may be due to the fact that I referred them to my web site, www.200motels.net, which, with its graphic portrayals of French women performing nasty tricks with mobile phones and headlines like “Jaws Eats Jews”, not to mention a lyric opera of Sen. Larry Craig singing an ode of love to Rep. Barney Frank in the men’s room of the Minneapolis Airport, is not exactly calculated to charm the beard off a man of the cloth. It’s quite likely that they didn’t want to be associated with me in any way, shape or form.

If that’s not enough, my deceased uncle, who shared not a few common characteristics with me, once wrote a book recounting a mythical visit to Africa wherein he ended up being chased around on numerous instances by naked African amazons clad only in leather vests and brandishing whips, not exactly the thing to enchant the earnest africanophile, one might discern. Like uncle like nephew, I suppose. I guess the rotten apple does not drop too far from the tree after all.

On the other hand, maybe, in my delirious fantasies, I have hit on something that some responsible authorities might wish to keep concealed deep from the light of day. What if Barack Obama really is Jewish? That would surely throw a monkey wrench in U.S. foreign policy. Imagine the Arab reaction to discovering President Barack Hussein Obama to be a stealth Jew? Another treacherous CIA plot! Boy, would that blow up the peace process!

I’m betting that Obama has got enough Jewish blood in him to get elected president of Israel. But so has French president Nicholas Sarkozy and the whole Spanish nation. So what? Remember, the poet Alexander Pushkin, who is the most revered writer in Russian literature, was also the descendent of Ossip Petrovich Gannibal, an Ethopian black who was brought to Russia as a slave and rose to become a general in the Russian army. But that’s another story.

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Posted on 5/12/2009 ( Permanent Link )
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