SEX STRIKE USA!

The women of the African republic of Kenya having declared a sex strike to force their men to end political violence, American women soon followed suit. Among their demands:

· More money (naturally)
· Put the toilet seat down
· Tell me you love me
· Be nice to my mother

The men reacted by laying in an emergency supply of inflatable sex dolls. Hospital emergency rooms noticed an upsurge in forearm injuries from increased masturbation. Gay men’s backsides registered an increase in traffic.

President Obama, consigned to sleeping on a sofa in the Oval Office, invoked the Taft-Hartley Act and declared a 90-day cooling off period, which was rejected by female members of Congress. “Our legs will remain crossed until all our demands are met,” announced strike leader Paris Hilton. “We hear you knockin’ but you can’t come in.”

The men gathered to formulate a strategy. “These are the time that try men’s balls!” intoned Vice-President Joe Biden. “Any organ not in constant use tends to atrophy.”

Victoria’s Secret unveiled a line of cast iron chastity belts in designer patterns. Investment guru Warren Buffet, declaring, “We men are the victims of our own sexcess,” recommended an investment in chocolates and flowers. Dick Cheney scolded, “This is a result of the current administration going soft.”

In response, the Health and Human Services Administration performed a stress test on men’s penises. “We recommend a stimulus package,” announced Treasury Secretary Geithner.

As men’s dicks continued to drop, the United Nations met in special session. French president Nicholas Sarkozy ordered the release of intimate photos of his sexy wife, Carla Bruni, engaged in a threesome with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck at Disneyland Paris.

Still, the World Fertility Index continued to fall. Former South African president Nelson Mandela recommended a reconciliation commission for the U.S., saying “Until Americans start screwing again the future of the free world will be at stake.”

A compromise was arranged. American men would be permitted limited access in exchange for the funding of a Superconducting Super Collider to slam into the pussy, leading to more agreeable relations for all.

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Posted on 5/2/2009 ( Permanent Link )
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