G20 Pussy Smackdown

Forget about power politics or the economy at the G20 Summit. The real showdown between France and the U.S. is:

WHO GOT THE BEST PUSSY?

This week on Strasbourg, France, the American champion met the French Ooh-La-La, Carla Bruni for a taste test.
The judges were: for the Americans, former Secretary of State Henry Kissing-ass; for the French, Napoleon Boner-part; representing the non-aligned third world countries, Venezuelan President-for-Life Hugo Chav-ass.

Gentlemen, start your engines!

Kissing-ass – “Ja, vell, I been around de vorlt, but I always been happy to come home to the USA, vere de women’s crotches smell like an Arby’s roast beef sandvich”.

Napoleon – “No! Fish! Dat’s my favorite dish. I prefer the girl’s butt to smell like a ripe camembert cheese dat’s been left outside to ferment in the sun for a coupla’ hours. It’s only good to eat when it starts to ooze fat and it draws flies”.

Hugo Chav-ass – “You’re both wrong. South of the Border, we only like the chocha picante garnished with hot chili peppers and laying in a bed of guacamole”.

200motels – Now, for the first event the contestants will model the national panties of their respective countries. Carla Bruni is wearing a red, white and blue lace thong with a tiny emblem of Pepe le Pew, the Franch skunk from the Loony Toons cartoon series. I must say, it shows off her firm, immaculately tanned butt. Ms. Bruni has chosen to leave on the wax from her bikini wax job.

Kissing-ass – “Ja! Just stick in a Tampax and you could light the string for a candle to see in the dark”.

200motels – Now, here’s the U.S. champ wearing panties from her native Chicago, cut in the style of Dr. Scholls orthepedic bloomers and sewn entirely from Polish sausage casings.

Kissing-ass – “Ach, there’s no place like home. This reminds me of so many nights I have spent in the Windy City, where I would send out for some barbecue beef sandwiches and a pizza, and then, for dessert, I would have my wife, Nancy, sit in the pizza box to soak up the grease.”

Hugo Chav-ass – “In Venezuela, the women wear homemade panties fashioned entirely from banana leaves, and they leave in the banana”.

200motels – Now for the next event, the judges will put on blindfolds for the smell test. Napoleon Bone-apart, you will go first.

Napoleon – “Mais oui! This is the French contestant. I can tell, because she smells exactly like the alley behind the fish stalls in the outdoor food market in Marseilles, where the hookers hang out”.

200motels – Right you are! And how do you rate her?

Napoleon – “I give her a ten. Five for mussels and five for calamari”.

200motels – Now it’s your turn, President Chav-ass.

Hugo Chav-ass – “I believe this must be the American. It smells like the gas escaping from one of the oil derricks we expropriated from the yanquí imperialistas.”

200motels – Another winner! And now, the event that the TV audience has been waiting for – the taste test! Dr. Kissing-ass, you go first.

Kissing-ass – “Das is easy. If it’s chocolate, it must be the American contestant.”

200motels – Quite right! And how do you rate it?

Kissing-ass – “I rate it Rocky Road, with some coconut thrown in for granular texture”.

200motels – Now for Napoleon Boner-apart.

Napoleon – “Aaah, French vanilla, with a hint of canelle. Vive La France!”

200motels – And now it’s time for the voting.
Wait a minute, there seems to be some disruption coming from our studio audience. Who is that superhero with the orange pantsuit?
It’s a bird. No, it’s a plane. No, it’s Secretary of State Hillary Clinton! She’s wearing a bright orange iridescent pants suit with the words “WIDE LOAD” stenciled across her butt. She seems to be dodging sniper fire coming in from the Bosnian contingent seated in the balcony.
Wait a minute, who’s that with her? It’s Rosie O’Donnell and Ellen Degenerate! Let’s call Rosie O’Donnell onto the stage. Rosie, what’s the meaning of this?

Rosie O’Donnell – “We’re here to protest the demeaning treatment of women in this contest”.

200motels – You mean the blatant sexual exploitation of women for commercial porpoises?

Rosie O’Donnell – “No, I mean I wasn’t given a chance to be a judge”.

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Posted on 4/4/2009 ( Permanent Link )
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