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As W.C. Fields once said, “You can’t cheat an honest man.” Now that the authorities have made the streets safe, using computer projections and pins in maps to deploy police, they should start to station cops in board rooms to arrest lawyers and accountants.Gone are the days of 3-card Monty idiots shuffling nut shells on a milk crate. All the gangsters have moved indoors to target a much more lucrative class of marks.Somebody ought to build a statue to this Bernard Madoff for bringing down an absolutely repugnant class of people, who defined themselves into social classes determined by gradations of wealth. Ugh!It was a cult of money, with Madoff as the priest of greed. How do you define somebody who invests his whole family fortune with a guy who tells him, “Don’t ever ask me what I’m doing with your money, because I won’t tell you.” I wouldn’t trust a guy like that with five bucks.There have been great scam artists throughout history. Ivar Kreuger, the Swedish match king, came to the aid of European governments in exchange for the monopoly on manufacturing matches in their countries, then he sold debt securities based on the income from the loans and from the match production. Ultimately he sold too many bonds, and when the Depression hit he had to turn it into a Ponzi scheme. When the law closed in on him he blew his brains out in his Paris mansion.Another fantastic crook was Serge Stavisky in France who bribed bankers to issue letters of credit based on imaginary assets of gold and jewels locked in safety deposit boxes in their banks. Nobody could check if the collateral was really there because it was locked in safety deposit boxes, get it? Stavisky bribed judges and government ministers to keep the cops and prosecutors off him, but it couldn’t last forever and eventually his erstwhile friends decided that they would sleep a whole lot better if he were eliminated from the scene. Stavisky was found with a bullet in his head in a chalet in the French Alps, while an honest magistrate who had been doggedly pursuing him was also found dead a few miles away. The resulting furor caused the collapse of the French government and rioting in the streets.Stavisky had style. His story was made into a movie in which he was played by Jean-Paul Belmondo with Catherine Deneuve for his mistress. If they decided to make a movie about what’s going on here in New York, it would have to resemble “It’s A Mad Mad Mad World” with a cast of thousands of idiots. You don’t have enough funny comedians to fill all the roles.It’s like “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” times a hundred. Calling Madoff the biggest thief in history is letting all those other jokers off the hook. What about AIG and the $140 billion that vanished there? Or the $750 billion investment bank bailout? The current thievery goes back to Ken Lay and Enron. People are so fickle. They only care about the latest thief.We need a freakin Pantheon of Thievery, like a Caesar’s Palace with marble statues, a special hall for embezzlers like Conrad Black, insurance fraud for AIG, securities fraud, hedge fund fraud. These guys are like gods of crime and they deserve their own temples with statues and virgins burning incense.The times we are living in today require new mega-jails for the millions of attorneys, accountants, brokers, auditors and crooked regulators who need to be locked up. Maybe that old movie “Escape From New York” was right after all. Just throw up a fence around the place.
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Posted on 12/13/2008
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