Get out of the way Tori & Dean, and make way for America's Wackiest Couple:

THE A-ROD & MADONNA SHOW!

This week featuring special guest star JOBA CHAMBERLAIN!

Madonna - A-Rod, honey, is that a baseball bat in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

A-Rod - It's a baseball bat.  I want to do some batting practice.  But I can't find my balls.  Have you seen them?

Madonna - I'll say!  I was up half the night polishing your balls.  Don't forget, Rabbi Schwartzberg is coming over today to convert you to Judaism.

A-Rod - Why do I have to become Jewish?

Madonna - Because I only eat kosher meat.

[doorbell rings]

A-Rod - Someone's at the door now.  

Madonna - Why, it's our next-door neighbor, Joba Chamberlain.

" color="#0000ff">[audience applause]

Joba - Sorry to bother you, but I just happened to be passing by and I smelled food.

A-Rod - No problem.  Madonna, will you fix Joba something to eat?

Madonna - What would you like, Joba?

Joba - I'm not really too hungry.  Could I just have six Big Macs and a dozen donuts?

A-Rod - Madonna, have you seen my equipment bag?  I have to return Jason Giambi his gold panties.

Madonna - Why don't you get your own gold panties?  Why do you have to borrow Jason's?

A-Rod - It's a guy thing.  You wouldn't understand.

Madonna - That's what you think!  Anyway, I threw out that stinky old equipment bag.

A-Rod - You what?!?!?!!!!

Madonna - Don't worry.  I'll buy you a new one.

A-Rod - Madonna, you don't understand.  That equipment bag was filled with money.  There was two hundred and seventy-five million dollars in that bag.  George Steinbrenner had to take out a second mortgage on the new stadium to get me that money!

Madonna - Why didn't you put the money in a bank?

A-Rod - I was going to, but when I lifted it, I injured my shoulder because the money was so heavy, and   I had to go on the Disabled List.

Madonna - Wait, I know!  Maybe they haven't picked up the garbage yet.

Joba [talking with food in his mouth] - You're out of luck.  They already picked up the garbage.  I saw them throwing A-Rod's equipment bag in the back of the truck.

A-Rod - Oh, no!  I'm broke!

Joba - Maybe if we rush over to the garbage dump you can find your bag before it gets covered up too deep in garbage.

A-Rod - Good idea!

Tony - You mean like this one?

A-Rod - Hey, that's my bag!  Hey, IT'S EMPTY!  All that's left is a bunch of rat $#!T!

Tony - The rats must have eaten the money and left you their $#!T for the change.

A-Rod - Well, we might as well take it along with us.

Madonna - What are you gonna do with a bag full of rat$#!T?

A-Rod - Maybe I can take it to Las Vegas and sell it as sports memorabilia.

Will A-Rod sell the rat$#!T in Las Vegas?  Will his wife, Cynthia, return from Lenny Kravitz' house in Paris and accuse A-Rod of holding her hostage and forcing her to wear the "F*¢& You" t-shirt at Yankee Stadium?  Will Madonna go to the aide of her ex, Keith Hernandez, and smash José Reyes over the head with a dumbbell?  Tune in next week.

THE FINAL ARMAGEDDON BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL FOUGHT AT FLUSHING MEADOWS! WHO WILL PREVAIL, THE YANKS OR THE METS? READ "THE YANKEES ARMY"
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